Confused is an understatment

Post Reply New Topic

Hello, i am new to this community but I have a situation that I am not quite sure how to handle. My son Zeke has been diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome, I do not see this as a horrible thing at all. If not something that makes him an individual and someone very special. He is 6 years old, and completely fascinated with the presidents of the United States, he has been ever since he was 4. hehe. I have started therapy with him, to help with his fine motor skills, his sensitivity to sound, his humming when he concentrates, etc. I went for an IEP through his public school, and was quickly denied, they said since his IQ is in the superior range far above the other students their couldn't be anything possibly wrong with him. I do not agree with their decision. Here is where the problem I have starts....Zeke came home from school very happy that the kids had played with him today, (I was shocked) and said"What did you play". He responded " I'm gay and i wear polka dot underwear". Zeke does not understand why people would be mean or make fun of anyone. The situation was that the kids were picking on him, and calling him names, when he told the teacher that they had called him stupid. She told him "Well thats not a really bad word". I decided to pull him from this school and put him in a private school. Now upon entering this private school, you have to take a test. Zeke of coarse beat out everyone in their first grade and the teacher suggested he start as soon as possible....The next morning though i receive a call that Zeke had been denied into the school, I guess when the teacher read on his test scores from the previous school that Zeke had social issues and would hum in class when he concentrated made her change her mind about him attending the school. She said that their children had been together in school since preschool, and that the children simply would not accept him. The teacher had met him, she did the test with him, she said he was wonderfully smart, and yet she denies him because of an issue he has socially?? I have made attempts to ask her to reconsider...but she still has not called back. Is this legal?? And now I feel I am trapped to have him attend a school who will not accept or be sensitive to any of his needs. Any advice??

You have just experienced why the difference between the quality of "public" vs "private" schools is so very, very relative. My son has been in both, and I have personally worked for both at different times. The WORST experiences we/I have ever had were at the extremely expensive private school he attended for a few months. Private schools can and do pick and choose what children they will and will not accept. This preschool teacher at this private school was the only person I've ever encountered who flat out DISLIKED my son (he was three!) and had ZERO compassion or tolerance for his "differences." (Of course, at this time we didn't have a diagnosis, because of his young age. But we knew our son wasn't mean or purposely misbehaving. She just wouldn't accept that.) The only reason my son was accepted into that school in the first place was because they were short on staff and wanted to hire me as an assistant, and offered me a big tuition discount. The only reason he wasn't "kicked out" was because they knew I'd have to quit my position and they didn't want to lose me. Eventually I quit anyway and pulled him out and told everyone where they could go, thanks so much.

At least with the public schools, they technically "have" to help your child. Depending on your state and city and district and school (public school quality is extremely relative, too), your mileage may vary WILDLY. They may make it extremely hard for you to access the services you feel you are rightfully entitled to - and you may be right, but they'll still make it hard. Others may be surprisingly helpful. We've been through the entire range.

Then again, you might find another private school, one that is understanding of and accommodating to children like yours.

I guess if I had a point here, it would be that not all public schools are awful, and not all private schools are awesome.
And now you're learning this.

I hope you find a school that suits you and your son's needs. I'm sorry you've experienced such frustrations. I'm sure most parents here have experienced similar situations.

Having an IQ in the superior range should not disqualify your son from receiving appropriate supports in public school. Pardon this question, but are you in a rural area? Unfortunately, many rural areas adopt that position, because their special education services are so deficient.

Your son's socialization issues will impede his learning, because much of learning involves group work, understanding social cues, and participating in group discussions. Without the ability to participate meaningfully in these activities, your son's education will suffer. If nothing else, your son is likely to need speech and language therapy for pragmatics, and social skills, in order to access the curriculum in a meaningful way.

One of the best sites for information about special education law in the United States is wrightslaw.com. It's a great place to start for finding out about your, and your son's rights to an appropriate education. The public schools are obligated to provide your son with a free appropriate public education. Private schools are basically not obligated to provide you with much of anything - they can be as selective as they want to be (unless they are receiving federal funds). You might be in for a battle, but there are lots of groups out there who will help you. Find the local special education organizations, and get an advocate who knows what s/he is doing to help you!

I'd say it's illegal. I'd also say, who wants their kid at a school that's into snobbery?! Even though they should be held accountable not to show prejudice, I'd say you're better off without them. I'd concentrate on finding a school that accepts and cares for your child, as this is bound to be a better environment, even if their academic side is not as swish as private schools. I realise that this may not be an easy task. Hope it all works out.

yes, it's illegal.......but as annie2 said, do you really want to fight the fight and get your kid into a school that is not prepared to do the absolute best for your child ???........unfortunately, i'd say, keep looking for another school.....in the end, it's great when your kid comes home from school with A's, but really, it's even better when your kid comes home from school feeling safe and supported !

If you can stay home homeschooling is also an option.

My 8 year old home-unschools, which is a very open plan/flexible learning approach where he essentially leads the process by doing whatever interests him. Today and yesterday for instance this is playing draughts with the computer. It's a new interest. He thinks he might try chess next.

To reasure the authorities/keep them off our back he also does the state education minimum for a correspondence course, about an hour and a half of paper and pencil stuff each weekday.

This way my son's differences do not get turned into disabilities.

Good luck.

I'm sorry this is happening, but, unfortunately, it sounds familiar. My son was in the gifted program in ps until 3rd grade. He was off the charts in math, reading, science, but socially- not off the charts. IEP? HA! They didn't know what to do with him - he was bullied because like your child he didn't understand when kids were being mean to him. Luckily, he gets it a little more now that he has matured a little (he's now 11) However, public school was like trying to cram a square peg into a round hole. We looked into private schools and frankly they seemed worse than public school and way too expensive for our budget.

We have homeschooled for 2 years -it has changed our life, changed the way we think about school and learning, and given my son the chance to breathe, be himself and learn things he would never, ever get to learn in ps.

Good Luck

Thank you all for your kind words. I live in the Los Angeles area so i thought that things would be more well known or if not easier ....defiantly not the case... i am now seriously considering homeschooling since today his teacher did not let him go to recess because it is almost the end of the school year and he still cannot hold his pencil right..... I am totally writing to LAUSD about this woman!! !

Here's a letter from the office of the US Attorney General (Reno at the time) detailing the rights of a disabled student under federal law: