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babycakes221
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10 Apr 2008, 8:02 am

1. I have bad social skills
2. I sometimes say inaproprite stuff



Can anybody help me please?
All i want is a friend for the days i am feeling blue and sad!



Greyhound
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10 Apr 2008, 8:18 am

Same here :?

I have two people I can truely call friends.

A few others I hardly ever see and we have nothing in common.

The others are working relationships.

There is only one person outside the family who I'm just about comfortable with to let her into my bedroom (I don't mean for sex or anything), although there are possibly six people who have been in it - two from childhood, two from childhood and a few years ago and two from a few years ago.

I find social situations stressful and when there's someone at my house (rarely) I get tired very quickly. There were two friends who used to come together and I liked it, but it was so tiring, I usually ended up being ill the day after :(


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tybald
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10 Apr 2008, 9:12 am

I think everyone here has innately bad social skills (its part of ASD) but it doesn't mean you can't learn them to some degree. Its not always easy but it seems like you want friends so its probably worth doing. You've got time and I've found that as I've got older people have become more accepting of my weirdness/inappropriateness. School and college were probably the worst time for me socially. Things improved during uni and have continued to get better, though I still struggle and have bad days.

Its a bit of a vicious circle as without socialising its hard to learn what's socially acceptable. I forced myself into socialising for my whole life before I discovered anything about AS because I thought there was something wrong with me for not wanting to. I'm a bit kinder to myself these days but I'm glad I did it as I now have these skills (to a point). I can't promise its easy and if you're anything like me you will probably offend and lose some potential friends as part of your learning curve but could well find some people who turn out to be very important to you in the process.



weather1man
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10 Apr 2008, 9:23 am

It's hard for me too. With guys it's hard as I usually don't have the same interests as them. (star wars, video games, etc.) Go figure, guys with typical AS interests and I can't get along. I don't really even try with guys though at this point. I just try to make friends with girls basically. Which is hard but more fulfilling to me.


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Oceanlover
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10 Apr 2008, 2:33 pm

I have trouble making friends mainly because I am into more mature things- politics, economics, and things most teenager are not into yet- let along saying iappropriate stuff and behaving inappropriately.



velodog
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10 Apr 2008, 5:26 pm

babycakes221, it is hard for Aspies and many NT's as well to make friends. Keep engaging in discussion here and people will definitely warm up to you. When that scum troll attacked you various people came to your defense. That is what friends do because you are one of us, and the troll is banned. Aspies Uber Alles! :D (joking)



JerryHatake
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10 Apr 2008, 7:35 pm

I have the same problems a lot and still do with some people.


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supahneko
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11 Apr 2008, 2:22 pm

babycakes221 wrote:
1. I have bad social skills
2. I sometimes say inaproprite stuff

easy to fix. I think...
find a group of friends who are like you, language wise. Or watch people (no stalking) converse and pick up on the language that they use, tweak it a bit, and use it. Or pretend to be a mute and communicate only though sigh language.



aries
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13 Apr 2008, 6:21 pm

supahneko wrote:
babycakes221 wrote:
1. I have bad social skills
2. I sometimes say inaproprite stuff

easy to fix. I think...
find a group of friends who are like you, language wise. Or watch people (no stalking) converse and pick up on the language that they use, tweak it a bit, and use it. Or pretend to be a mute and communicate only though sigh language.


From my own experience it's not easy! Well for starters I've never really found anyone like me, language wise or otherwise.


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MissConstrue
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14 Apr 2008, 3:59 am

^ Me neither but I've made some friends on this forum. I try to be careful about what I say now, it's still a learning process. Sometimes things come randomly out of my head and into typing as well as talking. You just have to be willing to let yourself go through some uncomfortable and strange emotions. I think the more you do or in my case I do, the more I learn about ppl and some social skills. Easier said then done but I try to put myself in their position and ask myself what I'd want from a friend. Maybe not everyone's going to want what I want but there are those nonetheless.


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curiouslittleboy
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14 Apr 2008, 8:50 am

Try not to get overally nervious or edgy if it's someone you want as a friend.
Odds are, they are nervious too, and need to warm up.
As for the innapropriate stuff, try to take it in stride. Or even laugh it off if it helps. We all make mistakes on what to say, even socially skilled NT's. :)

In the case of online, try not to post to many "flame" or "emo" type topics (my problem) as in my experience, both here and elsewhere, people tend to ignore and discredit you when you do.



Tim_Tex
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14 Apr 2008, 8:53 am

Welcome to the club.


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886
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14 Apr 2008, 2:31 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Welcome to the club.


Yep.

You should search for asperger support groups.


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Mikomi
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14 Apr 2008, 2:47 pm

It's hard for me to make friends because I don't really know how. I have to wait for people who are (a) accepting enough, (b) willing to make all the necessary steps toward beginning a friendship with very little from my end and (c) willing to put up with the distance that comes with being my friend. I like to hang out with people, very occasionally. As much as I enjoy some people, I also find social interactions to be utterly exhausting.


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KatieRose212
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15 Apr 2008, 8:53 pm

I think, if you have problems making friends, that it improves with time.
When I was first diagnosed with AS I didn't have any friends at all, and just had really bad social skills.
But I learned to pay 'attention' to the world around me, see how other people made friends... and I copied them.
It was really hard at first, too, but eventually all my hard work paid off and I made a couple of friends, who are in fact still my best friends today!
So yeah... do what I did, observe, listen and copy.. and you will get some friends.
Honestly!