Anger and Autism? What's the deal?

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To start off, I'm a slightly autistic male, in fact I have even a less severe form of autism than those who have Aspergers, I have P.D.D.-NOS, which means my symptoms can not be categorized in one set criteria. However this being said, I do consider myself autistic, despite my autism being relatively minor.

I don't mind being autistic, quite frankly it has enabled me to have excellant memorization skills, which do wonders in college. However I write this because it concerns one thing about my autism that drives me up the wall and pisses off when I reflect on it, the inability to feel anger or assertiveness in the manner that most people feel it.

Whenever I deal with anything aggressive, unfamiliar, or familiar in a negative way, I freeze up. It is like being a robot and being splashed with a bucket of water and short circuiting. I don't literally freez up, but deep inside I do, and I feel all rubbery and jello-like physically. It is a fear I can't explain or rationalize, I don't think "oh yeah, this is why I am afraid of this", it is just like an immediate dread that I can't explain. I absolutely hate it with all my being because it makes me feel weak and powerless inside.

Because of this unexplainable dread, I am unable to be assertive or angry at people when people would normally be angry. For instance if someone made fun of me and I don't know them well, I have that feeling of dread I mentioned above. Normally people would get angry at being made fun of, but I become weak. I am a boxing instructor at a local gym, and although I rarely spar, I feel the same dread before I do spar, although I know I know how to box/fight. I can't even compete in competitions because of this damn fear I feel inside, and it pisses me off so f*****g much. It makes me weak, and I want to why it happens and what can I do to eliminate it as much as possible. Yet ironically enough, the only time I get angry is when I'm annoyed, but it has to build up in me.

This is why I have posted this discussion. I hope that you guys can help me in my dileema and will be able to think of constructive and effect ways that you can have anger back. Anger, despite what most believe, is good, without anger, we would not be able to assert our ideas and beliefs, without anger, we would be pushovers. Only when anger is used out of control, such as starting fights or intentionally causing trouble, is it a bad thing. I want to feel strong and confident. So if anyone answers this, know I am very grateful. Thanks


-AutisticMalcontent

I wish I could offer advice. I am absolutely terrified of anger. I never let it come out of me, and when someone else is angry at me, I am absolutely terrified, even if it's someone I love and trust.

I am used to being a pushover, but as a woman this is rarely an issue for me, because if I explain the situation to my husband, he will nearly always get angry and take care of it for me. It's one of the few things that I truly depend on him for. I can definitely understand how in a gender stereotypical world this could be a huge issue for a man.

I get the same way when I have to talk to strangers, especially authority figures. I get so afraid I think I might faint, I get a weakness and sometimes I have a shortness of breath that makes it really difficult to speak. It's a serious problem, even when I am speaking on the phone. Usually I start out just fine but the longer I speak the more out of breath I get.

i have classic autism and i have lots of anger, it helps when i cna stim as much as i can, soemtimes the anger comes out of nowhere and i dont even know why im angry haha.


Oh and autisticmalcontent, pddnos doesnt always mean your slightly autistic, sometimes it can mean your even more severe then aspergers or it can mean your at the same level as someone with aspergers, pddnos is a very confusing diagnosis. There are many people with that diagnosis on here, so your not alone hehe. My first diagnosis was severe pddnos.

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Being Normal Is Vastly Overrated

I have the same issue. By the way, you're not alone in the whole PDD-NOS thing; I identify as autistic because I know I am, but my symptoms are less severe. So I'm borderline aspie.

I don't like being aroung angry people, but can deal with it. And I do get angry myself on occasion.

Hello, Malcontent! I know how you feel, and I'm pretty sure most of the people here do, too. If you're like me, you're totally unable to express your anger in public, but when you're alone, do you vent and beat yourself up?

Actually, when I was a child, I had a reputation for getting very easily angered. In fact, in my school's Grade 6 yearbook, one of my classmates drew a picture of me as a monster. But I think what happened was that my anger served more to embarrass me than anything else. So I learned to suppress my anger until now, when just talking about my past causes me to cry uncontrollably, and I have dreams in which I try to scream, but my throat chokes up and I'm unable to continue.

So I hope you can find a way to deal with your anger, and I thank you for giving me something to talk about at my next support group meeting!

I know about the freezing and going blank, this feeds into other peoples ideas that I am stupid.
Not helpful.

what your describing is a type of meltdown.
a sensation of overwhelmingness that manifests itself physically.
AS will nearly always not know how to be assertive, they go from passive to uber angry in a second.
there is no in between, usually.

i have trained myself to be more assertive, it takes time and practice like anything.
first step is to recognise the proble, you seem to have identified this well.
then practice and rehearse response to situations you have been in and you may expect to see yourself in.
i mean rehearse in front of a mirror.
be calm and be verbal, when i used to get angry i was neither.
a good tip. try and never use the word "you"
try and speak with someone when your angry without using the word you.
it hard, but it really diffuses the situation in a confrontation until you learn othr skills.
i use..."i feel" instead of you.

it has helped a lot.

Great advice Donkey!

That could work in practice, but in practice I need to remember the "I feel" rather than "you"

Attributing blame is a big thing that both my partner and I fall victim too so it's like swings and roundabouts!

I watched an episode of The Sopranos last night and Tony was seeing his shrink. She said that depression can be caused by rage turned inwards.
Now how much I believe that I don't know but I it's an interesting theory nonetheless.

I am fortunate however that I know how to repair drywall damage otherwise there would be a lot of explaining to do!

For me personally it is an accumulation of things that lead me to explode but also it can be just the right time, if you know what I mean.

I was asked once if I meditate, I laughed, then I said I haven't found trousers comfortable enough to meditate in.
That was the end of that conversation!

Later Later

Same here.

Here is my problem. There is no middle ground with anger for me. I either completely lose it or have no anger. I need to find a middle ground for my anger.

Thank you guys for all your input. I knew I wasn't alone, that there were people like me. Your own accounts validate what I've been feeling. I'd also like to say a big thank you to Donkey for explaining what I'm feeling and giving me advice on it. Thanks a lot!

im pleased i could help.

I don't know what the deal is, but I know I've experienced it. Uncontrollable rage. Massive meltdowns. I've mellowed as I've got older though.