Fight or Flight?

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I hear many Aspies are shy, but I'm not. In what I've read this shyness is caused by being rebuffed during forced robotic social interaction. My reaction has been anger. I'm newly aware of this Asperger's thing. One of my Aspie behaviors is "declaring war" (lawsuits, derogatory websites, reporting doing business without a necessary license, reporting even trivial building/fire code violations, posting/leafleting embarrassing court records, etc.) on people that mistreat me. Do you think an Aspie pays a bigger price for being shy or being vindictive?

I might shake a little when I do it, but no, I'm not all that shy. It's a coping skill that comes and goes. I don't have to go out that much any more so I just don't. I think the last real vendetta I went on was going after a nasty cop and my child abusive ex-wife. My ex saw a side of me she had never seen and I hope cowers in fear for her freedom to this day. It felt good and I was more than a little nervous after my lawyer told me don't mess with the cop, too late. It was kinda funny how he treated me after I lit into him. I had no trouble with him afterwards. But there was an awkward wait till I found out. Vendettas won't win you any friends and I have found that most weren't needed to begin with and I don't hold a grudge all that long anyway. Sometimes it's misdirected as in, I should have cleaned my house and not theirs. My wife might disagree with my not holding grudges and I suppose in some instances she is correct, but it has to be a pretty bad experience for me to feel that way. I'm very upfront when I do go after something. I'm not a fear biter, but I might be pretty nervous. Might have picked up some of this, sometimes, nasty trait in the military.

I would venture to say that "forced robotic social interaction" might be true in some cases, I wouldn't bet the farm on it.

So to answer your question yes and no and you can switch those around to fit either part of the question. It depends. We pay a price for everything we do, it's human. Some is good and some is bad.

Tailfins, can you explain more what exactly happened, to make you do those things? Revenge doesn't solve much Were you feeling better afterwards? W/out actually knowing what had happened, it's very hard to comment, though...

That is not a "Aspie" behavior, that's just you being passive-aggressive. Basically don't got enough spine to stand up for yourself or tell off people directly, but you'll go out and key their car behind their back.

I had anger issues when I was a kid and a teen... I remember that usually I could fight 3 guys at the same time
Also I know martial arts, but I never used them in a fight. Learning them gives discipline and that discipline helped me end my anger problems eventually.
So maybe you should go and learn judo, aikido, karate or whatever you can learn, it might help you a lot.

i think it depends on the person, for those who make a lot of social faux pas being shy keeps them from making too many. i'm usually more quiet than my peers because i'll sit back and watch, only adding something when i'm sure it won't make me look weird. if someone can find others who are equally angry with something or someone as they are, they can form some kind of a bond, so for others being angry and vindictive might work better. you also have to have the attitude for each, i just couldn't pull off angry and vindictive (quiet and explosive yes, angry and vindictive no)

I'm talking about a lifelong pattern of behavior, not just one incident, but if you want some examples:

A neighor decided to throw things at our car as we left our house to let "those weird people" know they are not welcome in the neighborhood. My response: if they were entertaining guests and it was noisy at 10:01 PM or later, the cops get called.

I explain to the dentists office that I want a refund for their filling that fell out and we repaired by another dentist. The office manager makes a snide remark "You wasted all that time just to tell me a filling fell out"? What a loser! I file a small claims lawsuit the next day.



You have it all wrong. I only do things the I get credit for. I don't do anything illegal and it's not a quick thing like keying a car. I have sometimes spent a year "waging war" on a adversary.

Why take things up one-on-one where someone can just say, "take a hike, dweeb"? Instead you can cause a big public scene (since I don't feel embarrassment), but the other party does.

For example, some dirbag cut in front of me and pushed me out of the way on the plane to push his things in the storage bin ahead of me. I loudly said "hey you almost knocked me down". Then I said to the flight attendant "that man assaulted me to get my storage spot". I talked about it the whole flight in earshot of the purpetrator. It made him feel about two inches tall. He just sat there cringing.

I would second this. I think you're in dire need of therapy.

Passive aggressive behaviour is adaptive, particularly in situations of asymmetrical power/status. If you continually run your mouth off under the misconception you are showing "spine", you will reap the "benefits" accordingly. Passive aggressive actions have their place.

Yeah, I have agree with these guys. It sounds like you need therapy if you want to change your behaviour.

Don't know, but recognize that balance between (being neither one extreme nor the other) being a doormat & being hostile can be difficult territory for any person to navigate.

Title of thread said "fight or flight ?". I usually tend to freeze, at first. I get angry, but have learned to pull inwards more & lash out less (in unsafe situations, temporarily)-instead I may wander off or hide under furniture, for instance-guess that counts as "flight".

"Fight" response is too stressful for me to go very far with-confrontation intimidates me. From time to time, though, I call up a customer service line & share my thoughts when a product is sub-par, that's an adaptive/healthy way to channel my outrage (I do get worked up over "so-called minor" problems).

When I was very little (1-5) I was very shy. I used to hide a lot and become very uncomfortable.

But I was only shy with people I did not know. As I grew up I craved admiration, attention, and love. So what did I do? I began mimicking the things I saw from friends and "cool" kids in school.

When I was in middle school/high school I was consistently told by doctors that I showed little or no signs of AS. How could this be? Did I grow out of it? Nope I just learned social skills.

What I do is consistently force myself to do things I am uncomfortable with. I will be forward with a girl or stand up for something I believe in. These actions force me to become comfortable in "high stress" situations which in turn makes socializing and chatting with people a piece of cake.

As for the vindictive natures of Aspies I have always felt the opposite. Whenever I am angry I look inside first, and then try to look inside the other person. Finding middle ground or understanding why someone acted the way they did has always worked out for me.

I think, in my humble opinion you might just do these things to those who mis treat you because it is empowering. However boss, let me tell you something, as much satisfaction comes from showing someone they are no match for your intelligence an even greater feeling comes from being the bigger man. Or in the ladies situation, woman.

Hope this helps,

-Zane