The Inadequacy of Speech

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Talking seems like a very inadequate way of expressing my thoughts. It's not that I don't have the words to express my ideas, since I can write them down just fine. While I do have problems speaking over writing (my thoughts seem to jumble themselves up and are spoken at random) it isn't that either. It just seems that the thoughts in my head are so much more vivid and real than anything that's said or done in the environment around me. I don't think I could say what I think and feel in the tight coherency of speech and discussions, especially since it often seems made up of silly things. I can't imagine being interested in the "real world" over what I think. I don't mind writing them, or someday even publishing them, but I feel like saying them out loud is unnatural. Does anyone else feel this way, and might it have to do with AS? I've never heard anyone mention being frustrated over things like this, but I often am because people want me to explain what is obviously making me so lost in thought or write.

I tend to find the computer to be the perfect way to express myself. I can stop and (click..whirrr) take all the time I need to find the precise word or phrase, without the other person insisting that their ability to talk over me makes them right.

I get exactly what you're saying, and I think you stated it very well. I've never been able to put words to it. I express myself well through written (typed) words, yet I find spoken words are often an inadequate representation of the greater picture in my mind. For this reason I find myself using metaphor frequently to attempt to convey more of the essense of my true thoughts or feelings.

Similarly, my husband also finds that he comes through much better through writing/typing. He is also on the spectrum, so perhaps there is something to it. I'll be really interested to see more responses from others.

Exactly. When I'm in a battle of words I often lose because people seem so quick on the draw. I think of a much wittier response, only it's an hour later.

No one understands why my online friends know so much more about me than my RL friends do, but I find it natural. Online there isn't this odd wall made up of social chit chat, public places, and god knows what else that I don't notice but still hinders me from sharing who I am.

Yes. I think I know what you are saying. Sometimes it’s as though there is no way to express the essence of something I think or feel. I can try to put my thoughts into words but it always comes out sounding overly trite compared to the true feeling underneath.

Writing things out helps me express myself slightly better, but it still feels inadequate sometimes. I often wonder if anyone else notices things as acutely as I do. It seems like most people are not that observant or moved emotionally by certain small things like I am. I can’t even describe to other people what it is that I see sometimes.

Interestingly enough, while we probably get a LOT more benefit out of it than NTs, they experience this too. The net is open and expressive without the pressure of having someone there. You always hear the stories about people who leave their spouses because they found their "soulmate" online.... it's because it's easier to be honest when the other person is not in the room.

The other advantage to us is that online people know that you can't see their body language, so they will provide those oh-so-helpful emoticons that help you distinguish "tone of voice."

In the real world, people aren't interested in the details of things. Just the general idea is needed in order to make conversation.

If you need to give details, express them later in the conversation. It is not necessary to say all the details in the first sentence.

That makes a lot of sense. Wow, I'm sorry for being so silly! I thought it was relevant to what I said earlier. Perhaps it is in that Internet communication is primarily through writing while RL friendships are founded on conversations and activities?

Oh I know what that is. My problem is a lack of spontaneity in speech. It seems as though other people can think and speak simultaneously. I need pauses to think of what to say next. Other times I have trouble coming up with a specific retort when there are many possible ways I could respond. It’s as if my brain is unable to choose a specific thing to say when there are too many possibilities.

The problem becomes ten times worse when there’s anxiety involved or there are sensory distractions. There are a few times when I feel a complete synergy in a conversation… times when there is nothing inhibiting my speech. Yet it never lasts beyond an interruption. It takes me a long time to get into my comfort zone with speech and a single interruption can completely derail me.

yes

I must have missed the silliness, because I see nothing you need to apologize for.

You could always be like me and lapse into metaphorical ramblings.

Once you forgo any hope of the fruits of your speech - then do you seize your voice.

(not that anyone else hears it...)

It was a lapse in logic to not realize that the reason I'm more comfortable with people online is because they aren't physically with me, so I was slightly embarrassed.



That happens to me often. I'll be doing so well in saying something, the topic will briefly side track, and I'll be back at sqaure one in speaking and trying to communicate what I'm trying to say. To have fluid and coherent speech for more than one topic only happens with my friends and family.

What's worse is that I will derail myself and forget what I was talking about. My wife calls it "chasing rabbits."