Advantageous Traits of Aspies in Romantic Relationships?

Page 1 of 3 [ 45 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2, 3  Next

NeantHumain
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jun 2004
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,119
Location: St. Louis, Missouri

13 Apr 2008, 10:11 pm

I have been thinking a thread discussing what makes people with Asperger's syndrome in general better than average in relationships might be a confidence booster for many of us here. I have characteristics that I think would be highly desirable, and I think in part they come from having Asperger's syndrome (the problem of course is they aren't the kinds of flashy things that help with first impressions).

  • Loyal
  • Considerate
  • Romantic
  • Knowledgeable
  • Focused (as in can devote one's attention wholly on the person attracted to)
  • Independent
  • Determined

Please add your own to the list.



aspergian_mutant
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 27 Oct 2004
Age: 57
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,588

13 Apr 2008, 10:58 pm

The problems I seen and had in an ASP/ASP relationship was that the first
mistake I made she never forgot, in fact worse, she focused on it so badly
she kept over looking the good things I done and exploded the mole hill into
a mountain as if I had done things a thousand times instead of just once,
She was VARY hypocritical and self righteous even though she her self was far from perfect.
Honesty, yes up until the relationship was about over, then there after she lied her ass off,
either that or she felt and believed something so strongly that she believed them true
when they was totally not true to the point of being basically unreal.
and if she did not want to be honest she never told the truth by never giving and answer,
but this is just my experience with one ASP girl,
she had many other flaws, like she gets board of the men in her life after the beginning
deluge of romantic infatuations subside, she seems to keep looking for that romance that will always feel
like it does when its new and blossoming, and she never cared to work on or recognise her own issues,
and when you worked on your own issues to improve your self and the relationship then in her mind it only
verified your imperfections to her, she never was actually supportive of anything unless it benefited her directly,
And she got board with you if your interests was not the same as hers, she thought you less smart or something,
so this new fella she got interested in had some of the same interests, give that a couple years and it will get old as well,
there would be nothing new for them to talk about.
.



Last edited by aspergian_mutant on 14 Apr 2008, 12:45 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Mikomi
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 24 Jan 2008
Age: 41
Gender: Female
Posts: 811
Location: On top of your TV, lookin' at you funny.

14 Apr 2008, 12:50 am

HONEST! That is what first attracted me to my husband. It was so refreshing to have a guy say what he meant and mean what he said!


_________________
Curiosity is not a mental illness.
Homeschooling Aspie mom of 2 kiddos on the Spectrum.


Aspie_Chav
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 6 Feb 2006
Age: 46
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,060
Location: Croydon

14 Apr 2008, 2:56 am

Mikomi wrote:
HONEST! That is what first attracted me to my husband. It was so refreshing to have a guy say what he meant and mean what he said!


Honesty is overrated, most woman want a man who is honest to her, but not to everyone else.



Hanwag
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 3 Mar 2008
Age: 43
Gender: Male
Posts: 209

14 Apr 2008, 3:12 am

Honesty is a bit like alcohol. If used in a controlled way it can be very good. But too much can go very wrong. I would be totally honest if I told my girlfriend about any other girl I find attractive, for instance, but I can't imagine her liking that. Loyalty is much better :).



kip
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 13 Mar 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,387
Location: Somewhere out there...

14 Apr 2008, 3:28 am

My mum once asked my dad what he was thinking during a nice romantic dinner. He responded, pizza. Not, how pretty you are, or, that dress makes you look even more beautiful. Pizza.

Mum says she married him for just that.

So, I guess honesty is a good trait. I like a guy who can be honest with me, and I know my BF has commented that even when it hurts, he really does appreciate knowing I caint lie about anything. I guess he hasn't noticed I'm one of the best liars around if need be, but that could be because I don't need to with him.

So, honesty would be the big one in my book. And Loyalty. And commitment. I really appreciate someone who spends time just talking, because they care about me, not the fact that we could have sex if he got mushy enough.



Sarcastic_Name
Fumigated With Boredom
Fumigated With Boredom

User avatar

Joined: 26 Mar 2005
Age: 31
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,594

14 Apr 2008, 12:24 pm

NeantHumain wrote:
  • Loyal yeah
  • Considerate I'm not.
  • Romantic Cheesy romance, maybe.
  • Knowledgeable In what, 5 things?
  • Focused (as in can devote one's attention wholly on the person attracted to) Hardly, I'm a crazy scatterbrained kinda guy.
  • Independent Sure.
  • Determined Determined not to obsess.
Please add your own to the list.


