Physical Appearence and Asperger's

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I am a person with Asperger's! Tonight when I talked to my mother about health related issues, she implied that I was obsese and ugly. I got constantly harassed by well meaning people and professionals about my body and my weight. What is your response to this? How should I handle such situations in the future? How do I not own such a toxic narrative? This triggered in me feeling depressed this evening. How to I resist? How do I not let this negatively impact my self-esteem or sense of self? Thanks very much!

B***h slap them! I don't think it has anything to do with asperger's syndrome, if you're asking this. If you're worried about you're health, consult a doctor- of course. I have the best ability in the world; to not care what anybody says about me. But that can come back and bite you in the butt sometimes. People will do things like that. You just have to pretend like they never said it and go on with your life, or try to fix the problem that they don't like...but why do that? If you are happy, that's all that matters, right? That's all I have to say.

Last edited by SeizeTheDay on 26 Nov 2008, 10:18 pm, edited 2 times in total.

hello

first of all i am sending you a virtual non contact hug, it seems that you need someone to be nice to you, ugliness is something from within and has nothing to do with looks imo, not everybody looks the same, anyone who calls you ugly is not being fair, if they are telling you about your weight purely as an appearance issue then this is not fair, if there are health issues then maybe they are just worried about you, as long as you can be happy with who you are and you are reasonably healthy then do not worry about superficialities not everyone looks like a supermodel, i do not but then again i would not want to,

I say the same as first response. Stupid mean f*****s, right. Now, if you also feel you not fully expressed on the outside, as you feel on the inside, then you can do a few things. Like no sugar, or sugar related items. No high fructose, no aspartame. Cause normal a little over weight is workable without a doctor. If it is something more. Good luck. If they are just mean and you feel awesome, then you are awesome. Hugs

apsergers people are usually skinny and beautiful! so just tell her to stop being so picky with her language

Well first, what is wrong with your mom, how can she say that to you?! Secondly, there is a movement called the size acceptance movement, you may want to look into that. You'll find out that what doctors call obese, is a medicalization of a invented pathology, to sell diet drugs and market diet companies. That the BMI is a faulty method of determining health, seeing as when they arbitrarily changed it down a few points one night, thousands of people who were once normal weight became obese overnight.

There's also help for learning how to advocate on your own behalf, in our ever increasingly size prejudiced world. The people of size acceptance believe that people come in all shapes and sizes, that has always been a part of the natural diversity of the human race. The majority of reasoning behind size prejudice, is making money. If it was about health, doctors would tell people not to go on diets, and to eat intuitively and exercise without weight loss as a goal. However, that wouldn't fill their pocketbook.

Thank-you all who came to my support and aid. This helped me tremendious get out of my depression-and gave me ammunition. I am very grateful!! !

If one of you has not posted a reply it is not too late!! ! This message is not closing the discussion.

Happy thanksgiving to you all!!

If your weight causes you discomfort- exhaustion from simply walking up a few flight of stairs, heart and joint problems, etc then maybe you should consult a doctor about losing weight, although never use any diet pills and stuff like that, it's poison!
Anyway, how a mother can say her child is ugly is beyond me, really. I've actually noticed the opposite- many, if not most people who are a bit overweight have beautiful facial features.

As a former 300 pounder I can say losing weight is a good thing. But you have to do it for yourself and because you want to. What other people think and say is irrelevent.

Good news, I was able to work it out with my mother, for the time being, and we got along pretty well, this thanksgiving. She was even able to hug me, and tell me how much she loves. Thanks again for all the support, all you gave me.

One more question, her only excuse when I confronted her about it, was that I asked her a question and she wanted to answer "truthfully"? How do you counter this?

Thanks very much!

> her only excuse when I confronted her about it, was that I asked her a question and she wanted to answer "truthfully"?

Hmm sounds like you asked the wrong question. "Do I look fat in this?" for example, tends toward a "Yes" answer. However, "Can you tell me what my best features are? I need some compliments" will get a different response. (Hopefully not mocking laughter, but if so then you know she is really an unsupportive person who is not your friend.)

I was going to write that when people offer such comments unasked for, I would point out that I didn't ask for their opinion and they can keep it to themselves next time, but since you asked for her opinion, seemingly, you can't really complain. (Even though normies would mostly say the answer should be a nice one. Some people are painfully blunt in response -- usually aspies!)

It really was more complicated than that-it involved us discussing an incorrect reason my father told to a potential nutritionist, that was the trigger.

Anyways, she said still another comment about my weight today, when I asked did one of my sister's friends like me, who is my age, her response, "She found you really smart. But if you shave your beard and loose weight, she would find you physically attractive." This really hurt too.

First of all, when neorotypicals see value in me, it almost always revolves around intellegence. "He is very smart." Very seldom do people say "you are a terrific human being" or say that "you are handsome." It almost seems like my whole value as a human being rests of being smart. Which I am not totally convinced of.

Thanks very much for your reply!

Just throwing it out there, but a few thousand years ago, overweight people were considered the most attractive in every way because they were the only people who were well fed and thus the most desirable.

That being said, being overweight is not good for a long life, and unless you are comfortable with is, I don't think its an advisable physical state. Cosmetic details aside as they are irrelevant, it is not healthy (neither is being to skinny) and you obviously have some issue with it if it affects you this way, so the I would suggest you work on it instead of brooding on it. 'Harassed by well meaning professionals, etc' can obviously be an issue but as a person with AS you have to use whatever you have to try and live a normal life, and throwing in having a weight/appearance issue just makes it that much harder for you.

My mother did apologize and said she did not think through it, and just got frustrated. I feel much better, now.

Thank-you all for your feedback!! !

Heh, that sounds like my mom sometimes. She gets upset over something that has nothing to do with me, but since I happen to be there, she takes it out on me sometimes. I've just learned that it's not about me, and not to take it personally. I think next time something like this happens, instead of asking "What's wrong with me?" you should say, "What situation could really be bothering my mom to make her so irritable."

First of all: These well-meaning people have to leave you alone. How dare they harass anyone with his/her weight? I don't want to sound harsh on you, but I guess you know yourself already that you are overweight. How dare they then constantly make you insecure?

Second: Your mother has done something really wrong, if you ask me. Parents are supposed to make their child feel comfortable, and give them a good self-esteem. What she did was ugly and mean.

I knew an obese girl, and people always were nasty to her. However, she learned to live with it. She stopped caring what these mean and unworthy people found of her, and started to look at what she was good at. I guess it's really hard, but I think you have to change your attitude towards these people, yourself and your weight. Stop thiking negative things about yourself, and focus on what you're good at. That's all I can say. I know it's hard.

-Imaginary hug through the computer-