I think I have OCD and it's affecting my mental health

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samtoo
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13 Sep 2008, 11:06 am

Now I'm not confirming this or anything, but I believe it could be... sometimes my mind may say bad things to people I care about or whatnot... and I'll become obsessed with fighting these dark thoughts. It leaves me in a slump.

It's as though they try to tempt me to mess myself up, or mess someone else up and things.
I can't hide in the dark - this is messing me around.

It feels like they have their own conscience, and they attack me and others in certain circumstances.
I feel sleazy and a bit evil sometimes, feeling that I'm using cunning to get my own way... I don't like this feeling.

I feel obsessed about lots of things too - in the past I've been too afraid to play the guitar due to believing the world has some ever present conscience, and is stopping me doing things.

I'm humiliated to work, because I'm obsessed with thoughts of "hierarchy" and sometimes I feel humiliated when I get up and walk...
I often feel people will look down on me from things that I've picked up on.

I need help. Can anyone offer me any suggestions?

Also, I'm aware some say part of AS build up is OCD. Could this be AS?


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samtoo
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13 Sep 2008, 11:33 am

Also I often feel that, when there's a thunder storm, I mustn't underestimate it or be too calm... it's as though I fear if I do this that the risk of being struck is higher.

I often obsess about the future and get worked up over the past, which seems to take a toll in my thoughts in certain circumstances.

Maybe the feeling of your mind having some powerful dark side isn't OCD... I don't know.

I've had theories that I could have some minor psychotic thing going on... like Schizotypal PD or something, but that's probably a very unlikely and farfetched theory.

One thing's for certain - I have AS.

I like to fantasize and pretend I'm an animated character at a given time sometimes...
I often get paranoid about others around me and feel that, if I play the guitar, it's a lost cause because I think that people might try to beat me down in the world of music.

I don't really know what to think... can anyone help?


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computerlove
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13 Sep 2008, 12:39 pm

read this book:
Man's search for meaning by Viktor Frankl. It's not another self-help book, it's much much better. It's a little book divided in two parts: The first part is about his life experience at a concentration camp in WWII, and the second part deals with logoteraphy, "hyperreflexion", "paradoxical intention" and why some of the people that were prisoners (and now free) had the urge to destroy and all that.

The thing is, you need to LAUGH about your obsessions, and conciously "over obsess".
Yeah, you'll realize that obsessing is stupid and you'll laugh at this = cure!.


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hale_bopp
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13 Sep 2008, 9:47 pm

Are you talking about intrusive thoughts that you think without wanting to?



samtoo
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13 Sep 2008, 11:31 pm

computerlove: I don't read much but thanks for pointing that out. I might read it one day who knows... thanks for the suggestion about the laughing and things but certain things hurt me to obsess over, so I'm not sure I should deliberately obsess over them.

hale_bopp: Yes. I believe that might be what I'm talking about.


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computerlove
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14 Sep 2008, 12:30 am

^ that's exactly why I'm recommending the book, to make you realize how stupid and ridiculous is to be obsessed, to help you achieve a healthy life :)

It's a small book, I've read it in two afternoons.


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zen_mistress
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15 Sep 2008, 3:49 am

I dont have thought insertions, though sometimes I have fearful thoughts that I am going to lose control of myself or something, but most of my fearful thoughts are stuff like worrying I didnt turn things off, or things that might happen. I think part of it is anxiety and panic that gives free-floating thoughts.

As for the paranoia bit I think it means a part of your brain is activated in a certain way. I remember once I took a lot of hash and I had bad paranoia and thought other people were out to hurt me etc so I remember how that felt.

I find myself that I have difficulty with my visual part of my brain. It is very sensitive and if I do too much reading it gets overloaded and results in some seriously freaky symptoms. My eyes have behaved weirdly since childhood, and I dont know where to go for help with it.

I think AS people are prone to neurological overloads and glitches of varying types, anyway.


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MissPickwickian
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15 Sep 2008, 6:43 pm

OCD is defined by, among other things, its ability to affect one's mental health. If it's not affecting your mental health, it's not OCD.

Best of luck.


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SilverStar
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17 Sep 2008, 11:10 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
I dont have thought insertions, though sometimes I have fearful thoughts that I am going to lose control of myself or something, but most of my fearful thoughts are stuff like worrying I didnt turn things off, or things that might happen. I think part of it is anxiety and panic that gives free-floating thoughts.


I have this too. I worry a lot about things that "might" happen, if I did something right, what people think about me, and if I turned things off.

I definately think that Asperger's, ADHD, and other conditions causes OCD, anxiety and panic.

Look at it like this:

*You have poor short-term memory and concentration - You worry about turning out the lights.

*You have social and other difficulties. People have also laughed at and made fun of you in the past - You worry if you did something right, and what people think about you.



ChristinaCSB
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18 Sep 2008, 4:18 pm

I can relate. I have a different type of OCD. But I understand the shame and pain you are going through. Emotionally I am not sure what advice to give but physically, get plenty of exercise and keep busy. I know that's lame advice but I'm not sure how to deal with my own OCD. However exercise and keeping busy helps me but yet I need to allow myself some "OCD" type if that makes any sense.



Jenk
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21 Sep 2008, 5:08 pm

CD UK forum may be helpful.



dawndeleon
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23 Sep 2008, 3:48 pm

It sounds like that dark creeping type of depression that makes you feel like a creep. I find myself with great difficulty fighting that lately. It makes you think ugly thoughts and feels like it grabs you around your neck and shoulders like a heavy cloak. I dont know if it is ocd, but its beatable to a degree. Sam, you are right there on my page. I sing and am in a band, but i am terrified of people and how critical they are. they tear things to shreds when they can. You have to do it anyways. Fight through it. Its painful and hard not to slip. I sometimes think of myself as a cartoon, and imagine myself there often. Not crazy, not at all.