me with my stupid relationship problems again.....

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(sigh)
hello...
I am completely financially bound to this evil lying a**hole....
We run this venue....that got shut down....and my parents have funneled thousands of dollars into helping us reopen....
in the meantime...he contiues to behave recklessly and lie to me and cheat on me.

Last night he proceeded to get shitfaced drunk..and I had no control over the situation because um....I don't drive.....though I repeatedly did ask for cab fare.....

ANywhoo...so he drops me off....and then takes off without saying goodbye and won't answer his phone..and when I finally do get him to answer...he um.....says....

"I love you, and I am on my way to meet you...I am at....(such and such streets..)...but he was not talking to me...he thought he was talking to his other girl....

So I guess I more-or-less caught him....i guess...

That makes me glad that I'm not in an intimate relationship.

I hope that things improve with you, soon.

If your parents can spend 1000s of dollars to keep the venue open, can't they spend it to help set you up on your own? Do you want to leave? Or does it feel safer to stay even though you're being mistreated?

my parents are not wealthy.
these thousands of dollars they have been spending...over the course of several months....will have just gone down the proverbial tubes...

I am bound to this place by the money they have spent on us.

I don't know where I would go....

I just have to detach myself and treat him as nothing more than an obnoxious dishonest manipulitive sociopathic roommate....and despite my extreme executive dysfunction....fine some way to make all the money my parents have spent not be in vain.

Why is he still your boyfriend?

I watched your rubber ducky song on a video you did and I loved it.

He is still my boyfriend because we are both married to this venue, and we really get along well together when he is not being a philandering a**hole....and he has this dependant personality where he on one hand constatnly tells me how vital I am to his existance and on the other hand he um...completely takes advnatage of me and of my family.

So the question is, which is the better option. Your life with him or without him?
If he's causing you pain maybe your art will suffer too.
Maybe your business and your life overall would be better without him.
Could you find someone else to help you with executive functioning, such as one of your parents?

good question...
My emotions towards him are so dulled....
I live with the assumption that every word that comes out of his mouth must be a lie....and his attempts at sincerity are merly manipulative ploys....

gee...
maybe we can just be friends.

(as usual) Things have blown over yet again....
He had a valid explanation as to why i heard him say "I love you and I am coming to meet you" when he thought he was talking to another person...and then why he was out all night and until noon the next day....
He promises he will be better and will not go careening off into the night, drunk out his gourd in my car again....
I went out with my parents and spoke to them about the situation..and they are behind me 100% if I want to get my own place..even though they have thrown away so much $$ on me/us...

But things are ok...

One of the things he loves about me is the fact that I have an almost non-existant anger-instinct...

I agree. PLS, I don't know what sort of financial contracts you have written up with this guy but you should sit down and have a good chat with your parents. Let them know that the guy's horrible for you, you're trying to find a way to remedy the situation (get away from him), they may have some really good suggestions or answers. If its him finding a different financial partner, if he's being that much of a piece that you should just walk and let it crumble (if that's a legal option) - I don't know, but there's always a better answer than being stuck in that position - or at least when you have a safety net (like parents who love you) and it sounds like you do have that at least.

We don't have any financial contracts...we are supposed to be partners....
He is not a horrible person,
But he CAN BE a wreckless thrill-seeking ADDer.
He does not mean to hurt other people(me) with his behaviour, he is just extremely impulse-driven....especially when drunk.
We both have issues with emotional maturity....Men with more advanced emotional maturity would have little tolerance for my executive-dysfunctional..childlike ways..and women with on-par emotional maturity would beat the crap out of him.
Tis evolution that brought us together.
I apologise for making him out to be such a brute. Usually when I am posting here, I am upset and bad things are happening.

So wait, is he the kind of guy who treats people with integrity deep down but has an overwhelming cocky ego and needs to get one up on his buddies on who's pants he can get in? If he's anything like someone I know I think your best bet is to bolt - not that he doesn't care about you but he may well have it set in his mind that you're a fixture, the inbetween person, who he can talk to and rely on while he tries to get something 'better' on the side as much as he can; especially if you aren't doing everything sexually that he's looking for. Its weird but some people are fine setting their moral standards there and will feel like they're taking a justifiable stance in where they're at and how they conduct things - you can't change them.

You're enabling him , honey.

You need to lay down the law , and take your own hurt feelings into account. You can't make excuses for him.

it's not quite like that...(he is almost as socially inept as I am..and he doesn't have any real "buddies")...nor does he have an overwhealming cocky ego......he is kinda-sorta AS-spectrumy the way that I am....but more functional in the sense of being able to drive and whatnot...he is more of just an ADDer without the AS symptoms..while I am an ADDer with alot of AS symptoms.
He does have a small group of wayward druggie friends who are years younger than us (just out of their teens)...because he does not get along with people his own age...

