I told my psychologist I wanted to kill myself...

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I've been seeing a psychologist for the last two weeks and today I made a revelation to her: I told her that I was going to kill myself. After a brief moment of silence and eye to eye contact, and before she had a chance to answer, I burst in laughter and told her that I wasn't serious about commiting suicide, and just wanted to see her reaction.

From that point on, the therapy session took an interesting turn.

I had a hard time convincing my psychologist that I wasn't serious about commiting suicide. I might have been a bit paranoiac, but from my point of view she seemed skeptical. It's like she thought that a person who isn't serious about suicide could not possibly make that type of joke. I explained her that I sometimes tell people outrageous statements in an effort to evoke reactions that might yield a glimpse into their psyche, and that I was measuring her ability as a psychologist and her loyalty to me as her patient. I also told her that I wanted to see if she attempted to rat me out to the authorities or correctly identified that I wasn't being serious, and if she doubted me at first, whether she'd accept my explanation of my actions.

I think that my psychologist is a very smart lady, and understood what I was doing, but now I fear that she'll have second thoughts and try to institutionalize me anyway, as a way of teaching me a lesson for joking about commiting suicide or perhaps in the interest of evading responsibility should I follow through with my threat of suicide. If she does that, the amount of psychological pain that will be inflicted upon me will be of such great magnitude that my story might very well end up becoming a cautionary tale.

Is it likely that I'll get in trouble if I keep playing these games with my psychologist?

psychologists don't like to have their minds messed with - no matter how flippin fun it can be at times

and yet they are constantly messing with other people's mind. what the hell is that all about?

I don't know about getting in trouble, but it's certainly no way to build a strong, healthy, trusting relationship with your psychologist.

If nothing else, your "joke" was in poor taste. Bear in mind, that this psychologist may very well have dealt with people who were actually suicidal before, and she should take what you said very seriously, even though you later said you were joking. For all she knows, it could have been a cry for help that you later tried to downplay. Maybe she had a hard time believing it was a joke because it was completely not funny.

Anyway, no offense, but it seems like a pretty dumb move. Even if nothing else ever comes of it, I doubt your lie will have a positive effect on your relationship with your therapist. Aren't you the one who comes on here complaining that therapists don't take you seriously? If this incident is a sample of your typical interactions with them, I can see why.

Hmmm, why wouldn't someone responsible for the mental health care of another person not be amused by that person lying about suicidal tendencies?



Okay, I suppose that is *one* interpretation of the mental health field. It's just as valid as saying that surgeons are constantly messing around with other people's bodies. Stupid doctors. Trying to help people and all.

oops. I think my words came out wrong. sorry. I meant, in theory, a psychologist is interested in the mindworks of individuals so by "messing around" with the mind of the psychologist who is "messing around" with the individual's mind it creates an unbeatable reciprocity.

You've forced your therapist's hand. At this point, she has no CHOICE but to doubt what you say. She can't risk trusting you on this; she has a moral and legal obligation to do what she can to protect her client against suicidal ideation. Because she can't trust you at your word, she has to err on the side of protecting your health. I doubt that she is trying to punish you in any sense.

Sad to say, but your best bet is probably to find a brand new therapist. And DON'T joke about this sort of thing again. It's not healthy to "test" people like this, but at the very LEAST, you need to avoid joking on life-threatening matters if you want to build any sort of relationship with a therapist. You've severely impaired - if not destroyed - any potential good you could get out of her sessions.

You might be able to restore some sense of trust here, but you'd have to work hard, and it won't come over night.

Ah, gotcha. Unfortunately, Mw99 chose to do so in a clinical setting where he is more likely to undermine his relationship with his therapist than pique her interest.

Some psychologists do have an interest in mind games, and I remember one in particular who watched the early seasons of Survivor because she was fascinated by the psychological manipulations occurring.

and I totally agree that Mw99 played the wrong game/joke. suicide is nothing to fool with. and I admit my comment was poorly constructed and placed. thank you for pointing that out.

No problem. Sorry for misinterpreting it

I like your avatar by the way. I just watched "Finding Nemo" again this weekend.

Sweet! thank you. I see your cat is eyeing my fish.

Mw99, maybe that psychologist is the wrong person for you. Maybe what you said was a reaction to the way that you fail to click with her. It was a way to disengage from a relationship that was making you uncomfortable.

Scratch "relationship." Make that "interaction."

Are you more interested in playing dangerous games with someone who seems devoted to help you than in actually trying to understand and solve your problems?

It also means you were not working together with the therapist and damaged the construct of trust a therapist has to form with you/you with them. If you wanted to do that - ok. If not - means the therapy is probably very useless from now on.

the yellow outline that cried wolf.

Why would you do that?
Thats the least funny thing to say ever.
In fact its just stupid.
Your psychologist will have people come to her and tell them they are going to kill themselves, some of them will try it, she might have even lost a patient or more. And then you do that. Funny. Real funny.
You know why you couldn't convince her you weren't serious? Because a lot of suicidal people seem perfectly fine on the front, I myself who have attempted and should have succeeded more than once have been smiling and laughing even while buying the means.
You are not her only patient and you are not the first to say that. Think about others before you say things like that, suicide is not funny.

Mw99,
I don't think you'll get into trouble for it. If anything, she/he may just think you are messing with them from now on and might not believe you when you genuinely need help. Kind of seems like a "The Boy who Cried Wolf" type scenario.