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ghouna
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22 Aug 2008, 7:41 pm

Do you have a lack of empathy?

When people are telling me their stories, i never know how to react. When they are crying, i am not confortable, and make a bad joke usually. :?


But if i watch a programm i will cry during the whole lengh! (even with big brother!)
I am a big cryer when i watch TV. And my best friend and hubby are always laughing at me, because i cry for no reason!

But with real people, i dont know what i should do or say.



ChristinaCSB
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22 Aug 2008, 7:42 pm

Yeah I have trouble understanding how others feel.



aspiartist
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22 Aug 2008, 7:47 pm

If you cry watching TV then it probably means you don't have a lack of empathy, but in social situations perhaps it makes you so uncomfortable that you aren't sure how to respond.

It's just a guess. It's only for the individual to really know.



claire-333
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22 Aug 2008, 7:55 pm

I know I have said it before...Sometimes I just have trouble giving a crap.



ghouna
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22 Aug 2008, 7:57 pm

yes i think so, because i am very emotionnal. sometimes just by thinking of something sad i will cry. :roll:
but with people, i would like to run away.

And sometimes i want to say to people "oh stop complaining! dont moan . it is nothing ..."



ghouna
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22 Aug 2008, 7:58 pm

claire333 wrote:
I know I have said it before...Sometimes I just have trouble giving a crap.


what does that mean?



aspiartist
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22 Aug 2008, 8:17 pm

No one can give a crap all the time, but when one never gives a crap then one knows he/she is incapable of emathy.



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22 Aug 2008, 8:18 pm

I will cry and cry about my television characters but sometimes when I am talking to someone I just have absolutely no idea how they feel. It's better now, I intellectualize the problem and then am able to feel the emotion. I have always been very sympathetic though, just not empathetic.


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Kauf039
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22 Aug 2008, 8:23 pm

I have trouble when someone around me is crying as well. I want to help, to take away their pain, I just have no idea how to go about it. I want to do something, make it better... but I end up just standing there looking like a moron and get accused of not caring. I DO care, I just have no idea what to do to fix it.

TV is easy because I know that it is going to get fixed in one way or another by itself and I can just loose myself in the emotion of the moment. Its one of the reasons why I love movies and the like: I can just be and not think about it... until after or if they do something really stupid (which is more often than not in many shows/movies now adays).


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22 Aug 2008, 8:39 pm

I do not empathize very well. However, I have, through careful study and observation, managed to figure out the socially appropriate external responses to a variety of situations and can sometimes emulate them.


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Buddy369
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22 Aug 2008, 8:49 pm

Up until early adulthood, I sometimes overempathized. But I find that often I have a hard time listening to people. Through practice, I have become better at listening to my oldest friend who lives 400 miles away. He's married to a nasty piece of work (the nice guys always seem to be) and has a screwed up job. He likes to call me while he is driving home. It seems to be the same stuff over and over, but he's a really good guy and I really care about him. I try not to jump in and give advice. I know you're supposed to just listen and empathize. Sometimes I'm better at it than other times.

I don't know if I'm actually narcissistic--after five decades of pain and frustration I have turned inward and shut people out. I think I'm probably more comfortable one-on-one with people in a private setting than I am when there are other people around or in public. I'm really uncomfortable when I perceive that someone is causing a scene or attracting attention from bystanders. The irony is that I'm largely oblivious to people staring at my artificial leg and I NEVER know when someone is attracted to me. I have absolutely no idea.

The irony is that I can get inwardly irate if I think people aren't empathizing with me--especially if I try and stop or redirect them and they keep going. I can reach the point where I am willing to write them off for all time. I don't know when I decided that people are disposable. But somewhere along the way I did. It used to be that I would excuse or forgive anything, but not any more. One of my biggest problems is when I feel like I'm not being heard.

Growing up my mother often accused me of being in my "own little world" (boy, was that an understatement!). She would get frustrated if she was scolding me and my brain would fog up. Not being diagnosed with ADD until I was 40, I had no understanding. She had no idea what planet I was on and neither did I.

Nowadays I find it hard to empathize with people who have not experienced the kind of isolation and frustration that I have. I know people have problems, and the really hard ones do get to me. But the every day stuff I have a hard time relating to. I've gone through things that they can't understand. And one of my biggest problems is that I have such a big collection of mental, emotional, and cognitive differences that are low-to-medium grade that it's hard to make people understand. They think it's not a big deal. But my missing leg seems like a big deal to them. But that's actually the easiest thing I have to deal with.

I try not to be self-centered around people or keep talking about some arcane subject until they're bored to tears--but it just creeps up on me. Then I feel guilty and damaged. I know that the hallmark of a lady or gentleman is putting others at ease, asking them questions, and listening to what they have to say. But I'm just so damn lousy at it.

Sometimes I think I need an empathy transplant.



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22 Aug 2008, 9:00 pm

I'm usually quite empathetic, a little too much for my own good sometimes. But then again I shouldn't really be replying to this because I don't technically have AS... however I lacked empathy until I hit my teens.. not sure what clicked but something did.



claire-333
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22 Aug 2008, 9:30 pm

ghouna wrote:
claire333 wrote:
I know I have said it before...Sometimes I just have trouble giving a crap.


what does that mean?


Just what it says. When it comes to other people's problems, sometimes I just have trouble giving a crap. I would not say I am totally incapable of empathy, but I pretty much live in a state of indifference.



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22 Aug 2008, 10:14 pm

ghouna wrote:
Do you have a lack of empathy?

When people are telling me their stories, i never know how to react. When they are crying, i am not confortable, and make a bad joke usually. :?


But if i watch a programm i will cry during the whole lengh! (even with big brother!)
I am a big cryer when i watch TV. And my best friend and hubby are always laughing at me, because i cry for no reason!

But with real people, i dont know what i should do or say.


That's not a lack of empathy, it's a lack of translation abilities.



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22 Aug 2008, 10:21 pm

I cry if someone else is crying and I also will laugh if someone else laughs.....Its not that I feel someones feelings its just that I am compelled to immitate. I remember when I was a kid the other kids would get really mad at me and tell me not to immitate them...."dont copy me".
I think I CAN empathize to a certain extent if I have had a similar experience....I still dont "feel" others feelings but I can relate and I can also sympathize.



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22 Aug 2008, 10:25 pm

My empathy is just kind of sluggish and lethargic. I feel like it shouldn't be forced anyway, just nurtured.