is aspergers a conscious condition?

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Hey im new, and unfortunately due to my schedule an habits i havent had time to properly search and for that i apologize, but i have a question that has been eating at me.

first as a bit of background, i9 have never been diagnosed with aspergers or autism as far as i know, only depression and such, but after 30 years of a most bizarre life experience i found myself seriosuly trying to figure out what was wrong with me... short version of the story, i googled "loner" and ended at aspergers syndrome. the description and symptoms of aspergers left me as well as my mother quite shocked. it felt to me as though someone had followed me around all my life and then wrote a lil synopsis of my personlaity and habits. unfortunately im horribly unmotivated and work 6 days a week without much option of time off so i cannot readily see an actual doctor regarding any of this, and to be honest i really dont think itll make any difference, however something has been eating at me. the myriad of symptoms that describe aspergers are things i do and experience constantly, but even while whatever experience is taking place im horribly aware of how awkward i am and how these different symptoms are manifesting themselves. for quite some time i believed everyone was like that but this apparantly isnt the case. ultimately my question is -

Is it normal to be a passenger while u watch yourself fall into the routines an patterns of aspergers?

is aspergers something people become self aware of or is it something other people notice and point out? i seem to be able to fake my way thru most aspects of day to day life fairly flawlessly as far as the outside world is concerned (mind u my exposure to other humans is down to under an hour a day at this point). as a result no one ever pointed out to me any of the repitition or obsessive focus or odd behavious or stupid voices or any of the other bizarre crap that shadows me around.

i hope for all your sake its not normal an most are blissfully unaware

i wish i had time to go into more detail but there are simply not enough hours in a day. nice to meet yaz

hey welcome i personaly think its normal for yourself to found out how different you are from the nt (neurotypical means there normal humans)
i have stims and ticks but i dont do it in the outside only wen im on my own maybe you just cant see them or you lost them over time maybe your just to busy

Welcome to WP!

i know where you are now, been there couple years ago. it can be a wonderful experience to have one name for all of your differences from others.

i think other people notice, but only really good friends feel free to point it out.

Well, yes. While we're unaware of it, we're unaware of it.

I spent half a century believing that everyone else was equipped the same way I was, in the being in a human body and communicating with other humans, sort of vein. Different people trod different paths, that was all it amounted to, I thought. It was a grave shock to start learning how wrong that idea was.

But, once we know, we can study ourselves, we can try learning new tricks. It doesn't seem impossible that I can learn to make unobtrusive communication, rather than keeping silent or being obnoxious which are the extremes between which I normally oscillate. At least, on a small scale, with people who know me? I mean, even as an aspie I have the normal social responsibility to be the best aspie I can, don't I?

Hi Liquidious welcome, great question... to be honest when I discovered aspergers I felt like a fake, then realization hit its like who was I and who am I now, I totally view things differently now... and continue to have flash backs of how maybe things should of been, but to be honest happier than I have ever been, people still find me a little odd, but its there problem now

I've always been conscious that I was "different." Over the years, I made up a list in my head - sort of a checklist of things that kept me from fitting in - difficult eye contact, shut down in noisy social environments, difficulty in regulating my emotions, etc. Had no idea that there might be a single name for the exact combination of feelings I had (so in that light - unconscious - or probably just unenlightened.)

ah yes, that was wonderful to discover a single name for all the things i had, all the feelings, confusions, problems, sensory issues, stimming. i would have never said before that there might be one single explanation for all of it. i just thought that all the things are not related, that i am so strange to have so many differences from others. it even explained things i had no idea before that i had

To WrongPlanet!! !

i think that describes very well how i've felt over the last few months, & before that i'd be watching myself, & seeing what i was doing, but without knowing WHAT it was that i was doing. welcome to wp.

Welcome. I think the answer to your question is: It Depends.

Some people are aware they are different from a very young age. Some people reach old age without realizing they're "different" than the NT world. Others sort of stumble into it at various stages and ages. I suspect more people are cluing in earlier than in the past because it wasn't acknowledged in the past - and, given the change in social culture, it may not have mattered as much in the past. We used to just be the eccentrics and odd ones, now we're a diagnosis. And an ever-more popular one, at that.

Give it a few years, and we'll be just short of trendy.

