Post your puns here!

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I remember a time once where I e-mailed ten puns to a local newspaper, hoping that they would get published. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.

Scenario: Guy killing a whole bunch of people in a room and they're all trying to run away.
Pun: those guys were dieing to get out of there.

Two ions were talking to each other.

One says, "I just lost an electron yesterday."

The other responds, "Really?"

So the first one replies, "Yes, I'm positive!"

Two muffins were bakin in an oven, then one muffin says to the other "It sure is hot in here!"
To which the other replied "OH MY GOD A TALKING MUFFIN!"

"drink pee! y'urine for a treat!"

I saw this in a catalog for a doormat and thought it was quite humorous..here goes..."WELL, BUTTER MY BUTT AND CALL ME A BISCUIT--LOOK WHO'S HERE!! !"

I have a plushy tux named Gentoo*. I can put her on the top of a computer and tell her to jog there on one place. That way it took just seconds to make the computer run under Gentoo.

*the name of a Linux distribution.

Cats are the PURR-fect pet!

A vulture is getting ready to board a flight with a dead armadillo under its wing.

The stewardess behind the counter asks: "Sir, do you want to check in your luggage before you board?"

The vulture replied: "No need, it's carry-on (carrion)"

Headline:

A major pet food producer has been accused of using small percentages of dog meat in its processed dog food line.

CEO claims: meeting profit demands is tough in todays market, it's a dog-eat-dog world!

Corduroy pillows; they're making headlines!

Crush of the Titans

It wood be good to find a new tree.

Winter trees are all bark and no bite.

Two cannibals are eating a clown.

One says, "Does this taste funny to you?"

One cat to another: Are you a Seal Point?

Yes, Si-am!

I love this one.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because,” he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

Spam Croft (noone will get this)