I'm in north Texas and we are maybe going to get some rain out of Rita but nothing more, yet I find myself in a constant state of edginess - my neck hurts, I don't want to get out of bed, I pace more, I am extremely depressed, I think about all the things I used to think about when I was depressed before - I got totally mad at two of my callers yesterday - one was a real pain, but the other one - I just got upset with him becuase he wouldn't tell me the color of his car (he'd just been in a wreck)
I know it is showing up in my voice (I can't tell when my tone of voice, body posture, all of that stuff changes - I have to just watch and listen to other people around me - when their behavior changes I know mine has, too - plus some of the few people I like to be around tell me when they notice a change since they know I have no clue otherwise)
Anyway, I talked to my best friend on the phone yesterday and he said 'Never hesitate to call me if you need anything' - and he hasn't said something like that to me since my last bad breakdown 2 years ago (which he is the sole reason I survived) . . .
ANYWAY, my reason for this rant is this - you know how Temple Grandin says that she thinks autism is caused, at least in part, by an inability to ignore the animal instincts that we carry with us from our evolutionary past - and animals always go schizy before natural disasters - do you think that I may be sensing something - maybe a small change in air pressure - that is causing this? It is at least an interesting idea - I'll be happy when the whole thing blows through . . . hopefully I won't get even more out of control before that happens . . .
23 Sep 2005, 11:53 pm
