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Whisperer
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11 May 2008, 10:22 pm

How do people go about making NEW friends after their school and uni years?.
From scratch. . .

I got and get bullied and/or slandered at jobs and at uni so I can't turn to those places.
I manage to not be bullied at things like theatre clubs or martial arts (usually) but all I get from that is acquaintances.
Having a social life anew seems a bit impossible to me as everyone seems to have pretty much their lives sorted out with friends from high school, university, etc. . .

The other issue is how to go about not making a scene when going out due to lack of experience.
Showing my ex-girlfriend places was easy as our relationship was already beyond any social shortcomings on my part, we planned stuff together and, if I ever acted weird, chances are we were both already acting weird together.
Other times I've been out were with a group of acquaintances - so I could avoid the spotlight.
So how to, when starting from scratch, go about not letting others find out and be weirded out at the fact one is coming from a 0 social life background.



jay_is_me
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12 May 2008, 6:24 am

I'm not sure if it will work, but I'm joining a volunteer organisation (SES for the aussies out there). I've volunteered in the past with other places, and if you make it a regular activity, you do make good friends! Its a great social outing, but you also get the warm fuzzy feeling of helping out your fellow man. Alot of volunteers around here are "aged" - you probably won't find too many under 50-60, but they love younger people getting involved and will take you under their wing. They have alot of life experience that they are usually more than willing to share! Also, volunteering is a great equaliser - doesn't matter where everyone comes from, it only matters that you turn up and do what they need you to do. I've never ever been bullied doing this, although my mum also volunteers and that may have something to do with it. Bully-type people don't tend to want to work for nothing though.

Do you go out with your sports or theatre clubs? Alot of the socialising happens at the pub after the actual training or event, I find.

Good luck xox



Izaak
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12 May 2008, 8:59 am

heh, me no good at that stuff. but would echo what Jay_is_me said.

At least, that books I've read say that the best way to meet people (post school) is through clubs or courses in stuff you find interesting. I take two or three 6 week cooking courses a year (I like to cook), and do Swing Dancing every monday night. Haven't made any friends, but it is enjoyable.

of course, I am not really looking to make any friends. I already have one, but the potential is definitely there if I did want to. So pick something you like and try that. Of course sporting associations are a good bet too. Join an amateur social sporting competition, or go to lessons to learn a more advanced sport (like fencing.) Apart from that, I can't help you. My friend, I met in high school and have kept. Haven't tried making friends post highschool. Well, I have, but not successfully.



Whisperer
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17 May 2008, 6:30 pm

Thanks, both.

I'm not anymore doing theatre due to schedule reasons. There was a clique that would go out often but I wasn't invited.

I'm doing martial arts. People seem to like me enough to ask me to walk the way back with them; even new people I hadn't seen before.
There used to be a small bunch of us that would go out from time to time. Then I quit for a year. Now that I returned I had assumed I would eventually be invited to whatever but that's not happening.

It's like that all the time: Even if people like me - I guess they do so mildly and already have their social lives structured without the need for new people.



Izaak
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18 May 2008, 1:59 am

Whisperer wrote:
Thanks, both.

I'm not anymore doing theatre due to schedule reasons. There was a clique that would go out often but I wasn't invited.

I'm doing martial arts. People seem to like me enough to ask me to walk the way back with them; even new people I hadn't seen before.
There used to be a small bunch of us that would go out from time to time. Then I quit for a year. Now that I returned I had assumed I would eventually be invited to whatever but that's not happening.

It's like that all the time: Even if people like me - I guess they do so mildly and already have their social lives structured without the need for new people.


That's a problem. Maybe you need to make the first move to get "back into the clique"? Try approaching them instead of waiting for them to approach you. No suggestions on what to say or how to go about it because I don't know that clique or you. But well worth thinking about.

Hope you're enjoying whatever you are doing in the mean time... what "art" are you learning? I always wanted to do Tai Chi (have once or twice) but the people that seem to go to that all seem to be 60 and I felt like more of an outsider than usual.



Whisperer
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21 May 2008, 8:27 pm

M u a y T h a i

. . .not sure why I seem to click with people for hanging out in this kind of groups.
Still, all I'm getting so far is walking the way back with other people.
I'm looking for a chance to bring up the clubbing thing in the form of a question - but it seems like it has been limited to a few that have known each other for years. Maybe the group has grown too large and impersonal as far as the outer layers go (where I stand).
:(