Hand holding

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Hi all,
J is 9 dx'd AS. I need advice on how to have J hold my hand rather than my whole arm.
I know this sounds strange, he is 9 and most people wouldn't have their 9 year olds hold hands. However, whilst J knows the rules of the road, he will just step out in traffic. When we are in the shopping center or any where in fact J wanders off, he goes into his own little world and just wanders off or stops in his tracks.
My issue is he will take my hand then very quickly wriggle his hand out and hug my whole arm or hang on to the crook of my arm, this is dragging my arm and shoulder down and starting to really hurt my shoulder. I am forever moving his hand back into my hand. I've told him it hurts, I've asked him to just hold my hand. Every time I move his hand he will say Oh sorry sorry sorry, but within 30 seconds we are back at square one.

Any advice on how to stop this my shoulder would be most grateful. lol.

Maybe he just doesn't like hand holding, for whatever reason. Perhaps if you suggest he holds your wrist? He might find this an acceptable alternative.
Seems like he wants to be the one doing the holding. Hand-holding can feel very confining/ restricting/ forced, where arm holding is purely voluntary and therefore easier.

Hey don't be too stressed, I see the .gov.au has started a TV campaign for childrens road safety telling us all that
"under 10,hold someones hand"
J is 9 so no big deal

Seriously though you have a valid question,but untill you find an answer you can fall back on the ad campaign if anyone says anything.
I thought 10 was a little old to have to hold their hand,for NT's,typical .gov.au turning us into a country of tissue paper people.
Hope it works out for you

If you ever figure it out, please let me know, cuz Allaura, also 9, does the exact same thing- hangs on my arm, etc instead of holding hands. Something we've found that works well is that I ask her to hold her 4 y/o sister's hand instead and walk ahead of me- I usually am holding hands with 5 y/o and holding the baby. She seems to like the sense of responsibility of being in charge of keeping her sister safe- and she actually does a good job of it.

Jennyfoo, can I borrow a little one? lol

I believe he doesn't wander off so much when there are more kids his age around, he sticks with the crowd.

I tell my son my hand is lonely without his. I tell him I need him to hold my hand to keep me safe. He likes being needed and doesn't let go.

when son was at that age, i had just given birth to my daughter-had him "help" me push the stroller. worked out well........especially when i let him push the stroller, & i got to "help" (i'd place my hand on the side of the carriage firmly, so that i still had some control over the carriage.)

I bug both my boyfriend and my mom when I hold their hands. I can't hold hands. It drives me nuts. I haven't pinpointed it (because I try not to do it) but it is sensory.

How I fixed it with my mom when I was little. She used to grab my hand, I would wriggle it out, she'd grab it again, I'd wriggle out. We finally came to the compromise of holding just the pinky. (if not I would hold on to her purse which hurt her shoulder) She still tries to grab my hand, I've got a neat wrist flick that ends up getting her pinky instead.

I used to stop in the middle of the store too. But I was also the child that hid underneath the clothing racks. In small stores, like dollar general, if I stopped, mom knew she could do her entire shopping trip and come back to find me exactly where I was.

with the BF now, it's either his arm, or the pinky (he hates the pinky). He likes holding hands.

I don't know if boys will do it, or if you trust pinkies, but it worked for us.

Hi aurea,

I don't have any advice but just wanted to say that my son doesn't hold hands either, but holds onto my arm and sort of drags it down - like your son. It makes for very slow progress!

Temma