My depressed, deranged, rant

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I just to stop hearing " Your voice just grates on my mind!" and "stop being obnoxious" and "sometimes I hate you" and "I hate how you act!" and "stop acting like your dad!" or "Ugh you remind me of your dad!" from my mom! I am NOT my dad. it's not my fault i'm alot like him! I didn't ask to be like this! I didn't ask for these emotions, or this personality, orthe crying and the yelling. I didn't ask for any of this! I didn't anticipate the losing of friends, being scared of people. I didn't want any of this! I want my life to go back to the way it was seven years ago! back when everything was so easy. back when I had a family, not this broken piece of junk. and I want my stepdad to LEAVE! I HATE him! I don't care if I get my dad back, i just want to visit him more often, and for Friks sake, I WANT PRIVACY! my brother needs to not come over here and read my typing evr again!! !! There are so any things I want , I just feel like crying again! and I'm starting to really ,iss my old friend who was high functioning and probably on the high end of aspergers. I miss talking to him now. he wouldn't ever have hurt me like all my "friends" have this year. I don't want to be here any more! I want out of this crappy town! I wish we hadn't moved here! I just wish I could go somehwere and take a permanant vacation! My life has NOT gone the way I wanted it to! and I wish I could be my mom's "little emmy" the daughter she dreamed of having, but i'm not. I bet my sister ( who died after she was born) would have been better! I bet my mom would have liked her more! and I would always be the younger sister, the little one, overshadowed and overlooked. I HATE my life. I just want to run away from everything! I'm not even allowed to walk when the moon is out, and I'm so depressed, that I only have my imaginary friend to comfort me, and I feel abnormal, not in my body, not right, like I don't belong, and I want to escape! and some nights I wake up and wish I was still dreaming ( I've been training myself to lucid dream.) and I have this urge to cry so bad, and I feel like I'm goign to explode, I don't think i was meant to be here, I feel like i;m not real, like this is some horrible dream and I'll wake up and I'll be little againan and I'll be able to do this over and when i do I won't fall. and some times I wish I was someone else, just not me, not afraid, just not me.

Would it be possible to move in with your dad? That might help. Other then that all I can offer is understanding I only recently got out of a simular situation you will excape one day

I'm so sorry you are feeling this way. Life sucks when you are a teenager and nobody seems to understand what you are going through. Things will eventually get better. Your horomones won't always make you feel so intensely. When you get older you can remove yourself from this situation with your family.

Your mother certainly shouldn't be saying such hateful things to you. The problem lies within HER and her relationship with your father - NOT YOU.

My mother often says to me in an exasperated tone when I am being too Aspie "Oh! You are SOOO much like your father!"

But she doesn't get on my case often enough for this to get annoying.

I'm sorry you have a hard time with your mom, Shades.