So at 32 years of age I know I’ve been different from most everyone else for a while now. Very very shy, reclusive, private & guarded, don’t like change, I need a certain degree of routine and predictability in my day, hate surprises and loud noises, prefer to be alone for the most part. While sometimes fascinated with people I’m not particularly interested in knowing them (with a few exceptions). I do like having some around for a while but I rarely connect with them. Socially awkward or ret*d fits me perfectly. Also have a very difficult time expressing & verbalizing my feeling…I basically don’t.
Horrible at small talk, couldn’t participate in it to save my life. Also horrible at any sport using a bat or club…very uncoordinated in that regard….but I bond very well with mechanical things. I love spirited driving and motorcycling.
I’ve recently taken all the online AS test and consistently scored high in the Autism spectrum.
Diagnosed with ADD in 1983 (actually diagnosed ret*d the first place my mother took me….but she knew that wasn’t true)….anyway, took Ritalin for 5 years which did improve my grades while it turned me into a zombie. (grades are more important apparently.) Friendships were usually short lived…I was also the target for bullying and being picked on all throughout school.
I’ve been able gather that I don’t open up to people....In my early 20’s some friends confronted me on this and I went into fight or flight mode. I don’t really know why, not a pleasant experience though…..but that’s when I got a clue that there is a problem. I still really don’t know what people want from me though. I just don’t get people for the most part.
Work is a love hate relationship. I like my work and love the rules, the structured environment and the clearly defined social boundaries. I can interact easier with others at work because of this which is nice because I basically don’t interact outside of work with the exception of a couple friends I have. The hate part comes into play because most people don’t follow the rules, which pisses me off to no end……I can go on and on about how stupid everyone is at work.
I like Music, movies, photography, architecture, cars, mechanical things in general, the outdoors, and my passion is motorcycling.
I sound like a total creep in the 1st paragraph but I’m actually a pretty nice guy.
I do a decent job of fitting in *at first* and pretending I know what the hell is going on…..but I’m still “That weird guy.”
I’ve just recently been investigating Aspergers to see if I fit the bill because the ADD doesn’t answer everything for me. What to you all think? For me, reading these posts is like looking in a mirror.
Glad to be here and have something to relate to.
14 Nov 2005, 3:45 pm
