School situation - WWYD?

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First: what the heck is the school thinking of reevaluating your son!

Second: this may be out of line, but I got thinking about your situation, and it reminded me of when my son was diagnosed.

I didn't shed a tear when he was diagnosed - I knew it was coming.
But when the word "special education" came up, my legs literally turned to jelly and I collapsed.
Shortly afterwards, while my son was still at his normal kindergarten, there was an outing he wasn't allowed to go on. I freaked! I literally phoned everybody and anybody I could think of to make sure my son could go on that outing.... and he did end up going!
What I am trying to say is that it wasn't the diagnosis itself that made me react - the diagnosis was just a word, it didn't change who my son was. It was the consequences of the diagnosis that freaked me out. I grossly overreacted about that outing, but it was my way of dealing with my son having autism.

Maybe I'm not being very clear, but I just thought of how hard it is to deal with a situation like the one your family is in.

Hi Katrine, When my autism plus daughter was first diagnosed (with mental retardation) I could not think the word retardation without bursting into tears. And it's all I thought about the first year too. For the next two years I could not say the word without tears. Now my daughter is 30 and happy in her own house and I can joke about retardation. Though I found out I shouldn't because it upsets others.

First of all, School districts cannot diagnose autism. They have an educational diagnosis process that addresses autistic traits/deficits but they can NOT decide if a child is "truly autistic". They don't have to accept a medical diagnosis when providing services but they then they have to prove why they feel the child doesn't need services.
Generally speaking, if a child has a medical dx of autism, the district accepts that into their records and also conducts an educational assessment that is in their "educational language". Disabled kids are entitled to public education at age 3. That's when my son started preschool and stayed until he was 5.
It sounds like the district in your case is denying your son's disability to delay his entry into school. That is discrimination. I would call the pysch ASAP to find out what your options are. You are getting a bum deal.

I'm re-reading your original post. It bothers me that the school psychologist did not specifically test for autism or asperger's. Ask for those specific tests. These school people are like used car salesmen. If you don't know exactly what to ask for, they won't make you any offers. The school psychologist can not say that your child doesn't have autism without doing any tests. I had to ask for those specific evaluations several times before they did one for my son. It wasn't until I put it in writing that they went through with it and determined that he has the educational label of "Autism".

Holding your son back in preschool will not allow him to catch-up for next year. He will need autism services of some kind. My son is 9 and he socially he is like a 5-yr-old. I wanted to hold him back in kindergarten (school said 'no'). In hindsight, I don't think he would have benefited from being retained a grade. He would not have caught up socially and he would have been bored out of his mind by repeating the same school work.

We were in the same situation with our son...very smart boy...struggled with some social situations. He was diagnosed with Aspergers, but is considered very high functioning. What we agreed to do was start him in kindergarten with the agreement that at the end of the year, we would sit down with his teacher and the special ed director and consider repeating kindergarten if we all agreed he should. But bc of the diagnosis, they have an aid in the room for part of the day, to help keep him on task, and it has been an incredible year. I would push back with the school and go up the chain until you get help. If that doesn't work, you could also consider a private school kindergarten, but where we are, we've found the public school to have much better resources to help us.

I hope this helps!

Hi Ouinon,

We must think differently about sentence emphases etc., which is ok with me, now that I've had my little objection and you've stated how you saw it.

From my earlier comments, you would've picked up that I'm more on the "state school" side of the fence at the moment, but I do take your point about "school social skills", as I have thought recently that educating 30 or so kids in a class is kind of like a factory, and is socially artificial compared to the world they enter post-school. I often think that once we are through the school years (socially) things will be easier. So, maybe you have planted an idea there that I'll think through a bit more. I would pull my child from the schooling system if he was hating it or being bullied etc., however I cannot imagine myself having the stickability to homeschool. We'll see . . . .

Goldenkey, I am not a parent of an Asperger's child (yet), so you may or may not be inclined to follow my advice, which is ok, that's what advice is for - the advisee chooses ultimately whether or not to believe the advice he/she is given. However, if your child is high-functioning like you described, I would STRONGLY suggest (forgive my all caps) putting him in mainstream classes. Wanna know how I know? Well, i'm high functioning Aspergers myself, and my parents had me mainstreamed in the public school system in Shelby County, TN, since halfway though kindergarten. I strongly believe that it was beneficial. While I was not very happy at the time (I was constantly being bullied, both for my lack of social skills and the fact that I outsmarted about half my teachers), I know now that if I had not been mainstreamed, I would not have the social and academic foundation required to be as mature and independent as I am now. (Just for the record, I am a high school junior with an almost nonexistent IEP and several Honor/AP classes, and plan on going to college when I graduate.) It may not seem like it helps immediately, but down the road, your son will thank you for it.

A word of caution however: If you try to mainstream your son against the misguided advice of the school system, they are going to give you hell for it. They did to my parents, and they'll do it to you. I would stick to the advice of the psychologist you mentioned (who seems like a very down-to-earth person who understands what autism IS and not what it is portrayed to be), and make sure you keep a close eye on your sons teachers and school admins and the way they handle problems concerning him. Communication with the school is key. Also, if they suggest or do something and you don't feel it is right, tell them so. Be stubborn. Don't take no for an answer. If all else fails and you're down to your last resort, get legal advice. Schools are scared s***less about being sued, even mentioning it is a good way to get your point across as a last resort. If they still don't follow you after that, then they obviously don't deseve that federal funding they get for offering special ed services.

If your child is as smart as you think he is, he'll have no problem growing up to be a mature and independent person with a proper edcuational foundation.

The choice is yours.

Roxas_XIII

There are educational morons everywhere.

The school is well prepared to deny you what your kid needs.
They are attempting to control you, by funneling you into their procedures.

Get a lawyer involved to wake them up.
Your doctors diagnosis is sound.
They have to provide a suitable education.

Do not let them walk all over you.

It's your kid. It's your responsibility to make them toe the line,
in the best interests of your child. If you don't push,
they won't act.

Major Kudos to you for identifying and addressing your child's issue early.
They can be hard to detect, and early intervention should result
and an earlier good outcome.