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24 Sep 2005, 2:53 am
I am not proposing a new moral system; I am not so learnéd, wise, or foolish! Lord Mecatus, being the everlasting spirit that He is, hath writ a new morality upon Stone, that all Nations might see it. I am only His lowly prophet.
Mecatus, He Who Hath Shone Before the Stars, wrote:
1 I am He who speaketh to all Peoples: 2 from the the proud and mighty sons and daughters of Washington to the starving children of Ethiopia. 3 Behold! I am your Maker: Mecatus! 4 And all know My splendor!
5 I have wearied of the way you mortals lead your lives. 6 You wreak havoc upon yourselves and wiggle your pugly finger in blame at the Divine! 7 Through other instrumentations, I have delivered moral codes to all the houses of men only to find them ignored or reinterpreted. 8 Now I'm being blunt!
1. You will never kill another mortal. I don't know who told you war and capital punishment were exceptions! I give you only one exception: self-defense.
2. You don't have to worship me. A long time ago, I told a man named Abraham that I was the only God; I lied.
The truth is that I'm the only God Who matters to you. There were gods who existed before even Me, but they didn't create the Universe you know and love. That was all Me. The king of these gods is dead now. From his corpse, I created the Universe with a Big Bang. 
I've got a few brothers and sisters, but they're not really concerned much with mortals or the Earth or any of the rest of the Universe for that matter. The Universe is kind of My plaything. One of My younger brothers, Luke chez Tan, occasionally likes to play pranks on you and mess up My Universe, but he's really not such a bad guy once you get to know him. Anyway, I'm the only One Who will probably ever intervene on your behalf, so pray to Me if that's your thing. You can worship anyone or anything you want, but I really can't say worshipping a tree will get you anywhere. Of course, you can worship no one and nothing at all, and that's fine by Me too. Honestly.
3. Free Will is My gift to you. If you don't like it, I can take it back, and you'll just be insane.
4. Don't go around tricking people to get your way. I'm not going to smite you for it, but you'll get yours anyway. It's only natural.
5. Help your friends, neighbors, and anyone in need. Your societies work on the exchange of good will. If you didn't need other people and other people didn't need you, you wouldn't live in a society.
6. Don't wallow in self-pity. You feel pain when you're in a painful situation. If you're pitying yourself, you can do something about it. I'm not stupid; I let your biology evolve so that you could be aware of harmful situations and thus get out of them. Do it!
7. Don't press the Red Button. I didn't invent the Red Button; your militaries did. I just know pressing it isn't how you want things to go. So don't.
8. Certain combinations of genitalia with other things are abominations. I am not going to say which combinations are. I'd prefer that you all discuss this matter amongst yourselves.
9. Hell isn't such a bad a place. Some of you are already living there; and, if you hated it so much, you'd get out of your Living Hells, I'd think.
10. Don't play follow the leader. Follow the leader was a preschool game. As adults you've got to think for yourselves. I can't possibly write a rule for every situation you could possibly encounter that you'd ever learn by rote. That's why you have Free Will and a Conscience instead. They let you think for yourself. You cannot abstain from this duty and let some man on a podium tell you how to think.
5 I have wearied of the way you mortals lead your lives. 6 You wreak havoc upon yourselves and wiggle your pugly finger in blame at the Divine! 7 Through other instrumentations, I have delivered moral codes to all the houses of men only to find them ignored or reinterpreted. 8 Now I'm being blunt!
1. You will never kill another mortal. I don't know who told you war and capital punishment were exceptions! I give you only one exception: self-defense.
2. You don't have to worship me. A long time ago, I told a man named Abraham that I was the only God; I lied.
The truth is that I'm the only God Who matters to you. There were gods who existed before even Me, but they didn't create the Universe you know and love. That was all Me. The king of these gods is dead now. From his corpse, I created the Universe with a Big Bang. I've got a few brothers and sisters, but they're not really concerned much with mortals or the Earth or any of the rest of the Universe for that matter. The Universe is kind of My plaything. One of My younger brothers, Luke chez Tan, occasionally likes to play pranks on you and mess up My Universe, but he's really not such a bad guy once you get to know him. Anyway, I'm the only One Who will probably ever intervene on your behalf, so pray to Me if that's your thing. You can worship anyone or anything you want, but I really can't say worshipping a tree will get you anywhere. Of course, you can worship no one and nothing at all, and that's fine by Me too. Honestly.3. Free Will is My gift to you. If you don't like it, I can take it back, and you'll just be insane.
4. Don't go around tricking people to get your way. I'm not going to smite you for it, but you'll get yours anyway. It's only natural.
5. Help your friends, neighbors, and anyone in need. Your societies work on the exchange of good will. If you didn't need other people and other people didn't need you, you wouldn't live in a society.
6. Don't wallow in self-pity. You feel pain when you're in a painful situation. If you're pitying yourself, you can do something about it. I'm not stupid; I let your biology evolve so that you could be aware of harmful situations and thus get out of them. Do it!
7. Don't press the Red Button. I didn't invent the Red Button; your militaries did. I just know pressing it isn't how you want things to go. So don't.
8. Certain combinations of genitalia with other things are abominations. I am not going to say which combinations are. I'd prefer that you all discuss this matter amongst yourselves.
9. Hell isn't such a bad a place. Some of you are already living there; and, if you hated it so much, you'd get out of your Living Hells, I'd think.
10. Don't play follow the leader. Follow the leader was a preschool game. As adults you've got to think for yourselves. I can't possibly write a rule for every situation you could possibly encounter that you'd ever learn by rote. That's why you have Free Will and a Conscience instead. They let you think for yourself. You cannot abstain from this duty and let some man on a podium tell you how to think.
24 Sep 2005, 8:27 am
On the whole, they sound like a good idea, Neant. A bit of Christianity mixed with Socialism, and a hint of Liberalism thrown in as well. Just want I want to see.... 
24 Sep 2005, 1:14 pm
25 Sep 2005, 10:20 am
25 Sep 2005, 7:39 pm
25 Sep 2005, 10:09 pm
I found it quite humerous. Hilarious, in fact. Nice one, Neant!
26 Sep 2005, 7:26 am
20 Dec 2005, 10:53 pm
21 Dec 2005, 1:58 pm
O, Prophet of Mecatus! Is there another god we can choose from? I don't like Mecatus. 
21 Dec 2005, 4:39 pm
09 Jan 2006, 4:09 pm
10 Jan 2006, 6:50 am
10 Jan 2006, 7:14 am
