should parents be allowed to smack their children?

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today, in britain, politicians are considering banning parents from smacking their children.

my opinion is that parents should be banned from using any type of physical punishment as i believe that violence is counter-productive to the moral development of the child.

this is an example of why hitting children is a stupid thing to do:

one day, at work, a couple with two children in a double pushchair came up to the till to pay for some shopping. the two children were bickering with each other (as young siblings do) when one of them lashed out at the other. the father of the children then smacked the child who had hit the other one and said "don't hit your sister- it's wrong!" i thought it was hardly suprising that the boy had hit his sister when he had learnt from his parents that hitting is an acceptable thing to do when you want to gain control of a situation.

I think all parents should be required by law to take parenting classes. This will help develop better skills to raise their children, and avoid the use of corpal punishment.

My son is too young yet for me to know whether or not I'll ever have to resort to smacking.
However, having owned a dog from when it was a wee puppy, I do have an idea of what's involved with bringing up misbehaving little ones.

Generally, smacking the dog, no matter how naughty he was tended to be counter-productive. You have to be clever and apply a little psychology. If the dog is after attention, giving him a smack because he just pee'd on the carpet is only giving the dog the attention he craves, etc.

So, tranferring these skills to kids, I imagine it to be much the same. However, I wouldn't rule out a well-controlled smack if all forms of reasoning and psychology have failed. Pain creates a response that is easily associated with doing wrong and rarely forgotten.
If your child was being quite insistent on trying to poke the eyes out from the family cat (for example), would you spend time reasoning why the child was doing this and working out the best method to stop the behaviour? Or would you give them a smack in order to save the poor cat's eyesight in the short term?
I think that's quite a difficult one to answer truthfully.

wow, i cant believe you just compared your son to a dog... i wouldnt want anyone to smack me if; "all forms of reasoning and psychology have failed". cause it would seriously f**k with my head, and i would be alot worse off.
isnt your kid more important than your cat?
(not that i have anything against animals, im just saying)
i thought it was already prohibited?

I don't like smacking, and I especially dislike people who smack their kids in stores or in public or, for that matter, on a routine basis.

But what is a parent to do when there is something very dangerous, such as a power outlet, or something hot that will burn them, and they insist on trying to touch it? In such a case, I think that smacking the child's hand can be appropriate- it is better thatn the alternative of being shocked by the electricity or burned.

The cat was just one example, what if the kid is intent on doing themselves harm and you can't think how to stop it right there on the spot any other way?

I'm not saying I'd be smacking my son for the sake of it, but if all else fails then I'd like to have the option there. With any luck I won't need to, but I don't need the state trying to tell me how to bring up my son, it's bad enough with the in-laws interferring as it is!

Exactly. That was the point I was trying to make - albeit very badly!

I just think there are more effective means of behavioral teaching to children than by smacking them. Far more effective means.

Hitting is used by parents who don't know how to do anything else but hit and who have likely also been taught by their parents that hitting is an acceptable form of child management.

"Well my parents hit me and I turned out fine!"

Except for the fact that you hit your children.

yeah, thats exactly whats wrong with it... i just know i would be fine if i hadnt been touched by any one in any way while growing up. AS kids dont like being touched at all. (in general, not all of course)

but surely if it is just a matter of acting quickly to prevent something bad happening, wouldn't it be just as easy to restrain the child and and deal with (a non-physical) punishment when the danger has passed?

by the way, i don't know because i don't have children and probably never will. so if i'm being unrealistic please explain it to me.

To be fair, using restraint should usually work. But what happens when you let them go, or the next day and they try to do <insert something daft that kids will try here>?

I reckon 99.99% of the time there should NEVER be a need for smacking. But there is a small chance that on a very rare occasion it may be required.

Maybe I'm wrong, perhaps I'll be the perfect parent and bring my kid up without ever resorting to a smack - that's certainly what I'm aiming for. Realistically, I just don't know if that's possible. I work long hours, I have a lot of responsibilities and stress affects me badly. Sometimes I may not be capable of the level of reasoning and caring that could avoid having to use a smack to prevent the kid from hurting themselves?
I'm sure I'd rather smack them and risk affecting their self-esteem a little, than risk a serious injury or death.

I certainly don't condone beating a child in any circumstances. However, people who haven't actually got kids should really reserve judgement on us poor, stressed out parents before banning a good smack on the basis of what a non-parent feels may or may not be appropiate without due consideration of all circumstances...That's not intended as a dig to anyone here.

BTW, for any parents out there who might be wondering what alternatives there are to smacking, but are too afraid to ask, here's a pointer:

Most bad behaviour these days is because the child is trying to get your attention. Don't give in by giving them the wrong kind of attention, i.e. shouting, smacking etc. Make a point of doing something fun with them.
If they demand your attention by being bad, then make them stand in the naughty corner, or send them to their room to cool off.

If a child is doing something bad, try to imagine what they're thinking (tough that one), it may be possible that they simply don't understand or realise that they're doing something wrong. Smacking them here will create confusion and fear, and the child will still not understand what they've done wrong. Explain to them, in simple terms why it's not good for them to do <whatever>.

Reward good behaviour. Build up points for good behaviour, deduct them for bad behaviour. If by the end of the week a certain threshold is reached, reward with favourite activity, e.g. a cinema trip.

Make a point of praising all desired behaviour, don't just expect it - reward it.

Hope this helps any stressed out parents out there!

Yes. So many people forget that negative reward and punishment don't just help to curb unwanted behaviors but that positive rewards helps to reinforce the good ones. I think every person on earth could benefit from behavioral modification classes (the basic stuff that is). They not only learn how to help their children model their behavior but to model their OWN behavior as well.

oh, i'm not judging- i'm just trying to understand how other people see the issue. in fact, the main reason why i'll probably never be a mother is because i don't think i have the skills required to be a good parent (by the way, i'm not implying that this has anything to do with AS- i'm talking about my own personality). i fear that if i were to become a parent i would be more likely than others resort to hitting the child because i am quite easily irritated, although i hope that wouldn't be the case.

i am concerned that a lot of kids who are smacked by their parents grow up to have tendancies towards violence, sometimes even turning on their own parents once they are big enough to over-power them. and, to be honest, if i had been punished with a smack rather than being told off when i was a kid (although i did get a few little smacks) i think i would've been a lot naughtier because the experience of being told off (for example) made a bigger impression on me than the sensation of being smacked.

hitting them just tells them that "if you do/dont do this again, this is what will happen to you!" as a parent, i believe you are responsible to tell them what is right or wrong and WHY it is right of wrong. i strongly believe that a lot of ignorant people of today were reared a lot as children.

Do you mean hitting as in discipline or in anger? If it's in pure discipline and done correctly, I don't see anything wrong with it. The kid should know why he's being spanked, and the reasons should be made clear. If it's hitting in anger, that might be counted as child abuse.