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Becks
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20 Sep 2008, 3:54 am

Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that? :oops: :?: :?: :?: :?:



ZakFiend
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20 Sep 2008, 4:38 am

Becks wrote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that? :oops: :?: :?: :?: :?:


Why do you want to? That is the first question, is there some unchangable horror in your life? Is it you lack something?? beauty? self-esteem? good marks?

You have to know what your issues are and then see if they are really as bad as you make them out to be, and ask yourself whether you are scared to do something about them, is your fear of others holding you back? is your discomfort and pain really distorting the truth and turning you into a something else, etc? Those are questions you should ask yourself.



Last edited by ZakFiend on 21 Sep 2008, 12:18 am, edited 1 time in total.

Quatermass
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20 Sep 2008, 5:34 am

I'm sorry, but this post belongs in the Haven.


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20 Sep 2008, 5:40 am

I don't want to be mean, but I think the ZacFiend's reply sounds a bit harsh. It's not always rational.

I know I wanted to kill myself for a while, but I did get over it (as a matter of speaking). I still very occasionally have relapses.

I don't know how old you are, but I am 20 (I guess I shouldn't be posting in this forum but when I was a kid diagnosed with AS I was completely alone (it was pretty much unheard of a few years ago) and I never really got the opportunity to discuss what I was going through, so I just this is a bit of a journey to the past, if you will). I think I was most suicidal around 15-18 years old, when I left my daydream world a bit and realized that I didn't fit in.

I think it takes time. I think it helps to build up the positive aspects of your life, and as you do that while growing older you will become more secure in who you are and feel better about yourself. I think that will probably happen whether you intentionally work towards it or not (although intentionally will make it happen faster).

Don't give up hope for the future!


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20 Sep 2008, 6:09 am

someone described suicide as
a permanent solution to a temporary problem.



donkey
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20 Sep 2008, 7:50 am

i dont want to kill myself, and i have never wanted to kill myself.
i have however thought about it.
I have however stuided causation of suicide for a masters course i am doing.

some interesting facts: Finland and Lithuania have the highest rate of suicide in teh world.
Mexico has the highest rate of homicide in the world.

the most shots anyone ever took to kill themselves was 14.

Shooting oneself with a gun is a common type of suicide.

i have also studied that nearly all people...As and non-AS do think about death and how they would kill themselves, if they were to do it. similar to what would you do if you had a million dollars?
so there is a difference between wanting to kill oneself, and thinking about it.
one can be described as abnormal and may need psychiatric intervention. the other is is a normal thought , perhaps unexpressed by most people that may not need any further consideration, or intervention.

you need to decide which one you are.

hope it works out for you.


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cloudchaser
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20 Sep 2008, 8:07 am

I went through a time like you're describing when I was younger. The Samaritans are really good to talk to at any time.

I also went to see the oldest person I knew, who was a pensioner. Pensioners are wonderful to talk to about these sorts of feelings.

One of the things I did after I was through the 'dark woods' was to look at the room where I spent my time.

I'd spent a good portion of my life by that time noticing how many living spaces were ornamental. People's houses showed all the signs of the stillness I was trying to get away from. Once I turned my home into a working space - a studio - a piece of kit - I felt I could use my home to connect with bits of education outside. A home has to rock and roll a bit otherwise you end up on the 'great sofa ride to oblivion'.

Strangely, I sometimes think that A.S. is rather like being inside out. I feel very professional at home and very personal out in the street. The battles and despair that I've endured have mostly been about communicating this.



Magique
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20 Sep 2008, 8:18 am

Becks, I'm really sorry you feel this low. If you're feeling like you really want to do it you can call a suicide hotline. You may need some professional help here. Depression is serious. Yes, I have felt suicidal enough to scare myself into going to my local mental health center. I couldn't leave my children with that kind of pain. I even felt sorry for the poor schmoo that would have to deal with the body. That was enough to stop the impulse. In the long term, I had to make some positive changes in my self image and my circumstances. I also needed to make some environmental changes. It was hard, but worth it. One of the major things I had to do, and this took a while, was reprogram my self image. It's doable. All the tapes running through my head that said "worthless", "ugly, etc had to be stopped, examined, and replaced.



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20 Sep 2008, 9:42 am

Hi there,

Please Becks, don't do it.

Why do you want to? What could be such a big problem you feel this way?

Ventilate.

Behind the clouds there's always the sun. Point your nose towards the things you like and love. Try to break the negative compulsive trait of thinking, it's like a balloon and you keep on blowing it bigger and bigger.

Please choose live and try to stop thinking about it. Be strong. In a couple of days things could appear quite different.

Try changing your perception on things. Try to look through a different set of glasses; the ones on your nose now are probably way too dark. The way you look at live is the way you see it.

Ventilate. Talk, write, make art, destroy a chair or cycle, run or walk till you're exhausted.

Best of luck to you,
C.

P.s. Good music also saved me quite a few times.


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20 Sep 2008, 5:56 pm

Becks wrote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself?


yes. actually I wanted to bring the entire world down with me in flames and annihilation; violent destruction sometimes when younger...now it's more of a passing interest in seeing "hmmm"

Quote:
i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that? :oops: :?: :?: :?: :?:


Go outside, walk around your settlement (town, city, etc), look at the sun, clouds, buildings etc. Play games, do things you like.

It also depends on what's pissing you off.


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WintersTale
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20 Sep 2008, 8:45 pm

I have in the past, but right now I would never do it. I have too much to live for.



jkm2
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20 Sep 2008, 11:34 pm

Becks wrote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it. But how did you do that? :oops: :?: :?: :?: :?:


Yeah.

Things changed. I changed.



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21 Sep 2008, 1:48 pm

I've thought about killing myself here and there. And right now i think of killing myself. I went through some really sh***y experiances because of my threats to kill myself. From my perspective, its so stigmatized in our culture(and probably most) of wanting to kill ourselfs downright to the point that if you admit it people really get after you harshly for it. It hurts a lot, they'll want to lock you up and restrict all your freedoms and simply claim your terribly mentally ill and just degrade you as a human being.

I dont really have much advice except if you dont want to end up in a mental hospital dont try it or dont say it. Truth, people hate if you admit to wanting to kill yourself.



i_Am_andaJoy
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21 Sep 2008, 3:49 pm

Becks wrote:
Do you ever want to kill yourself? Because i do and i want to know if those who want to kill themselves have got over it.


well, not sure that my answer to that will help you... but my brief bouts of suicidal ideation were just firmly replaced with homocidal ideation.

hope things get better.


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22 Sep 2008, 1:51 am

yes, and made a lousy attempt at it. I try to think of my good times i had since then and that they wouldn not happen if i was dead, bad stuff is a tempory condtion(sometimes, the pain can become less of your daily life atleast) I try projecting myself beyond the point im in.



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22 Sep 2008, 2:35 am

Yes, very much so and I almost went through with it. I went for many years without doing anything about it, and eventually I got myself onto antidepressants, which I took for 9 months. They helped immensely while I got my life back in order after which I could stop taking them. I still have a bit of melancholy every now and then but it is nothing like it used to be.