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Orwell
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22 Aug 2008, 8:32 pm

I really did. I'm just starting uni this fall, and my school is known for a party atmosphere. That part I was apprehensive about, but I liked the idea of having a clean slate to start to be social, hopefully utilizing what I've learned through the many years of social failings in my hometown. Today there was some party hosted by the university, and I tried to go. But I just couldn't. Or rather, I couldn't stay, because it was such an uncomfortable environment for me. The music was too loud, and I don't like rap anyways. How is it supposed to be a social event if you can't even hold a conversation with the person next to you? Not that that was an issue, since NT's seem to have this magical ability whereby they spontaneously arrange into ordered cliques within minutes, and I'm never able to catch these forming so as to be part of them, and of course forget trying to break into an already-formed group. That's simply not possible for someone with my level of personal charm and social skills. So I was left pretty much alone and somewhat disoriented from a combination of the music, crowd noise, lighting, and just the multitudes of people moving in every which way. After about a minute, it was fairly clear: this was not where I belonged, and not where I would ever be happy. I am now enjoying some quiet, peaceful solitude in my dorm room.


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Mutanatia
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22 Aug 2008, 9:50 pm

I can't really socialize in areas where you can't hear the other person either. As for cliques, they just...form...out of nowhere sometimes lol.

Finally, you might way to take your hat off to yourself. Why? Because you tried :)



Orwell
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22 Aug 2008, 9:57 pm

Mutanatia wrote:
Finally, you might way to take your hat off to yourself. Why? Because you tried :)

I was wearing a hat at the time, and for a moment wondered why you thought I would have better luck without the hat. :lol: :oops:


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pbcoll
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22 Aug 2008, 10:06 pm

I totally sympathise. I hate cliques and can never figure out how people join them, parties are just about the worst setting for me to socialise in.


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Mutanatia
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22 Aug 2008, 10:36 pm

Orwell wrote:
Mutanatia wrote:
Finally, you might way to take your hat off to yourself. Why? Because you tried :)

I was wearing a hat at the time, and for a moment wondered why you thought I would have better luck without the hat. :lol: :oops:


LOL...I was going to say "You should be proud of yourself," but I thought that was a bit condescending. Anyways, yeah, cliques are hard to navigate. The only thing I've found that might help is....in order to be part of a clique, you have to know someone who is in the clique. HOWEVER! For the most part, they still regard you as an outsider. So I guess you could say they "tolerate" you :-p



Tahitiii
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23 Aug 2008, 1:52 am

Cliques form for a reason. All of them for different reasons.
Maybe it would help to think of a clique as group therapy for people who are not like you.
It's not true, and they probably won't make any progress,
but the point is that they have something in common that you will never understand.
They don't understand it either, and if they did, they would never tell you.

Better to find something that does make sense to you.
Can you work on the school literary magazine or something useful?
Good things happen while you're working together on something that makes sense.



BokeKaeru
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23 Aug 2008, 2:35 am

Your experience more or less mirrors mine in social situations, party or otherwise. It's always amazed, scared and saddened me, how I'd walk into a room and everyone, before I knew it, would be in groups and talking with each other as if they'd known each other for years. It only worsened my own social paralysis, too. I wonder how everyone picks up on it so fast...?

Better that you realize this now and hold it in your mind for next time. I tried numerous times to go to "social" events, and even though I honestly tried to enjoy them and stay longer than I felt comfortable, I always ended up feeling more lonely being there than when I first arrived. :( Best to put one's efforts at things where one is in their element, really.



Hector
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23 Aug 2008, 5:32 am

My favourite kinds of parties are:
a) well-attended
b) in someone's house
c) not completely drowned out by music, and there is a good deal of space where the music can be ignored
d) where the only people I know are a couple of friends (otherwise the people I know would likely make a clique isolating themselves from the others)

Comparatively speaking, I'm very likely to make new friends in those situations.

That said, these ideal parties don't come along that often. For the others, a good deal of patience is required. I still sometimes meet new people, strengthen existing friendships and hence or otherwise enjoy myself. Sometimes I don't, but it really does mean something to people that you're game to go out and try to socialise even if you're struggling a bit (and especially if you're friendly about it as opposed to grumpy).



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23 Aug 2008, 12:20 pm

Orwell, do you go to Chico State? :lol: haha


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Orwell
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23 Aug 2008, 4:52 pm

TutuFairy wrote:
Orwell, do you go to Chico State? :lol: haha

No, University of Miami, in Florida.


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TutuFairy
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24 Aug 2008, 1:00 am

Oh. haha Yeah, I imagine that would be a pretty big party place too. :wink:


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Myles17
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24 Aug 2008, 10:17 pm

maybe you can make friends by joining clubs.. there are tons of groups at college right? ... I hate cliques.. when I was in elementary and middle school i fit into the most popular cliques, but in highschool something went wrong... dunno i think i matured too fast throughout those years. I hope you can make friends :(



benjimanbreeg
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24 Aug 2008, 10:36 pm

Orwell has a weakness 8O I really don't like those situations. And when its music you don't enjoy that makes it even worse. You have to be blind drunk to even be able to handle that. Thats why I used to appreciate smoking, it'd look like I was doing something in a night club, instead of just standing there, like you say, you can't talk, without shouting in someone's ear. I quite enjoy going to a pub and playing pool, maybe gamble a little :P There must be another crowd to join, surely not every single person does that bullshit. Maybe look into getting a girlfriend.



burnse22
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25 Aug 2008, 10:54 am

I feel for ya.

There must be clubs and societies and stuff to join. If you don't like parties there's not really much point in trying to socialise at them.

Surely there's a politics and/or philosophy society/club.

CHances are you'll meet people during lectures and tutorials as well.


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Orwell
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25 Aug 2008, 10:45 pm

benjimanbreeg wrote:
Orwell has a weakness 8O

Quite a few, actually.

Quote:
You have to be blind drunk to even be able to handle that.

And I don't drink.

Quote:
There must be another crowd to join, surely not every single person does that bullshit.

Clique wasn't really the most accurate word choice there. I meant that, in large group/party situations, NT's seem to spontaneously form into small conversation groups. I don't know how to break into one of those without being incredibly awkward, and they form too damn fast for me to get in.

Quote:
Maybe look into getting a girlfriend.

Would like to, but that requires even more social skills that I lack.

RE: Joining campus groups. There's a chess club I'm planning on joining, and a microbiology club. And I'm in the marching band, and the people in it are friendly enough. Plus, my whole floor is pretty cool. But I'm pretty sure it's time for me to give up on the party scene.


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