The Little Prince Syndrome

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I think the term is "learned helplessness" and it doesn't only manifest itself in kids, whether they are typical or AS. I've seen it in my mom and my husband, as well. My mom wouldn't even pump her own gas for about 10 years, opting to have me or someone else do it for her!

Seriously, there are some limits that need to be imposed on our kids as to how much we will do for them if and when they are quite capable of doing it on their own. A couple of years ago I read a post by a mom whose 8 year old still had her dressing him each morning, though he could do it when she gave him enough time. I think that's where my AS son differs from others not on the spectrum, he just needs a bit more time to do things on his own. And I need the patience to wait it out and let him do it! Mornings are very rushed, so I still help him get dressed, but at night time he strips himself, puts the dirty clothes in the basket, gets his own jammies on and brushes his teeth all by himself. He can get his own drinks of water from the bathroom at any time since we have the little cups dispenser, and it cracks me up how he refuses to throw the cups away. They stack up on the edge of the sink or on the faucet since he gets a new cup every time!

I've also learned to keep snacks where he can reach them so that in the event he gets hungry (ha!) he can grab a granola bar by himself. He is allowed to use the toaster if he wants to for his waffles.

Patience is a virtue we don't possess all the time, but I really think that if we can allow the time for some of these self-help tasks, that is the best course of action. When I see my son getting too frustrated with his efforts when zipping his coat, it would be so much easier for me to step in and do it, but I force myself to focus elsewhere for the minute or so it takes him, rather than jumping in and saying "Let me do it" because that just pisses him off these days. The more he accomplishes on his own, the more pride he feels, and that is my primary goal, to make him proud of himself, even if it took a bit longer for him.

Just my two cents.