What has probably affected your life more than your father's AS, assuming he has it, is how the condition affected his life. I believe my father was AS, as well, and I saw over the years the frustrations he had in life, and from his stories I know of many of the frustrations he had as a child. It is those frustrations that marked much of how he was as a father, more than the condition itself.
At the risk of sounding exactly like an advice columnist in a newspaper, I would suggest that the only way to really work through your questions is to discuss it in counseling with a therapist. One who knows AS, and that you are comfortable with.
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Mom to an amazing young adult AS son, plus an also amazing non-AS daughter. Most likely part of the "Broader Autism Phenotype" (some traits).