It is a shock, stumbling on it later in life, isn't it? Just try to keep a perspective on it - it's an explanation for why things have been as they were. It's not a disease, not a moral or intellectual failing, not a condemnation to the gallows. Just an explanation for why things were and are. I hope the realization brings you some peace of mind.

I'm pretty much in the same boat. I had never heard of Asperger's or any form of high functioning autism until July of 08. After extensive internet reserch as well as conversations with family members who know me now and when I was growing up, we are all convinced I have this condition. However, like many people, I hate internet self diagnosis for the most part. Because there is no cure/treatment for Asperger's, is it worth my time and money to get an official diagnosis from a doctor? What would the possible benefits be? BTW, I'm a 29 year old male.

I'm increasingly of the opinion that since I've started to pay close attention to my AS tendencies, my life has changed significantly for the better. I'm able to start avoiding potential problems that would have tripped me up in the past. And I've stopped worrying about certain behaviors (eg. stimming) that don't really have any bearing on how I live my life.

Getting a professional Dx (I'm pretty sure my health insurance will cover it) would certainly add validation - but I'm not sure what else it might do for me. (As far as I know, I have no other co-morbid conditions.) So you're not alone, Bataar, in wondering about the need to be diagnosed as an adult with AS.

If you're regularly miserable in the workforce (bad evaluations, fired often, lack of promotions) or in your private life (relationships constantly fail, or you can't develop any and want to), you might get a formal diagnosis. In the USA, at least, there are provisions in the law that will allow you to request reasonable accommodations in your job if a disability is present and you can otherwise perform the job with some modifications to it. Having a formal diagnosis is critical in that process - otherwise the employer does not have to even listen to anything you have to say along the lines of how you need to be able to do your job. It has to be documented. For the personal aspects, it might give you some peace of mind. Otherwise, you already know if your life is not working. Having someone else give a reason to you on a piece of paper - will that really make anything change?

The one thing I'd say against getting a formal diagnosis and having it entered into your medical records - it becomes a "pre-existing condition" which may (or may not) make it difficult for you to find private health insurance if you ever need to buy it on the open market. They can, and do, turn down people who would cost them to much to cover. Autism and related conditions are listed in a lot of the health insurance companies' lists of "do not sell to" information (sadly). The only other thing I can think of is the cost - if you have access to a competent professional who really knows much about spectrum disorders, and s/he is not expensive, you've got a lucky find.

Best of luck. - N

Oooh - that's a good point - never even occurred to me. And your other point about the benefit of a professional Dx, in the case that AS is affecting a person's job - also good.

Very much a double-edged sword. Lots for a person to consider. (This is why I love this forum so much!! !)

thanks for the comments guys, good to note that as far as being a headcase goes im not an abnormal headcase

someone had commented on avoiding situations that would trigger abnormal behaviour or something to that effect. this is what i have tried to do however im not sure its workin in my favour so much. since i find it increasingly difficult to do much of anything at all without ending in a state of "Wtf just happened here" as of late i have zero friends, a scant few aquiantances, and a job runnin heavy equipment so i sit in a machine alone all day. this seeems to work aright (if u can call that aright) aside from other people in other machines causin me stress by doing nothing more then being there, or having to speak to them in an effort to get organised. i sincerely hope this isnt the best solution available. despite my social failings i seem to have a strong desire to be social

next question... yall have good sense of humour? sharp wit, etc. cuz that seems to be the only real area of social behaviour i have any gift for. i can clown. weeeeeeeee. even that has its drawbacks as i laugh at alot of things.. a great deal of them offensive to alot of people as it turns out, however im thinkin because laughter is such an obvious response in others that i am able to work with it and properly percieve it. come to think of it makin people mad seems to come pretty naturally to me as well, again id imagine because its easy to interpret other peoples responses.

what say you to that oh headcases of the world?

stay tuned next time when i ask

"yall find yourselves quick to percieve potential violence, or see volence as an almost instinctual enough solution to whatever might be bothering you?" an before yall get the wrong idea i been a non violent person since grade school, im 31 now. however i find that if agitated by someone i tend to think of horribly extreme retribution for rediculous things.

but thats for next time.. ill ask that later, you will have had plenty of time to prepare your comments so i expect to see nothing but amazing insight an, ummmm, stuff.... stuff like that