Differences between Aspie men and women: Women's perspective

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12 Mar 2008, 8:30 pm

OK, this thread is for the ladies! Being an Aspie man (and reading all the the threads authored mainly by men) I have a very good take on what Aspie men are like. However, the only Aspie women I've ever met are on this forum. So, ladies, what do YOU think are the main differences between Aspie men and Aspie women? If you don't think there are any differences, then I'm curious about that too. Ladies only commentary please and I'll take my answer off the air :D



CityAsylum
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12 Mar 2008, 8:59 pm

What's really funny is that men have always told me that I drive like a guy, think like a guy, etc. - and it's true, I always felt like 'one of the guys', and feel much more comfortable with them, even though I look feminine, wear makeup, and always (in my youth!) had guys hitting on me. But I have no interest in the usual girlie stuff at all, and never did.

I was always too busy taking apart machines and tape recorders and stuff, or developing deep layers of encryption (alphabetic and mathematical - there were no computers).

The nice thing about middle age is that now I can be a geek in peace without having everyone ask why my brain doesn't fit with my looks! :D Now I just sit in my office with the door shut, and they pay me a lot of money to write complex software; I can go for days without even having to talk to anyone - it's great. Were it not for computers, I doubt if I would have much of an income at all.

Once I had my two daughters, and saw how 'regular' girls act, I finally understood why people always thought me so odd.



Zamone
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12 Mar 2008, 9:20 pm

Same here: I've always fit in better with guys. Perhaps because celebrities and fasion don't really stick with me.
Key word here though: Fit in better with guys. Still don't totally fit in, but better than I am with girls.



CityAsylum
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12 Mar 2008, 9:41 pm

Zamone wrote:
Key word here though: Fit in better with guys. Still don't totally fit in, but better than I am with girls.

Amen - my preference is solitude!



asplanet
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12 Mar 2008, 9:45 pm

I was also always a tomboy and often seem to get on better with men/boys, not into girlie stuff and never have been.

But like CityAsylum Says "I always felt like 'one of the guys', and feel much more comfortable with them, even though I look feminine, wear makeup, and always (in my youth!) had guys hitting on me. But I have no interest in the usual girlie stuff at all, and never did. "
Same except never really wore makeup, or very little to girlie for me. Its like I enjoy being real feminine, in fact will often go over the top, the one everyone notices for events, thinking about it maybe thats my way of feeling confident as do not usually do all the girlie stuff. Happier digging the garden rather than being pampered, having nails done...


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EvilKimEvil
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12 Mar 2008, 11:40 pm

I don't know if I'm really any different from an aspie guy. I think the main difference is in how people perceive me. For example, I haven't had much trouble finding someone to date because guys seek me out; I just have to decide whether or not to go along with it.



Katanoki
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16 Mar 2008, 10:00 am

While I'm still not certain of whether I have AS or not, I also fit in far better with guys. The girls I know are less close; I've only got one or two real close female friends. Always was a tomboy, always aimed to hang out with guys over girls. I mostly lost interest in the girl groups over time, but I've actually sorta clicked with a few of the guys at my school. Although I do suspect my best friend (a guy) is an aspie.

Meh, don't know the odds, tho', so I'll still be wondering until we both see a psychologist.



gwenevyn
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16 Mar 2008, 12:57 pm

I can only speak for the differences between myself and the aspie males I've known.

My special interests tend to be more about people. Most male aspies (and a sizeable chunk of female aspies) are interested in mechanical things, computers, and the hard sciences. I am also interested in those things, but my attention span for the technical details involved is fairly short. My "aspie obsessions" have included:

-role-playing games (but way more interested in character background creation and collaborative storytelling than in the systems used to calculate stats and battle outcomes)

-Catholic doctrine, dogma, and practices

-individual people (stepping "into their worlds", listening to everything they want to talk about, finding out all about them)

-certain systems/groups of people

-psychological disorders

-sociopathy (especially where related to battery and murder)

-breeding guinea pigs

-the human brain

I love listening to radio shows about science, most of all about space travel and astronomy but I have a hard time retaining more than the gist of this information, whereas it is very easy for me to remember precisely what the Vatican teaches about family planning because I've seen the way that this bit of information directly impacts people's lives. That makes it more memorable for me.

Sometimes my people-centered obsessions give others the impression that I am very socially adept but this is not so. In fact, I have little to no appetite for any social interactions that do not touch on my current interests. This may be yet another reason why fewer girls are diagnosed with AS. Special interests that have a social element might pass as genuine social skills but in reality they are much more limited in scope.

Like other women mention, I have always preferred the company of boys/men. As a teacher I identified and empathized more with my male students. In high school when I hung out with my guy friends I felt relaxed and "myself" but when I hung out with girls I felt nervous, like I was having to put on an act.

But I do not think that I am the same as my male friends. Not even the aspies. I am not competitive with them. I have no desire to play FPS games, much less to win them. I would rather be cheering on the sidelines of a ball game than playing in it (and this isn't because I'm not athletic--but I only like solitary sports like swimming and running). I don't want to get my hair mussed. I don't find crude/potty humor at all amusing (I'm rarely offended, it's just about as funny as reading a grocery list). I don't want to be teased or prodded at the way men do with each other. I notice that most guys like to watch a lot of movies and also like to watch the same movies over and over... but I have a hard time sitting through one movie and there are only a handful of films I'd ever consent to watch more than once. I am bisexual but I don't like to gawk at or point out other women, and rarely do I share the tastes of any male friend.

I enjoy the gentlemanly things that men will do for me, like helping me with a project involving physical labor, protecting/defending me, or opening a door for me. So long as it is clear that my intellect is respected, I like being doted on by a man and treated in a fairly traditional way.

In general I think that the main differences between males and females also hold true of aspie males and aspies females. This may not be popular to say, but I think even the women on this site who say they "feel" male come across as very feminine in their posts.


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spirited
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03 Apr 2008, 2:16 am

I, too, think like a guy, have stereotypical male type hobbies, working on my car, taking things apart, science, etc. I tried be girly once, and it stressed me out so much, I almost had a melt down!



lotusblossom
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03 Apr 2008, 1:09 pm

I feel like myself and different from everyone. But my AS symptoms seem the same as most people documented. I think any AS women may have trouble imagining what its really like to be a man as they may lack empathy and I certainly cant imagine the effects of male hormones and life experiences enough to say how Im different from a man. I think men too often picture women as other when they should consentrate more on the human experience. We are all human and should be treated with love, respect and compassion no matter what our gender.



shopaholic
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03 Apr 2008, 1:48 pm

No practical or technical ability whatsoever (it's all theoretical!) - plus I enjoy reading & writing fiction, & I like to have a working knowledge of celebrity gossip, which is quite unusual for an aspie.

Like others have said though, I do not identify with my own sex very much, and soon get bored in a group of NT women. I would rather join in with the men, as long as they are not talking about sport or cars!



brat
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03 Apr 2008, 2:14 pm

all my best friends have been guys, more or less my only friends have. even when i was a kid and most guys thought girls had cooties i had guy-friends.



Joe90
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28 Jul 2010, 11:06 am

I am very different from male Aspies. Here's a small list of what I consider how I'm different from them:-
1. I go on my computer a lot, but I'm not very clever on it - I only know the basics.
2. My worst subjects in school were Maths and Science.
3. My social skills rate better than my Maths skills.
4. I smile a lot and have average eye-contact with people.
5. I don't have a monotone personality.
6. I don't make noises, fidget, rock backwards and forwards, make faces, flap hands, ect...
7. I wear fashion.
8. I'm not into books - only poem books, joke books, fact books, ect...
9. I worry about how I look and what I'm wearing.
10. I don't stack things in a particular order.
11. Computers or other gadgets aren't my ''special interest''.
12. I don'tlike being alone much, and I rather work with people at work.

My special interests is the weather and buses - which are easy for me to be obsessed with because these subjects are what people make small talk out of - which is why I'm good at small talk. Special interests like computers or Star Trek are more difficult because when you bring these subjects up a lot, people usually guess that you've got an obsession with it.
I also get obsessed with men - but that's rather normal for a 20 year old female, so not many people see any wrong in it. I don't stalk them though, and I don't go on about them to people at work, only sometimes - which is enough to make me look like I'm just a normal person with normal interests.

I am more like a NT male. (Except for the fashion and the fantasizing over men).



JLee50
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28 Jul 2010, 12:34 pm

Joe90 wrote:
I am more like a NT male. (Except for the fashion and the fantasizing over men).


There are plenty of NT men like that too, actually :P



Sedaka
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28 Jul 2010, 1:18 pm

I started having issues with girls as soon as I was expected to play "patty-cakes" (hand-clapping games) with them.

I'm not sure why I get long better with guys... But that's about when it started.


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