Yeah, I think ADD pretty much cancels out half your list for me. :lol:


_________________
Hello.


cd1
Snowy Owl
Snowy Owl

User avatar

Joined: 10 Apr 2008
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 141

14 Apr 2008, 12:36 pm

Hanwag wrote:
Honesty is a bit like alcohol. If used in a controlled way it can be very good. But too much can go very wrong. I would be totally honest if I told my girlfriend about any other girl I find attractive, for instance, but I can't imagine her liking that. Loyalty is much better :).



Honesty is not the same as giving too much information. You can be 100% honest and not be telling her stuff like that.



Zara
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 23 Jun 2007
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 3,133
Location: Deep Dungeon, VA

14 Apr 2008, 7:46 pm

Although all these things are probably good and true about aspies, these kinds of lists never can win a mate over. Logic fails in the realm of love.



Pobodys_Nerfect
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 10 Mar 2008
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 737
Location: New Zealand

18 Apr 2008, 8:47 pm

aspergian_mutant wrote:
The problems I seen and had in an ASP/ASP relationship was that the first
mistake I made she never forgot, in fact worse, she focused on it so badly
she kept over looking the good things I done and exploded the mole hill into
a mountain as if I had done things a thousand times instead of just once,
She was VARY hypocritical and self righteous even though she her self was far from perfect.
Honesty, yes up until the relationship was about over, then there after she lied her ass off,
either that or she felt and believed something so strongly that she believed them true
when they was totally not true to the point of being basically unreal.
and if she did not want to be honest she never told the truth by never giving and answer,
but this is just my experience with one ASP girl,
she had many other flaws, like she gets board of the men in her life after the beginning
deluge of romantic infatuations subside, she seems to keep looking for that romance that will always feel
like it does when its new and blossoming, and she never cared to work on or recognise her own issues,
and when you worked on your own issues to improve your self and the relationship then in her mind it only
verified your imperfections to her, she never was actually supportive of anything unless it benefited her directly,
And she got board with you if your interests was not the same as hers, she thought you less smart or something,
so this new fella she got interested in had some of the same interests, give that a couple years and it will get old as well,
there would be nothing new for them to talk about.
.


Do you think maybe she has something else on top of AS?



GoatOnFire
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 22 Feb 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 5,149
Location: Den of the ecdysiasts

18 Apr 2008, 9:01 pm

They're easy to cheat on. Just don't get caught. :P


_________________
I will befriend the friendless, help the helpless, and defeat... the feetless?


DanteRF
Sea Gull
Sea Gull

User avatar

Joined: 14 Apr 2008
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 229
Location: Mars, PA & Slippery Rock University

19 Apr 2008, 11:32 am

Smart, tend to know the language and able to be romatic with those words, remember significant dates I doubt an Aspie will forget an aniversary or birthday.



LePetitPrince
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 2 Mar 2006
Gender: Female
Posts: 5,130

19 Apr 2008, 11:34 am

none



MissConstrue
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 Feb 2008
Gender: Female
Posts: 19,810
Location: Earth

19 Apr 2008, 1:43 pm

Creative?

Good-looking?

Fun?

Goal oriented?

Naive?

Outgoing?

Cheerful?

Rich?


OK, I'll be a little serious um creative. :?


_________________
I live as I choose or I will not live at all.
~Delores O’Riordan


pbcoll
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 14 Feb 2007
Age: 37
Gender: Male
Posts: 2,259
Location: the City of Palaces

19 Apr 2008, 3:13 pm

Hanwag wrote:
Honesty is a bit like alcohol. If used in a controlled way it can be very good. But too much can go very wrong. I would be totally honest if I told my girlfriend about any other girl I find attractive, for instance, but I can't imagine her liking that. Loyalty is much better :).


Yeah, being honest always will destroy almost any relationship, certainly any with an NT girl. With almost any NT girl, always answering the truth to questions like 'Does this make me look fat?' or 'are my breasts too small/too big/the wrong shape/whatever?' will ruin it pretty fast.


_________________
I am the steppenwolf that never learned to dance. (Sedaka)

El hombre es una bestia famélica, envidiosa e insaciable. (Francisco Tario)

I'm male by the way (yes, I know my avatar is misleading).