Getting Women to Take You Seriously

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I think a big part of my problem is that women just don't take me seriously enough. The response varies, but the cause is that they don't take me seriously, I think. If a woman thinks you're interesting, nice, or funny and thinks probably a lot of women would like to meet you but she's not thinking of the possibility of her dating you herself, she's not seriously perceiving you as a potential dating partner. A more obvious case is when a woman openly decides to mess with you. The problem is that these women may see your good qualities, but they're not connecting them to dating you, and there must be something inhibiting that.

I have tried being more direct and open, which often leads to the women messing with you. Formerly, when I was more reserved, women would say I seem pretty nice. To me it's been looking like a case of damned if you do, damned if you don't. The whole crap about "alpha male" or "social dominance" doesn't matter either because I have tried coming across as more self-confident and socially at ease, which is what leads to women messing with me.

do you look younger than your actual age?

you will find that despite AS women will treat you how you treat and view yourself.
how you interact with others is/can be a reflection of how you are with yourself.
too many AS seek validation through others.
i feel it is important to be able to validate yourself, the women will follow.

Personally, I was always more likely to go for the weird goofy one that the totally serious one. Serious is boring, I require a certain level of insanity.

You are going at it wrong. When it comes to alpha male either you got it or you don't. Its something you are born with; its not something you can pretend to be or practice real hard to be good at it.

Pretty much Aspies have to give up the idea of dating unless you are willing to change and get over all your Aspie weirdness of sensory issues, social uncomfortableness and weird obsessions and hobbies. Sure a few AS men get married, but most never get a girlfriend. Look at it this way AS people have very little to offer another person in a relationship, so if you were NT why the hell would you want to date an Aspie?

If you are adamant about the dating thing then quit trying. The harder you try to get someone's attention the more they are repelled because you look desperate. There is nothing more sexually revolting to a woman than a desperate man. And we can always tell when a guy is friendly because his only sole purpose in bothering to speak to us is he wants to have sex.

Last edited by Ticker on 16 Aug 2008, 4:26 pm, edited 1 time in total.

She's damn...right.

I disagree. I believe that if an aspie learns proper social skills and dating rules, they can find someone who will accept their more quirky traits. Who are you to say that people with AS can't offer anything to a relationship? I have AS, and I have more than enough to offer.

The only thing I'd say here is be honest about your feelings or proclivities as to whether or not you like touch, sex, etc. Those are key issues in a romantic relationship. You may just meet someone who feels the same way. There are even celibate marriages out there. But, anyone who declines to be honest about such things is asking for possible trouble at some later point. If you marry someone with a high sex drive and dislike even being touched, that is not a good match. Honesty's best. You dont have to go into all that right away, though. Only if things progress to where being physical is an issue or topic of conversation.

Look I'm not saying Aspies are bad. The DSM for Aspergers involves things like bad social interactions, sensory overloads, lack of eye contact, not liking to be touched, not sharing feelings or not showing empathy for another, etc. That is what Aspergers IS. It totally contradicts what is needed for a strong healthy relationship. In really simple terms if you turn and run out the door when you go into a crowded restaurant or store, or can't eat foods that are touching on the plate, eat only macaroni, talk only about your Japanese glass float collection and can speak of nothing else but your obsession, can't look at people when they speak to you or hold a two way conversation with others THEN you just aren't going to be very successful dating NT's. To an NT its like dating an alien. Also since only 6% of Aspie adults (as stated in a British study) actually have employment that is the #1 reason Aspies have nothing to offer. People don't want to date someone who lives with their parents and can't even pay for their own meal or drive themselves to the date.

It doesn't mean you as an Aspie are bad. Aspies and NT just don't click with each other. You can be a wonderful Aspie person, but it doesn't make you compatable with an NT for a relationship. If you have the same things to offer that NT's offer then you may not be an Aspie. Its that simple.

Who the hell are you? I don't recall your nick. At last....someone with some realistic view.

Hee hee...I'm just an old Aspie fart who hasn't posted much recently. I get involved in my own life dramas such as the recent one with employment and leave WP for awhile. Plus I get fed up with those who speak of things they have no experience with. I'm going to have to look up your old posts because I saw a post I think referring to your theory on Singlism. Sounds like a must read. Cheers!

Or rather, if an Aspie learns how to earn good money.

... and how much of it to flash, when, and to whom.

Money is the most powerful deoderant known to man ... and sometimes the most powerful aphrodisiac.

You have to act confident. Despite what your past experiences may have taught you, confidence is a must. And don't let girls mess with you. Don't take the bait and don't jump through their hoops.

Confidence can be faked.

I acted plenty confident talking to that girl at the pool who was messing with me and may have overdone it. When I made the many social faux pas I had made, I pretty much just ignored them and continued as if I didn't make a glaring mistake. But if you really don't know what you're doing socially but act as if you do, the discrepancy must be comical. Maybe that was why she started messing with me.

My Asperger's isn't that severe, or rather I've adapted somewhat and picked up the ability to at least appear relatively normal on first impression (without too much of the blatant autistic behavior of, say, Amanda Baggs). The trouble for me has been the subtler areas of social interaction rather than the gross mannerisms that may shoot down lower-functioning aspies and autties.