Do you need long breaks from people you love?

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Ana54
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30 Jul 2008, 1:03 pm

Would you still miss them? Are you afraid to act on it because it would hurt those people?


I'm just so much of a loner. I need to be alone sometimes without even the POSSIBILITY of being bothered by anyone. Someone you live with telling you they can leav e you alone isn't enough for me. Because things still ARE expected of you.



Brunny
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30 Jul 2008, 1:20 pm

Yep. I need to be alone a lot. Not all the time but if I've been around people for a while I need to be on my own to rest and recuperate. That's why I can't live with a partner or even share with a friend. Need my own space. I'm known for walking off on my own, for instance at festivals like Glastonbury. People think I'm weird for it but I don't know how they can stand being together for a full 4 days like that!

I do live in a "shared house" but the other people are not friends as such, I just bump into them in the kitchen or whatever. They aren't going to want to come into my room to socialise, not for long anyway.



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30 Jul 2008, 1:39 pm

I'm the opposite. I feel that I need to be with that person as much as possible.


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Oggleleus
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30 Jul 2008, 3:03 pm

Yep and Nep. For me, the desire to be alone usually comes after a lot of social interaction. But after time to recuperate, I want to spend time with that person(s). Family is the same way. Like being around them but just not all of the time. Spent 10 years in a relationship where I was smothered to the point that I only had 1 nanometer of my soul still remaining. Asking for time alone, I found will hurt their feelings (really depends on amount of time) but if they respect you and are understanding then it should work out. For me, it created a lot of problems because the other person thought I was up to something when I asked for some alone time.



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30 Jul 2008, 3:31 pm

Oggleleus wrote:
Yep and Nep. For me, the desire to be alone usually comes after a lot of social interaction. But after time to recuperate, I want to spend time with that person(s). Family is the same way. Like being around them but just not all of the time. Spent 10 years in a relationship where I was smothered to the point that I only had 1 nanometer of my soul still remaining. Asking for time alone, I found will hurt their feelings (really depends on amount of time) but if they respect you and are understanding then it should work out. For me, it created a lot of problems because the other person thought I was up to something when I asked for some alone time.

How did you get this person to trust you and stop smothering you? I just assumed I'm the only aspie where he always thinks I'm up to something.



zeldapsychology
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30 Jul 2008, 3:40 pm

I like to be LEFT ALONE! Usually I'm busy playing a videogame searching the web or watching t.v. I also eat alone since I eat quick and my family complains about it so I thought why bother my exceptions are stuff I don't want to make a mess with (Pancake/ceral AND Thanksgiving/Christmas) Those holidays are times when I want to spend time with my family. Even on Birthdays (mine or family) I take the Ice cream&cake and take it into my room. They've thankfully IMO come to terms with the behavior THANK GOD!! ! :-)



Ford_Prefect
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30 Jul 2008, 3:41 pm

I need to be with somebody. But 2-3 hours a day are enough for me...


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Josie
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30 Jul 2008, 4:27 pm

I am the opposite has well. I like to be with love ones a lot. There are days where I'd rather be alone.



Oggleleus
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30 Jul 2008, 5:05 pm

KateShroud wrote:
Oggleleus wrote:
Yep and Nep. For me, the desire to be alone usually comes after a lot of social interaction. But after time to recuperate, I want to spend time with that person(s). Family is the same way. Like being around them but just not all of the time. Spent 10 years in a relationship where I was smothered to the point that I only had 1 nanometer of my soul still remaining. Asking for time alone, I found will hurt their feelings (really depends on amount of time) but if they respect you and are understanding then it should work out. For me, it created a lot of problems because the other person thought I was up to something when I asked for some alone time.

How did you get this person to trust you and stop smothering you? I just assumed I'm the only aspie where he always thinks I'm up to something.


The relationship is in the past tense so the issue; I think it was never really resolved. At first the thought was that I was up to something so I would go someplace (bar) where there was a friend in common where I could be observed not doing anything out of the ordinary but really did not give me the alone time I wanted and created some other problems. Then I think the issue turned into resentment because I was offending the person by not wanting to be by her side 24/7. I think the trust was there but in the process I lost my identity. All in all, could be wrong here, but I think Aspies that like their alone time, like myself, should look for someone that does not want to live their life through your own.



30 Jul 2008, 7:31 pm

I went away to Montana for about a week and I didn't miss my boyfriend. I don't even miss him when he is at work.



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30 Jul 2008, 8:18 pm

I need to be alone much of the time. I never expose myself to situations where I will be unable to find solitude.
There are times when I would like to have a mate or when I like to be with a friend for a period of time, although as I am inclined to be primarily alone, I have not succeeded in acquiring either.


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IdahoRose
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31 Jul 2008, 2:56 am

As much as I love and cherish my wonderful family members, there are indeed many times when I want to be left to my own devices.



pandd
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31 Jul 2008, 3:39 am

I need time completely to myself, and if there is some reason why those I cohabit with are home 24/7 for a period of time, I'll make up reasons for them to go out (like send them on an errand). My partner knows this about me and is generally very supportive of my needs in this regard.



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31 Jul 2008, 7:11 am

I need a lot of space. I think that the people who I like and care about are awesome... it's just that I prefer to appreciate them from a long way away.


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Nikky91
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31 Jul 2008, 3:44 pm

I need long breaks from everyone after awhile, including people I love. They are very understanding about it though, because they don't want to see me when I don't have enough private time. :twisted: