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Is this a good song? (Warning - First Draft)

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ebec11
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12 Apr 2008, 3:14 pm

*deleted*

Haha, nobody can copy it now!! ! *muhahaha*
Board CLOSED!



Last edited by ebec11 on 14 Apr 2008, 9:01 am, edited 1 time in total.

ebec11
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12 Apr 2008, 3:15 pm

Just by the way, if anybody copies this, I will seriously freak out and track you down. This piece means A LOT to me.



ford_prefects_kid
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12 Apr 2008, 3:46 pm

I like it, it's obviously very personal and autobiographical. Lyrics are not my thing as much as melodies- that being said my main suggestion would be less pronouns. There are only two characters in your song, I don't think as many lines need to start with a pronoun. It's clear without that many, and will give you more opportunity to play with the flow of the words.



techstepgenr8tion
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12 Apr 2008, 4:05 pm

Yeah, very well written. I'd say you have a few good options if you want to make a song of that. Ford's right, you may want to cut out some of the he/she's; as far as genre though, I'd do that either as folk (just sit there with a guitar) or trip hop (something like Maxi Jazz from Faithless would pick for his more autobiographical and introspective verses).



ebec11
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12 Apr 2008, 7:09 pm

techstepgenr8tion wrote:
Yeah, very well written. I'd say you have a few good options if you want to make a song of that. Ford's right, you may want to cut out some of the he/she's; as far as genre though, I'd do that either as folk (just sit there with a guitar) or trip hop (something like Maxi Jazz from Faithless would pick for his more autobiographical and introspective verses).
It's for a school project, and it's supposed to be a song :D A Ballad if you want specifics.
I agree with the pronouns, though I didn't think about it before :P
Since we have to present it, I'm thinking of either a guitar, piano or flute background (I have some cds, since I can't actually play any instrument besides the flute, and I can't sing and play it.)
I don't have a singing voice though...worrisome, but maybe I could make it a soft spoken word piece? Hmmm...



886
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12 Apr 2008, 7:13 pm

You could have Lyle here play his acoustic guitar in the background. :P


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Warsie
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13 Apr 2008, 12:08 am

ebec11 wrote:
Just by the way, if anybody copies this, I will seriously freak out and track you down. This piece means A LOT to me.


come and find me ;)


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ebec11
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14 Apr 2008, 9:00 am

Warsie wrote:
ebec11 wrote:
Just by the way, if anybody copies this, I will seriously freak out and track you down. This piece means A LOT to me.


come and find me ;)
If you did, you would HAVE to publish your name, so I could find you based on that. Please don't, I really would be upset.



JohnHopkins
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14 Apr 2008, 3:11 pm

ebec11 wrote:
Just by the way, if anybody copies this, I will seriously freak out and track you down. This piece means A LOT to me.


Calm down, Ir eally doubt anyone would steal some random lyrics on the net. I feel you're being a tad paranoid. If you're that nuts over it, put your signature and date on a copy of it then post it to yourself.

As for the lyrics, I can't analyse them cause they were taken down, but without hearing any music we can't analyse how good it is as a 'song' anyway.