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nobodyzdream
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09 Apr 2008, 1:53 am

I'm not sure if any of you have any tips, as this is rather a foreign concept to me, and I'm not sure it will make a ton of sense to others.

I am attending an autism parent training course, and I am the only parent who is autistic in the class, it seems.

I'm having tremendous difficulty, as of course the things are all presented from NT perspective, and I do not know how to apply them to myself so that I can utilize the information.

Things that they see as a problem, I do not. Things I see as a problem, of course, they do not.

I'm enjoying the sessions VERY much so far, and I feel it is going to be tremendous help for my son, but my problem is... how do I keep on track with these things after the class?

A lot of this stuff, he needs to be able to do so that he can better communicate, lol, as he gets into a lot of awkward situations, and he would like to learn how to do things a different way to be more acceptable.

My problem is, I realize he needs to do these things, and wants to... but how in the world do I teach something that I don't do myself, or that I do not understand? I cannot see it from the NT perspective so much. I can see it in facts, yes, but I do not get the emotional aspect of it that they have. I don't have the frustrations in dealing with my son that they have with him, because I do the same stuff he does. It is natural for us.

So to accomplish this, I must figure out a way to make these behaviors more like a habitual thing without understanding them, because no one will ever have a proper response as to why the heck this stuff is even important. The only information I have to work with is that it's important to other people, which in the long run will benefit him to learn how to better communicate with others and all... it will help him get into less trouble in classes, etc., which will eventually help his stress level itself because he never knows what he's getting in trouble for since he does not understand the problem.


Habit, repetition, is definitely going to be a big deal in accomplishing our goals with this, as I think things will be easier if he can at least do the important stuff. He can still question it all he likes, of course, but if he's doing it, he will be one step ahead (at least) of me.

So I understand that, I understand why I want to do it, I understand how it will benefit him-especially right now because it will help a lot with stressers... But how do I fight my own natural instinct to question all of these people and just blurt out "why must we do something simply because it is important to you? What is your exact reasoning for needing your son to do that?"

My tendency is to need information before I can apply anything. There MUST be a logical explanation, there MUST be a VERY visible response (not just a "it makes me feel good" type of response because I cannot read that) before it even registers that these things even are serving a purpose.

I want to question everything... I don't comprehend without reason... but when it comes to social things, there is very little reason I can be given. Just like stimming behaviors, which we just kind of do-sometimes there is a reason, sometimes not, social behaviors are the same way. They depend on the person, the situation, the mood, etc.

I do not know how to figure these things out-I'm terrible at it...

So anyway, again, can anyone think of a way to make this just a habitual thing? How can I block out the urge to ask questions (or is there even a way)? Should I ask the questions so that they have more insight into how this could be so difficult for a parent who is autistic as well to be attending this program? Will it just hamper everyone else's learning if I ask?

They say I can speak up when I want, as it helps the other parents to understand a bit better. But at the same time, everyone says that, but there is this invisible boundary line as to when it becomes too much, etc., that they never tell about. I don't know the results, therefore I cannot make a decision. I'm in nothing but confusion while I'm in that place...


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Sorry for the long post...

I'm my own guinea pig.


ouinon
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09 Apr 2008, 2:52 am

nobodyzdream wrote:
Things that they see as a problem, I do not. Things I see as a problem they do not. The only information I have to work with is that it's important to other people. I think things will be easier if he can at least do the important stuff. He can still question it all he likes, of course, but if he's doing it, he will be one step ahead (at least) of me.

But how do I fight my own natural instinct to question all of these people and just blurt out "why must we do something simply because it is important to you? What is your exact reasoning for needing your son to do that?"

My tendency is to need information before I can apply anything. There MUST be a logical explanation, there MUST be a VERY visible response (not just a "it makes me feel good" type of response because I cannot read that) before it even registers that these things even are serving a purpose. I want to question everything... I don't comprehend without reason...

They say I can speak up when I want, as it helps the other parents to understand a bit better. But at the same time, everyone says that, but there is this invisible boundary line as to when it becomes too much, etc.
I don't know the answer, but I understand the frustration and confusion and anger/sadness, the difficulty, because I often felt/feel it when I get very involved in a discussion on the Parents Forum here on wp.

I am an AS parent of an AS child, and I too find myself asking, "why must we do something simply because it is important to NTs?". I get the impression that AS children of NT parents are often being made to learn, struggle with doing, certain things because the NT parent thinks that is the only way to live.

If my son had only NT parents, rather than one of each, he would probably/possibly have found growing up much more difficult. He would have been obliged to fit in with NT ideas of what is important behaviour, many things which would have been extra stressors, many activities and expectations which would have increased pressure on him, particularly school, but also complicated household routines which I, as an AS parent simply don't bother with, do not impose.

I have trouble accepting that AS children should do this or that just because their parents are NT and believe in whatever it is. Like a religion about what constitutes correct human behaviour.

:?