Lost the drive for friendship and romance

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AbominableSnoCone
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05 Nov 2005, 10:04 pm

When you've lost all drive to find meaningful friendships or a romantic partner how do you get it back? AFter spending the past 8 years putting forth a very great amount of energy trying to make a connection on a romantic level and getting back little-to-no reciprocity from it, I just can't get myself to try anymore. Its still something I want and I still think of things I can work on to improve my own personality and things I can try out to see if I get positive reactions, but the part of my mind that would carry out the plans I'd formed in the back of my mind is seemingly on vacation.

On the friendship front I don't do horribly badly, I was rather surprised when two separate people I'd known from back home just randomly dropped me a line to see how I was doing (though again, I could not muster the effort to really reciprocate in as meaningful a way as I would like to), but here at school I keep getting a negative vibe off more and more people in my class and I'm beginning to think I'm developing a reputation as the class weirdo. In the past I'd be able to act friendly or goofy in a way to offset this, but now I just can't bring myself to act the clown for people or fake a bullshit nonchalant attitude to make them feel at ease. with my roommates I don't think that I am on terrible terms with them but I get the feeling they are getting less and less tolerant of my flattened affect and when I'm home I just don't want to put up a front anymore I want to let it drop for a little while. I'm almost certain that they are complaining about my behavior behind my back sometimes and I want to stop disappointing them as a friend but I just CAN'T

How do I get myself out of this slump????



spacemonkey
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06 Nov 2005, 12:14 am

Quote:
I just can't bring myself to act the clown for people or fake a bullshit nonchalant attitude to make them feel at ease


I feel the same way. Now that I know why I always felt so different, and I know that my best act will never measure up. I just don't try half the time. I can tell that I am making people uncomfortable, but why should I have to work so hard and put on a show for them just so they don't feel awkward?

I don't really have an answer for you. I'm hoping that if I can find a niche, and I can pursue the things that make me happy, then I will feel like being friendly again, and spreading some of the happiness around.


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Maerlyn138
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06 Nov 2005, 4:35 am

I have found myself shutting down increasingly over the past 3years or so. what makes it bad is that I married my wife after having dated for 5 years (figured that was good warm-up) and she has seen the changes, but thinks its just that my feelings for her alone have changed. and i try to explain to her that it's just me changing. I wish i could go back a few years and be the super-horney guy i was, but i've just seemd to grow out of it. and I try to commiserate with her the best i can but i feel like my resorces for that sort of thing are stretched already. i have alot of anxiety and guilt about my kids; am i spending enough time with them (kide from first marriage, dont have any new ones yet), and when I am with them am i screwing them up by acting theway i do. i seem to always get overstimulated so quickly when i am with them, its like a fog in my head an di cant think and i get really irritable and acutally have to go sit in the bathroom to settle down and have a little alone time. very sad to admit that, i luv my kids very much. pretty sure the oldest is an Aspie, possibly the youngest. both girls. anywho a little off topic there. hope this helps



yealc
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06 Nov 2005, 10:09 am

Maerlyn138 wrote:
I have found myself shutting down increasingly over the past 3years or so. what makes it bad is that I married my wife after having dated for 5 years (figured that was good warm-up) and she has seen the changes, but thinks its just that my feelings for her alone have changed. and i try to explain to her that it's just me changing. I wish i could go back a few years and be the super-horney guy i was, but i've just seemd to grow out of it. and I try to commiserate with her the best i can but i feel like my resorces for that sort of thing are stretched already. i have alot of anxiety and guilt about my kids; am i spending enough time with them (kide from first marriage, dont have any new ones yet), and when I am with them am i screwing them up by acting theway i do. i seem to always get overstimulated so quickly when i am with them, its like a fog in my head an di cant think and i get really irritable and acutally have to go sit in the bathroom to settle down and have a little alone time. very sad to admit that, i luv my kids very much. pretty sure the oldest is an Aspie, possibly the youngest. both girls. anywho a little off topic there. hope this helps


Oh thank God I am not alone. I feel very sorry for my husband right now but I just don't want to be involved in anything outside my own mind right now.

Y


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AbominableSnoCone
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06 Nov 2005, 11:36 am

spacemonkey wrote:
Quote:
I just can't bring myself to act the clown for people or fake a bullshit nonchalant attitude to make them feel at ease


I feel the same way. Now that I know why I always felt so different, and I know that my best act will never measure up. I just don't try half the time. I can tell that I am making people uncomfortable, but why should I have to work so hard and put on a show for them just so they don't feel awkward?

I don't really have an answer for you. I'm hoping that if I can find a niche, and I can pursue the things that make me happy, then I will feel like being friendly again, and spreading some of the happiness around.


Yeah, I now realize that no matter how hard I try they're always going to look on me as a second-class citizen so I really don't see the point of putting that much effort into it.



Ladysmokeater
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07 Nov 2005, 5:14 am

thats not true. We arent second class, and anyone that treats us as that way is ignorant and doesnt deserve us in the first place. WE are unique and special like a rare gem.
There are accepting people out there. They just arent easy to find.



CRACK
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07 Nov 2005, 5:19 am

me too. I lost the drive over a year ago but I think I feel better off this way now.



Ladysmokeater
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08 Nov 2005, 12:04 am

it would seem that once again I opened my mouth and inserted second foot. I had a problem just tonight with some folks that I have known for years. All of them are NT's. It would appear that loosing that desire to try to befriend the world would save me a great deal of heart ache.