When he went careening off into the night the other night, he was going to meet up with (yes the girl who he cheated on me with for several months starting about a year ago and ending in October)...but supposedly not for sex..it was because she was having a semi-suicidal emotional freakout on the anniversary of her mother's death....(which is chronologicly accurate) and he gave her a ride to her friend's house in Galveston....and ended up staying there because he was wacked out drunk...and i was upset about the endangerment of himself, my car, and others as much if not more than the prospects of him cheating on me again...

Whether or not everything he has told me has entirely been the truth...I will never know...but it is easier to accept than staying mad at him forever.....or sad..or however my broken radio mind chooses to process my "emotions"...

I have no proof that nothing went on...but there is nothing I can do about that...we have been together for years now...and we really do get along well together when he is not being a wreckless drunken maniac.

We are talking about having a slightly more open relationship anyway...as the main point of non-compatability between us is the fact that he has always been sorta non-monogamous.....(he even used to have two girlfriends who actually knew eachother).....my probem is that I just don't know how. I am hideously akward....and virtually incapable of being romantic with people I am not attracted to....and in the rare event that I do find someone i am attracted to...never-mind the highly unlikey prospects that they would be mutually attracted to me (short-pudgy-woman-child)....getting them to accept the fact that I have a boyfriend/partner..what-have-you....who would be my primary commitment....is another can-o-worms entirely.

So yeah...maybe I am enabling him....but there is to much good stuff between us to throw away...(our bands...our venue....our friendship/creative partnership etc...).....and we have managed to survive alot of bad stuff thus far.......i dunnow.....once an enabler, it is hard not to be an enabler.

Part of me wants to give him a taste of his own medicine. Maybe he would come to his senses if I did find someone else...blah.....

Gah.. I dont know

Super tough relationship problems call for super tough solutions. Solutions that are tough to figure out.

I do not see a relationship problem at all. Just a problem relationship.

Giving Flakey a car and money is a problem, the arts community is not known for social maturity.

He is playing off of you will be there for him, and his Tennybopper friends have found an old child, someone who will buy beer for them. Pants down as the price of admission is not uncommon, why else would anyone put up with her?

SHFL worked, for years, so what is the problem with getting open again? Flakey is unemployed, at his only real identity, and as your family has invested, he is under stress just sitting around, and is doing stress relief, like a kid. At least he takes it out of the house.

He is nothing but a beatup old rag doll, but he is your doll.

You two would be great running SHFL, but now live in the home for broken toys.

You are not the problem, he is not the problem, getting SHFL open is the problem.

You are a problem, he is a problem, getting SHFL open is the answer.

As I would not trust either of you with a pencil and paper, what you need is someone who can think clearly, follow through, and solve the problems keeping the doors closed.

So I recall there is a five year lease involved. The show must go on, the toys have a place to play.

So what is the deal? I doubt anyone would issue Flakey a dog License.

You need someone who can pass for human to run the papers and make it happen. It might cost, but so does doing nothing.

As the White Rabbit said to Alice, "The way out is deeper in."

Two ADD's are the problem, you have stalled out on the move, first loss of space, identity, then the horror of moving, finding more space, and it is all energy draining. Problems come up, and it is all too much, and Flakey acts flakey. Would you expect a hair cut, coat and tie, and clearing up the permits and permissions?

I would expect escapist behavior, as reported. No friends his own age, no relation with the business class, as long as it was working it worked, but like your car, he will run it till it breaks, then stare at it.

So you will call a mechanic. Now you need a business mechanic, get the place open, and you will both be too busy to cause problems, most of the time. Can you fix a car? Then do what needs to be done.

You are both unemployable misfits, except at SHFL. You are 25 Watt bulbs with a 1000 Watt darkness.

The down side is last September when SHFL closed, Little miss easy pants zipped them up, she was putting out to SHFL. Now she treats him like an old weirdo and uses him for a cab, but gives him nothing. I would tell you there are no other girls like that, we can have a good laugh, and go on.

The least worse thing that can happen is getting open again. You both need professional help, and Psychs do not get permits. You need someone who can work the system, and it is not you.

So come back as SHFL, and tell us your problems with the permits that your ADD managers are failing to get, and how step by step we can help get the doors open so all the defective toys will have a place to play.

SHFL really did work and filled a need.