Aspie girl thinks she can only date another aspie, BUT

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I'm a newly single aspie girl (woman actually) and I think only another aspie will understand me. BUT, I've already dated two. i have high intelligence, am well-travelled, have a smokin' hot bod and a pretty face. both my aspies got bored with me and treated me like garbage. I'm starting to think all aspie guys take relationships for granted after a short while.
Don't get too riled up by this assumption--I'm happy to be proven wrong, but am i?

You can't draw such conclusions after only two relationships. I'm sure the single guys here will re-assure you that they'd never take you for granted.

wrong

I think it's probably common for AS relationships to break down due to lack of maintanence / taking for granted. Those of us with AS obsessions tend to gravitate back to them and we've built those obsessions over a longer time period than the relationship.

I also disagree with the "only an Aspie would understand me" sentiment that many people on the forum seem to have. I think this is a case where finding a partner that compliments your skills would be better. It worked for me anyway.

EDIT: typo

Many Aspies, of both genders, while they want companionship, also feel the need for solitude sometimes. Not all the time, but they need time to regenerate.

Edit: Original message due to emotional inhibitor failure. Message DELETED.

Last edited by Cyberman on 16 Oct 2008, 8:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.

The getting bored thing applies to me; but to all women, AS and NT, hell to all people!
Maybe because I'm AS, maybe because I'm a scientist. After there's no longer anything new about someone or something, I lose interest. Which is largely why I stay out of relationships.
I may be heartless, but I'm not cruel. Intentionally.

I really don't think men, aspie or NT, will be bothered by your social awkwardness if you have a smokin hot bod..

I don't know about anybody else, but I find that I'm just the opposite. I can be too needy sometimes, though I have a hard time expressing it. It would be typical of aspies to become distracted by our hobbies, but I don't think that's the same as losing interest. I at least have tried to put relationships (okay, relationship) before my other interests because I know both partners have a need to connect. Both also need time apart, but if you're not with someone you're willing to make time for, it's probably the wrong person for you.

And I may be cruel, but I'm not heartless. When I care.

Last edited by WurdBendur on 16 Oct 2008, 5:06 pm, edited 1 time in total.

pix or it didn't happen XD

Taking anything for granted including a relationship is a flaw of human nature in general. Autism is hardly relevant.

i never get bored of my NT women. i havent met another aspie. hopefully if i do, she'll be pretty, smart, and down to earth like me.

I can understand you thinking that only an autistic guy can understand you, we all look to align ourselves with people that best suit our interests and beliefs/ideas. Our case is not a belief, it is an actual condition. However, I think there is something wrong with your analysis. You think slightly autistic guys will be more understanding. Let me state this, males, with some rare exceptions, are not nearly as emotion and understanding as females are. This applies to even autistic guys as well. Don't forget that the word "autism" was created by a Swiss psychologist (Bueller was his name) who made up the fictitious Latin word "autimus", meaning "a self morbid admiration for one's self to the point of resorting to one's personal fantasies/ideas".

Though autistic guys and you share the common characteristic of being autistic, we are almost exactly like neurotypical guys, albeit more shy and reserved. You mind find autistic guys because you and the guy have that in common, but a guy is still just a guy, because he is autistic doesn't mean he will be charasmatic and understanding towards you. Women view love as the amount of time a guy spends with a girl, and the affection and care he shows for her. Men, obviously, view love in the sense of foreplay and sexual intercourse, it undeniably what know and consider "love" because it is fufilling our "love" needs. Autistic or not, this is true of all men.

You are limiting yourself by only looking for autistic guys, go for ANY guy you deem nice and therefore worthy of dating, limiting yourself will only lead to your eventual dissapointment when you can't find any suitable matches. And if you do have a, how did you state it, a "smokin' hot body and a pretty face", you should do very well for yourself, since guys by nature are attracted to physical beauty. Good luck!

So you're basically declaring that instead of being a man, I'm a transgendered woman? It doesn't make any sense to me... I don't view love as "how much one can get laid"... I see it much as the way you describe women's definitions of love...

AutisticMalcontent, part of what you just said is utter and complete nonsense. It's nonsense for any male. Yes, there are some that indeed do think about love as sex only, and I'm almost willing to bet that is what you see when you look in the mirror each morning.

I do agree with the last bit, that she should not limit herself in any way.

Read Dr. Atwood's The Complete Guide to Asperger's Syndrome. It has a chapter on relationships. Both of your explanations resemble the kind of immature understanding of love presented in that book. Love is not just spending time with someone (we do that with friends), and it's not just sex. Men know that too. Showing affection is a little closer to the point, but I can flirt with anybody. Even you. And I would probably hate you in real life.

Aspies are typically delayed in social development and have a corresponding immature view love as a desire to do helpful things or otherwise show affection or interest. For NT's this is roughly a junior high level or so, but a more mature view of love is as a bond based on trust and understanding.

It's a cultural expectation that men are more sexual, but this can be attributed to our historically greater freedom to express ourselves sexually, while women have been (and still are) forced to repress or hide these feelings. Likewise, men are pressured to be less emotional at the risk of appearing effeminate. We all have these things in us. To the Greeks, women were the ones with insatiable sexual appetites. This, in part, is why it was so remarkable that the women of Lysistrata brought about the end of the Peloponnesian War by withholding sex from their husbands and why it was initially so difficult for them to commit to it.

My point is, that difference is mostly one of perception, altered by limited allowance for expression. Also, everyone is attracted to physical beauty, not just men.