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Cold-heartedness

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KateShroud
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28 Jul 2008, 9:31 pm

I've been called a cold person, and I'm not sure why. It might have something to do with the way I isolate myself, or that I seem selfish. I think someone who is cold is a cruel and callous person who intentionally harms others, like a bully. I'm not overly attached to anyone, but I don't really wish harm to come to anyone. I get very angry when provoked, but I get over it. My partner was just watching a prison movie with all these evil felons. Maybe I couldn't watch it because they were torturing this innocent man who was just defending himself. It didn't bother me so much when the bad guy was shot though. So if the description above is of a cold person, then what is a warm person like? Do any of you have experience with this?



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28 Jul 2008, 9:36 pm

People think that you are cold when you're not interested in them. I think conversations with NTs are all about stroking their egos and sounding interested in them. If you're not interested at all, or god forbid, you talk about you or something that you are interested in, then you are cold.

NT conversations are fairly superficial and involve a certain set of rules and given statements. A says x, B says Y, C says DEF, etc. They are patterns of expectations. Anyone who does not follow these given rules and patterns, is obviously wrong and cold. I know, it's bizarre.

You're warm if you are interested in them and you talk back to them about them. God, they say we lack social skills!


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28 Jul 2008, 9:40 pm

I know I can come across as cold, but I try to not let it bother me. The people who know me best would never describe me as cold. However, I am a black and white thinker, a firm beleiver in what is right and just...which sometimes makes me a bit cold hearted.



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28 Jul 2008, 9:45 pm

Liverbird wrote:
People think that you are cold when you're not interested in them. I think conversations with NTs are all about stroking their egos and sounding interested in them. If you're not interested at all, or god forbid, you talk about you or something that you are interested in, then you are cold.

NT conversations are fairly superficial and involve a certain set of rules and given statements. A says x, B says Y, C says DEF, etc. They are patterns of expectations. Anyone who does not follow these given rules and patterns, is obviously wrong and cold. I know, it's bizarre.

You're warm if you are interested in them and you talk back to them about them. God, they say we lack social skills!


A cold person is someone who is uncaring, lacking empathy and feeling. What you just wrote is horesh*t. Stop trash-talking others why don't you and try to better yourself. Seriously, this Aspie-NT rivalry thing really annoys me. We're all human beings.



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28 Jul 2008, 9:48 pm

Liverbird wrote:
People think that you are cold when you're not interested in them. I think conversations with NTs are all about stroking their egos and sounding interested in them. If you're not interested at all, or god forbid, you talk about you or something that you are interested in, then you are cold.

NT conversations are fairly superficial and involve a certain set of rules and given statements. A says x, B says Y, C says DEF, etc. They are patterns of expectations. Anyone who does not follow these given rules and patterns, is obviously wrong and cold. I know, it's bizarre.

You're warm if you are interested in them and you talk back to them about them. God, they say we lack social skills!


I find most people uninteresting because they possess neither the information or opinions that I am interested in. If I don't display warmth, many people assume that I don't like them whereas the truth is I am utterly ambivalent towards them. I hate the way a lot of humans are utterly egocentric and cannot forget about themselves for even a minute.



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28 Jul 2008, 9:54 pm

Quote:
I find most people uninteresting because they possess neither the information or opinions that I am interested in. If I don't display warmth, many people assume that I don't like them whereas the truth is I am utterly ambivalent towards them. I hate the way a lot of humans are utterly egocentric and cannot forget about themselves for even a minute.


This the most ironic statement I have ever come across. It's an utterly self-absorbed person complaining about how other people are utterly self-absorbed. Nice.



corroonb
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28 Jul 2008, 10:03 pm

slowmutant wrote:
Quote:
I find most people uninteresting because they possess neither the information or opinions that I am interested in. If I don't display warmth, many people assume that I don't like them whereas the truth is I am utterly ambivalent towards them. I hate the way a lot of humans are utterly egocentric and cannot forget about themselves for even a minute.


This the most ironic statement I have ever come across. It's an utterly self-absorbed person complaining about how other people are utterly self-absorbed. Nice.


I don't understand why being neutral and interested in certain information or opinions is self-absorbed. Why is being self-absorbed a bad thing anyway?

If I'm not interested in someone, its not because of an emotional reason, its because they don't possess the information I am looking for. They assume that I don't like them because their ego is so wrapped up in the way they think about the world. I am only interested in exchanging ideas and information, not emotional platitudes or idiotic pleasantries.

You have a tendency to make negative assumptions about people and you should think more before posting as this makes you seem to be quite irrational.

When I say "people", I am not specifying neurology. I treat aspies and others identically.



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28 Jul 2008, 10:12 pm

slowmutant wrote:
A cold person is someone who is uncaring, lacking empathy and feeling. What you just wrote is horesh*t. Stop trash-talking others why don't you and try to better yourself. Seriously, this Aspie-NT rivalry thing really annoys me. We're all human beings.


Who is trash talking who here? I did not express any NT rivalry. Facts are facts. There are things that we definitely differ on because of the way that our brains are wired. Sounds like to me that the insecurity is getting to you slowmutant. You wanting to fit in? Be a cookie cutter person? Feeling bad because you can't? Really an NT just picking on the weird kids? What's your problem? I wasn't confrontational and hostile toward you(until now,of course). We're all here trying to learn how to interface with others. Or we wouldn't ask questions and open up topics like this. I concur with corroonb. You are negative and awful.

How have you bettered yourself today?


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28 Jul 2008, 10:38 pm

claire333 wrote:
The people who know me best would never describe me as cold. However, I am a black and white thinker, a firm believer in what is right and just...which sometimes makes me a bit cold hearted.

