Letting go

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I've been in bad spirits lately. I've started doing some thinking and come to the conclusion that I have an unresolved obsession with this girl. I've been interested in her for some time, and we have spoken at various times (she always initiated). After each of these encounters, I feel a strong urge to talk to her myself, and possibly ask her out, but over time as I become to afraid to do so the feeling wears off. Then, about a month or two later she'll talk to me again, and I'll instantly feel inspired.

Well, she talked to me briefly a few days ago, but I didn't feel uplifted at all. Right now I just feel depressed. But I always hold onto crushes because I want to have some kind of dream, even if I can't achieve it. In the process, I feel like I may be missing opportunities with people who actually are interested in me, because of my devotion to whomever my mind chooses.

My question is, how do I let go?

What I do to let go is meet some new people who to be interested in me. I've been in love with my ex for sometime. He hates me now and won't talk to me so I am forcing myself to move on. It's hard since I don't have anyone to want to be with me to make me miss him less but I am trying to live life without him day by day. All I can say is distract yourself with the things you love. I watch anime a lot if not out with friends to keep be preoccupied.

if you think she can make you happy why not just ask her out and know the answer definitively.

second that. Even worse would be waiting too long. The worst thing she can say is 'no', in which case, you're out of a potential relationship. But ask yourself- what is it you want?

I'm afraid to ask her out. I'm a geek, and all my friends are geeks. She's a jock, and all her friends are jocks. The jocks aren't supposed to like the geeks, and I don't think that exposing a vulnerable side would do me any good, because it might not end at just "no".

I've been in this pattern for over a year now - she talks to me, I get all dreamy, I become afraid and the feeling wears away, then a month or so later she talks to me again. I don't know how long I can devote myself to that cycle if I don't even have the courage to do anything about it.

Besides, now that prom's over, she's probably with someone.

I wasn't popular in school and I dated girls that were popular I was a geek always only difference was I didn't care about what I was. So the girl would usually get questions of why your dating him hes kinda creepy or what not but I didn't care at the time. I think assuming you will get told no and working on that information soley is self defeatist I'm not sitting here saying you have a good chance but why rest everything on an assumption?

It could preserve what little self esteem I do have.

why not just work on your self esteem problem then?

Like by doing drugs or something?

by changing what you don't like about yourself and if its something that contains multiple factors then pratice a friend of mine didn't think he talked to women well we went relatively far from where he lived and went to a club. Initially he didn't like it then he watched me go up (not claiming I'm a romeo or something but I get along with people fairly well if I force myself to) and he just followed suit. Next thing I know he tells me he met some chick from that night and they are still together.

Not to discourage you in any way from doing what you think will make you happy, but from what you've said I'm not sure asking this girl out would be the best idea. I don't think random displays of interest are the best foundation on which to build a relationship. It seems like you're more interested in her interest in you, rather than qualities you feel would make her right for you (of course, that might not be true; I'm only going on what you said in your post). As for letting go, I've found from experience that time is the best remedy in this sort of situation. With any luck (which I hope you have, by the way ), you'll eventually be able to find someone who's a good match for you and whom you don't have to feel sad obsessing over.



(My last sentence ended with a preposition, which is grammatically incorrect, but it just sounded so weird when I reorganized it that I had to keep it that way. I apologize for being so incredibly obsessed with grammar that I feel the need to point this out to everyone. )

I agree with the initial assessment I just don't like making permanet choices on assumptions. It is fairly certain that in the case he is probably viewed as a friend but the problem is he doesn't know and I for one have always hated that in the past I just let things go instead of pursuing them and things that could have happened didn't due to my inability to just find out whatever the truth is. Women are hard to read naturally and even harder for people with aspergers to read so essentially I can't determine how biased the information is if its really exactly what happened or just part of the self defeatist attitude. In the end I think if he doesn't he will suffer with what if's? alot instead of just finding out for sure and moving on.

Well for the major part of my life I've grown to believe that people won't like me. Over the past month or so I've become really apathetic about my life and my schoolwork. I've come to think that I'm inherently a failure. Sorry if I'm being uncooperative, but I don't know how to fix myself.

Hell, at this point I'm not even sure I want a relationship, and since I didn't get a strong vibe when she talked to me on Thursday, that's basically why I asked about trying to forget everything.



I'm not so sure. What happened was we had a fairly friendly working relationship for a year in middle school, then when I saw her again for the first time last year, I started developing an interest in her. I thought she was cute, had a quirky personality, and was amazed by the fact that she was the only girl on the wrestling team. It wasn't until after that that she started talking to me intermittently. But you make it sound like she's interested in me. I'm sure she's just being personable, and I'm just over-analyzing it because I'm interested in her.

I never move on. I'm still guilty about things I did over ten years ago.

In that case....I don't know what to tell you. If you are interested in her, maybe you could just start a bit slower. You mentioned that she always initiates your conversations; you could try to become better acquainted with her and work your way toward friendship. If you really just want to forget about her....I don't know. Is she a person you see frequently?

I'm too afraid to approach her, and I'm always too distant when she talks to me - she probably thinks that I'm ignoring her or something, because I'm too panicked to keep the conversation going.

I see her every day in gym and at lunch. I tried for a while to just stop looking at her, but that didn't end up working. Lately I've been stressed and I haven't been able too feel anything like I usually do for a crush, but I'm still oddly drawn to her.