Advice for an online personal ad.

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KenM
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16 Oct 2005, 9:32 pm

I have an online personal ad in hopes of finding someone special. I'm thinking of telling people in the ad I have AS. This way I am upfront with them from the start and they don't think I'm hiding anything. I also expect the other people to be straght and honest with me.
Do you think is good that I am upfront with people that I have it or do you think that if I put in the fact I have AS it will scare people away?



newchum
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16 Oct 2005, 10:39 pm

KenM wrote:
I have an online personal ad in hopes of finding someone special. I'm thinking of telling people in the ad I have AS. This way I am upfront with them from the start and they don't think I'm hiding anything. I also expect the other people to be straght and honest with me.
Do you think is good that I am upfront with people that I have it or do you think that if I put in the fact I have AS it will scare people away?


Instead of saying you have AS, try and do it in code words.



Who_Am_I
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16 Oct 2005, 11:41 pm

A simple code: put a word at the beginning of the alphabet, then have the alphabet without those letters. Write the alphabet underneath. For the code, use one set of letters and substitute the corresponding letter from the other one.
EG
MUSICBDEFGHJKLNOPQRSTVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
So "I have Asperger's syndrome" becomes
"F emvc Mrocqdcq'r ryliqnkc"
That sort of code? :D :D :D :) :) :)


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hecate
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17 Oct 2005, 4:38 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
A simple code: put a word at the beginning of the alphabet, then have the alphabet without those letters. Write the alphabet underneath. For the code, use one set of letters and substitute the corresponding letter from the other one.
EG
MUSICBDEFGHJKLNOPQRSTVWXYZ
ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ
So "I have Asperger's syndrome" becomes
"F emvc Mrocqdcq'r ryliqnkc"
That sort of code? :D :D :D :) :) :)


on your secret alphabet you have put the letter "S" twice and missed out the letter "A."

...50 aspie-points for moi!



jman
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17 Oct 2005, 5:09 am

I wouldn't put straight out in the ad. You might scare people away. However, if you do meet the right person and the time is right you might want to explain it to her.



irishmic
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17 Oct 2005, 12:25 pm

I would recommend that you not say that you have AS up front.
1: Given the wide spectrum of behaviors it does not really say anything unique about you.
2: There are better ways to own and declare what behaviors you do have.
3: It violates proper ettiquette. (You don't want to unintentionally scare someone before you even meet.)

I would recommend stating something like: I enjoy quiet serene places, deep meaningful conversations, and tender hearted women with open minds.



KenM
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23 Oct 2005, 8:28 am

irishmic wrote:
I would recommend that you not say that you have AS up front.
1: Given the wide spectrum of behaviors it does not really say anything unique about you.
2: There are better ways to own and declare what behaviors you do have.
3: It violates proper ettiquette. (You don't want to unintentionally scare someone before you even meet.)

I would recommend stating something like: I enjoy quiet serene places, deep meaningful conversations, and tender hearted women with open minds.


But I also don't like big social gatherings, AT ALL. I feel i want to be honest then have her expect me to do those things with her when i have no entention to due to my AS.
It is a catch 22, if I don't tell them, I'll be stuck doing things I totally hate. If I tell them I don't like to those things, they will think i'm weird and not be interested.



irishmic
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23 Oct 2005, 10:17 am

Better to be weird then to do things you dont like.
Compromising that is probably why u stuck with the dope fiend so long.
You could always create a relationship like that again.



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23 Oct 2005, 1:03 pm

having been in the same position, i'd suggest not stating it straight away. let someone get to know you first - i've had to do this before, not about AS, about something else, but what might be seen as a real turn off in the early days might seem less important later, once they've got to know you.

of course, then there's the difficult decision to make about when to announce the fact - sorry, but i haven't got an answer for that one, as it's going to be different for different people.



jennyfreckles
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24 Oct 2005, 2:59 pm

just be honest about your likes and dislikes and you might find someone you like if you dont like socialising just say that.



KenM
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24 Oct 2005, 3:56 pm

I took my ad down. Not getting any responses. When someone responds to me, we talk for a bit and then nothing, I just never hear from them again. No reason given.
I'm thinking of trying EHarmony, I heard they are a little better then some of the others.



KenM
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31 Oct 2005, 5:53 am

How does this sound for my new ad: Hi, i'm Ken, 37. I live on Cape Cod. I have Asperger's. I enjoy NASCAR, walking, movies, music, most anything can be fun with the right person. If you are not interested, please respect me enough to send me a "not interested" message. Its very rude to just stop talking to someone. If we met at a party, in person and we started to talk, you would not just turn and walk away. I respect people enough to be honest with them, please do the same for me. I have Asperger's. If I respond to your ad and you don't respond back, it means you are don't like autistic people.



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31 Oct 2005, 9:14 am

KenM wrote:
*snip*Its very rude to just stop talking to someone. If we met at a party, in person and we started to talk, you would not just turn and walk away.*snip* I respect people enough to be honest with them, please do the same for me. *snip*I have Asperger's. If I respond to your ad and you don't respond back, it means you are don't like autistic people.*snip*


I'd cut this section out other than the highlighted sentence. Besides emphasising the fact that you have AS, it comes off as attitude however it was intended, the previous sentence says it fine. :)


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TheOrangeMage
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31 Oct 2005, 4:19 pm

I included a note about AS in my profile, generally saying it's nothing too big, it just makes me different in how I do things.



Arch101
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12 Nov 2005, 6:38 pm

Only say your an Aspie if you're looking for another Aspie. Otherwise, be as brief and simple as you can. People joke about personal ads telling a life story. "attractive prof. M seeks like F" is all you need to get started. "attractive prof. aspie M seeks like F" if you are looking for a F Aspie.