Myths about the so-called "Friend Zone"

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Many men, Aspie and NT alike, have invented a false concept called "The Friend Zone." According to this idea, after meeting a guy for about 10 minutes, women make a snap judgment about the guy in question. If they find him attractive, he is date material and they will pursue him. If they do not find him attractive, he is assigned the category of "friend" and placed in the "Friend Zone," an extra-dimensional prison similar to purgatory from which he can never escape. This entire concept is wrongheaded.

Myth the first: "The Friend Zone" is a female only construct.
As a matter of fact, men have their own "Friend Zone." Find a girl unattractive? Friend Zone! Too heavy? Friend Zone! Wrong type? Friend Zone!

Myth the second: "The Friend Zone" is inescapable.
Women can and do change their minds all the time. The way to escape the so-called "Friend Zone" may at first seem counter-intuitive but bear with me. It is possible to move out of the so-called "Friend Zone" by, wait for it, actually being a woman's friend!! ! In my experience, most women learn to find a man attractive over time, first their personality traits, and then their physical appearance. I know many couples who were "just friends" for a long period of time before they realized that the best romantic relationship is built on friendship and common experiences; the nature of their association thus changed to an intimate one. Do men and women meet, hit it off and start dating almost immediately? Sure, but it's the exception rather than the rule.

Myth the third: The so-called "The Friend Zone" is undesirable.
What's so undesirable about being friends with a woman anyway? Not only are friends a good thing in and of themselves, but friends beget friends, and the more female friends a guy has, the better chance he has of meeting a potential girlfriend.

Ladies, please feel free to add to or modify the above statements.

I agree with what you said. I've often been told that it's hard to have a relationship with someone who has aspergers without being their friend first. I've been told that men with aspergers will see you as a friend before they ever think of starting a relationship with you. Is this true? I think it's a wonderful concept!

Thanks I needed to hear that. My favorite Aspie has been in a few very nasty relationships. It took at least six months before he even trusted me enough to consider me a friend. Of course, I want more, but I feel very lucky to be his friend.

Does he know how you feel? Us Aspie guys can be pretty thick when it comes to these things

I think he knows me better than just about anyone. He's been a blessing in my life. He thinks he is a failure at relationships and he doesn't want to ever be hurt again. I'm in high hopes it's just going to take time to move things along.

Friend Zone = BS.
Of all the girlfriends I've had, only one of them hadn't been my friend beforehand - in a couple of cases, we'd been friends for years. Although in the case of one of them, she seems incapable of being friendly any more - I'm wondering if maybe the friendship was ever anything more than a prelude to a relationship to her. Which is a real shame, seeing as she was my best friend of the lot.

I sent you a pm to explain the situtation. I think you will see what I mean after you read it.

Thanks about the avatar!

Got your PM and I get it. You're doin' fine.

Yes, I wrote this opinion piece. Thanks for the compliment! Acknowledging my status as an Aspie and interacting with everybody has really pushed me to think for the first time since I wrote "The Manual." You guys have really helped the creative juices (and processing of experience) to flow...

Yeah, you're right. But the reason that most women want to establish friendship first is to make sure you're actually interested in them, not just in sex.

*Boggle at this thread*