I can identify with this the most. If it's something I'm reading/watching, I might just tell myself that it's not real. But when I see a show about a real person who was wrongfully convicted and imprisoned for years, I'll change the channel. It's really hard for me to have sympathy for a bully when he/she is punished, however brutally. They broke the rules of justice, so now these laws themselves are conspiring against this person for breaking them. That is how it should be.



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28 Jul 2008, 10:44 pm

slowmutant wrote:
What you just wrote is horesh*t. Stop trash-talking others why don't you and try to better yourself. Seriously, this Aspie-NT rivalry thing really annoys me. We're all human beings.


I know you meant horsesh*t, but whoresh*t totally just became part of my repertoire.

Let's lighten up guys, and get back to helping out the OP! : )

People mistake your detachy-ness for antagonism. But I wouldn't worry about them calling you cold, since the people who know you best don't accuse you of it.


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28 Jul 2008, 11:04 pm

OP: Until I learned he had AS, I thought my boyfriend was upset with me or didn't like me when he would need time to just sit in his own little world. For me, being alone really means I have issues going on, like I have a lot on my mind or am feeling down. I assumed that he felt the same way and when he would go into those little spells of wanting space, it would hurt my feelings because I thought it had something to do with me. I think that in general, people want to feel wanted and cared about and attention is the biggest way to show that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, I'm a bit offended at all of the negativity about NTs. It's immature and counter-productive to just spread negativity in this community. As someone who is "normal" neurologically, I fully accept, love and try to understand and understand my boyfriend who is not. I try not to make him feel inferior and I don't think of him in such a way.

I think mutual respect and understanding is much better than attempting to start a rivalry of which is "better". Neither is better or worse, they are simply different.



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28 Jul 2008, 11:07 pm

Gigglesqueak wrote:
OP: Until I learned he had AS, I thought my boyfriend was upset with me or didn't like me when he would need time to just sit in his own little world. For me, being alone really means I have issues going on, like I have a lot on my mind or am feeling down. I assumed that he felt the same way and when he would go into those little spells of wanting space, it would hurt my feelings because I thought it had something to do with me. I think that in general, people want to feel wanted and cared about and attention is the biggest way to show that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, I'm a bit offended at all of the negativity about NTs. It's immature and counter-productive to just spread negativity in this community. As someone who is "normal" neurologically, I fully accept, love and try to understand and understand my boyfriend who is not. I try not to make him feel inferior and I don't think of him in such a way.

I think mutual respect and understanding is much better than attempting to start a rivalry of which is "better". Neither is better or worse, they are simply different.


This is a good point. By the way, Gigglesqueak, I think your signature is beautiful.


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28 Jul 2008, 11:10 pm

You're all cold-hearted! I must leave this thread immediately ... :cry:



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28 Jul 2008, 11:15 pm

slowmutant wrote:
You're all cold-hearted! I must leave this thread immediately ... :cry:

I hope you're joking or else I'm going to feel really, really guilty all night :pale:


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28 Jul 2008, 11:23 pm

Aurore wrote:
Gigglesqueak wrote:
OP: Until I learned he had AS, I thought my boyfriend was upset with me or didn't like me when he would need time to just sit in his own little world. For me, being alone really means I have issues going on, like I have a lot on my mind or am feeling down. I assumed that he felt the same way and when he would go into those little spells of wanting space, it would hurt my feelings because I thought it had something to do with me. I think that in general, people want to feel wanted and cared about and attention is the biggest way to show that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, I'm a bit offended at all of the negativity about NTs. It's immature and counter-productive to just spread negativity in this community. As someone who is "normal" neurologically, I fully accept, love and try to understand and understand my boyfriend who is not. I try not to make him feel inferior and I don't think of him in such a way.

I think mutual respect and understanding is much better than attempting to start a rivalry of which is "better". Neither is better or worse, they are simply different.


This is a good point. By the way, Gigglesqueak, I think your signature is beautiful.


Actually, it's not a signature, but I put the line there to break up the post since it wasn't related to the OP at all. Just wanting to address the post above.

I'm a nursing major and I've known my boyfriend had aspergers for 2 years. A couple days ago he actually looked into it and realized that he does have it. It's almost like his whole world has fallen apart, he doesn't know how to interpret the knowledge because he's 25 and for his whole life he was "normal" and now he's not. It's been a tough couple of days and I know that he is scared and not sure what to think about things. Plus we just moved in together and things are a bit dramatic in our lives because of all the stress of that - he can't stop moving his hands unless he's sleeping right now.

I'm hoping that I can learn more about his mind by reading here because I really do want to understand him and interpret him the way he means...and sometimes the negativity scares me and makes me want to keep him away from other aspies. I don't want him to pull away from me because he thinks that I'm the enemy or something :(



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28 Jul 2008, 11:27 pm

Gigglesqueak wrote:
OP: Until I learned he had AS, I thought my boyfriend was upset with me or didn't like me when he would need time to just sit in his own little world. For me, being alone really means I have issues going on, like I have a lot on my mind or am feeling down. I assumed that he felt the same way and when he would go into those little spells of wanting space, it would hurt my feelings because I thought it had something to do with me. I think that in general, people want to feel wanted and cared about and attention is the biggest way to show that.

-----------------------------------------------------------------
Honestly, I'm a bit offended at all of the negativity about NTs. It's immature and counter-productive to just spread negativity in this community. As someone who is "normal" neurologically, I fully accept, love and try to understand and understand my boyfriend who is not. I try not to make him feel inferior and I don't think of him in such a way.

I think mutual respect and understanding is much better than attempting to start a rivalry of which is "better". Neither is better or worse, they are simply different.

NT or AS, I don't care, but we need more people like you. This might be why my partner acts the way he does at times. I can tell you though, if I never spent time alone, I would be in some serious mental/emotional pain. As far as the above argument goes, I can't take sides.