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psmaster
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30 Jul 2008, 6:45 pm

Ok, I have been with this girl, who happens to be 18, and I am 15. She is also engaged. Well, today, her father found out that I love her, and is going to tell the one she is engaged to. But the one she is engaged to is such a fool, he takes her for granted and does not realize just how lucky he is.
Can anyone help!!??
it seems like everything I do lately ends up failing! I did not mean for her to get into any trouble. It is my fault for loving a person who is already spoken for!
I know I should let her go, but I do not know how. She has become a big part of my life, she is literally the only one I can talk to about any thing. I can not imagine being the same without her!


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MR_BOGAN
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30 Jul 2008, 7:02 pm

You're only 15 :?

Just see how things pan out, don't beat yourself up about it. If your feelings are true you haven't done anything wrong.



psmaster
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30 Jul 2008, 7:03 pm

yeah, but i do not want her getting into any sort of trouble on my behalf!


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Gamester
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30 Jul 2008, 7:12 pm

Er........................................

I could say something so totally ironic here, but I'm not going to.

INstead. I'm going to offer you this piece of advice.

If it's meant to be, then it's meant to be. But you're fifteen kid. You're still underage. You can't even legally drink or drive, or for that matter fornicate legally for another year with an adult. You've still got years a head of you.


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WonderWoman
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30 Jul 2008, 7:37 pm

Is she in love with you back? If she isn't or you don't even know, then she hasn't done anything wrong. If she is, this might be a chance for her to change her life and wait for you to get a bit older. However, once a friend finds out your in love with them (if they don't love you back), it can get sticky, but sometimes people get past that. Sorry to hear that the father is meddling. I guess you needed someone to talk to. Bring it here next time. Keep us posted.


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psmaster
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30 Jul 2008, 7:40 pm

She loves me back. I am not one of those crazy people who say I have a girlfriend, but it is all one sided.


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Fnord
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30 Jul 2008, 8:01 pm

Walk away from it.

If the dad tells the fiancé, then you're in trouble.

If your parents find out, then the girl is in trouble.

Leave her alone.


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Gamester
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30 Jul 2008, 8:19 pm

Fnord wrote:
Walk away from it.

If the dad tells the fiancé, then you're in trouble.

If your parents find out, then the girl is in trouble.

Leave her alone.


Didn't I just say that?

But yes. either way there's issues and you don't need this.


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MysteryFan3
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30 Jul 2008, 8:21 pm

Fnord wrote:
Walk away from it.

If the dad tells the fiancé, then you're in trouble.

If your parents find out, then the girl is in trouble.

Leave her alone.


Yeah, if she loves you back and has a fiance, something is wrong. Dear Abby is loaded with letter after letter with this theme. Her dad is trying to get you to walk off without causing a scene. It could be that: 1) she means non-romantic love; 2) you're getting played; or 3) her fiance is getting played. There are other possibilities, none good. I'm betting on 1). And if you two have sex she goes to jail.

Your feelings for her are understandable. You have emotionally bonded with her. It's not wrong but it won't work out. It's going to hurt like hell, but you need to walk away and find someone else you can talk to. And you won't be able to deal with this unless you break off all contact with her.


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Pobodys_Nerfect
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30 Jul 2008, 8:55 pm

She is probably making you addicted to her. It's not your fault. Trust your gut feeling. When I read what you said mine said you should walk away as fast as you can!! :x



psmaster
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30 Jul 2008, 9:36 pm

no, it is not her fault. it is my fault for falling in love with one who is taken. If you knew her, you would know. She is the only person who understands me, and finds that I have aspergers syndrome, OCD, and synesthesia fascinating, and loves to learn about that kind of stuff. She has become obsessed with learning about me, and how I work. Her boyfriend does not understand these obsessions, I do. She is brilliant, and I have been able to do stuff with her that I have not been able to do with anyone else (not sexual :P)
I love her, but I do not want to give her up.


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"God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom."


Gamester
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30 Jul 2008, 10:21 pm

psmaster wrote:
no, it is not her fault. it is my fault for falling in love with one who is taken. If you knew her, you would know. She is the only person who understands me, and finds that I have aspergers syndrome, OCD, and synesthesia fascinating, and loves to learn about that kind of stuff. She has become obsessed with learning about me, and how I work. Her boyfriend does not understand these obsessions, I do. She is brilliant, and I have been able to do stuff with her that I have not been able to do with anyone else (not sexual :P)
I love her, but I do not want to give her up.


Give her up.

as the resident dating and relationship adviser here, my suggestion is pure and simple, it's also the best one that fits.

There is nothing you can do, plain and simple. I don't mean to be rude about it, but I will be frank and blunt.

You're under age (A)
She's over age (B)
She's engaged (C)

There is no snowball's chance in hell. Simple. period. I'm trying to be helpful, but I think that your Asperger's has turned your liking her into an obsession that you don't think you can live without her. If she said she loved you, then it means she loves you in a platonic sense of the word.

there are three meanings of the word love. Agape, Eros.......and I don't remember the third. But Eros is waht relationships are founded on (how ironic that the word now means something else) Agape is what most and all frienships are founded on, platonic (it stems from the ancient word brotherly) brotherly love. the love of friendships.

You have to realize this, that because of her dad finding out, that your parents will be brought into this, you need to seek some realization that you are young and immature, and that there is harm if you continue down this path.

--Doc--


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makuranososhi
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30 Jul 2008, 10:39 pm

psmaster wrote:
Ok, I have been with this girl, who happens to be 18, and I am 15. She is also engaged. Well, today, her father found out that I love her, and is going to tell the one she is engaged to. But the one she is engaged to is such a fool, he takes her for granted and does not realize just how lucky he is.
Can anyone help!!??
it seems like everything I do lately ends up failing! I did not mean for her to get into any trouble. It is my fault for loving a person who is already spoken for!
I know I should let her go, but I do not know how. She has become a big part of my life, she is literally the only one I can talk to about any thing. I can not imagine being the same without her!


There are many forms of love; understanding the distinctions comes with experience. You cannot control others, only yourself and your part in the situation. Don't get involved with someone who is otherwise involved - no good can come of it. Because of the age difference, and her relationship, it is a problematic situation at the start. Be her friend, support her, don't judge her or her choices. If that doesn't work for you, then let her go and take care of yourself. Unfairly practical advice, I'm afraid... not right for everyone, but based on some larger thoughts on behavior, it isn't something that is viable for either of you at this time.


M.


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psmaster
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31 Jul 2008, 2:55 am

It has been done. I feel like s**t! But it will pass, I am sure....
wow.... this hurts....


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- George H. W, Bush
"God made me an atheist. Who are you to question his wisdom."


MisterHeron
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31 Jul 2008, 3:11 am

I would have said to wait it out, and see how things go, but yes, there are tons of complications that can come from this.



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31 Jul 2008, 4:42 am

What happened? :(