The Argument From Inevitability

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frankcritic
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28 Nov 2008, 1:32 am

Having come completely to terms with the idea that I will never again participate in love and dating, it surprises me the NTs I know, mostly female friends and family members, who insist I am wrong. Someday I will find someone. They say this with the blissful certainty one might state reliable laws of physics, such as, "What goes up must come down." No matter how little I want it, no matter how oppressive I find it, and no matter how deeply dysfunctional I am, the fact is, they claim, that I will meet someone who will completely bowl me over and cause me to happily toss all logic out the window. What I'm curious about is if this is an NT thing, a women thing, or just a people I know thing. Oh, I can imagine their rationale. Maybe that's the kind of thing that they say to guys like me to be nice, or at least what they perceive as nice. Perhaps they are merely being irrationally optimisic for the same reasons people usually show wishful thinking. Whatever their motives, I cannot see any rationale for it. It is quite possible, especially if you make an active decision to do so, to avoid all opportunities. You'll meet someone they say? How? Why? I have two friends where I live and they are married women. I have no workplace now, and even if I did I will not date coworkers. Even if I did meet someone, they'd see a bitter cynic who's constantly being negative and paying them scant attention. Despite my naysayers, I have within me to power to retain my independence and remain free from the tortorous nature of relationships.

-Frank



MikeH106
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28 Nov 2008, 10:04 am

I really don't see how they can say that after all the people who have never married, and all the people in the world who are sick and dying. I hope they're not just trying to baby us with white lies.



saintetienne
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28 Nov 2008, 10:14 am

if it's worth anything, i felt the same and then met someone aged 31



anna-banana
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28 Nov 2008, 11:23 am

all the people I know keep saying that. "eventually you'll find someone"- as if I was looking! :roll:

even worse when I tell people I don't plan to have children. they *all* say something like "you will change your mind when you're ready for it". how does that piss me off!! I have made that decision long ago, weighted a lot of pros and cons and decided not to ever procreate, and they dare make such stupid, totally unjustified statements! I really don't get it...

I think it's a herd mentality thing- they are scared of anyone who's in any way different, who doesn't follow the flock.

or maybe deep down they know that I am *right* and just don't want to admit it...


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28 Nov 2008, 12:44 pm

Urgh. I am in no mood to reply to this thread, but I'm going to anyway.

These people are TRYING TO BE NICE.

There isn't some global NT conspiracy to make all of us feel like assholes, you know. When they say that they think you'll meet someone one day, they're trying to be nice, to be encouraging, becuase most people DO want to eventually and some people find it comforting, believe it or not.

God forbid they try to be nice to us, seeing as every f****r on this forum seems to be convinced that they all hate us and yet spend much of their time kicking out at NTs in a way which is just as prejudiced as what we claim is going on against us.



MorostheZeroHeart
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28 Nov 2008, 1:09 pm

Quote:
Having come completely to terms with the idea that I will never again participate in love and dating,


I was never "in" to begin with, most of my girlfriends were either there out of pity or they "couldn't do any better".

Quote:
it surprises me the NTs I know, mostly female friends and family members, who insist I am wrong.


The burden of proof lies upon them, of course they'll probably try push the burden of proof onto you because they can't understand the fact that you're the judge, not the lawyer.

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Someday I will find someone. They say this with the blissful certainty one might state reliable laws of physics, such as,


Humans are illogical creatures, tell them about the thousands of people who DIE ALONE!

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and no matter how deeply dysfunctional I am,


You're all likelyhood no more dysfunctional than the NT's you marvel over, I've studied the human phenomenom all my life and I can say that "Normality is a lie".

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that I will meet someone who will completely bowl me over and cause me to happily toss all logic out the window.


You may, you may not, one thing is certain though, you have a better chance than me, most people do have a better chance than myself.

Quote:
Maybe that's the kind of thing that they say to guys like me to be nice,


I couldn't say, I can't determine whether they are truly imbeciles who believe this garbage or they're dishonest charlatans trying to be "tactful".

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Whatever their motives, I cannot see any rationale for it.


Humans are illogical insane creatures, as I said, it doesn't matter whether one is autistic or not, humans are strange entities.

Quote:
These people are TRYING TO BE NICE.


Doesn't matter, they're lying, which lowers their standing in my eyes, giving false hope is sick thing to do.

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There isn't some global NT conspiracy to make all of us feel like assholes,


Of course not.

Quote:
When they say that they think you'll meet someone one day, they're trying to be nice, to be encouraging, becuase most people DO want to eventually and some people find it comforting, believe it or not


Back to reality, DYING ALONE! Sorry but people don't need feel good lies, it's not encouraging to be told something and then it never happens, it's a spirit crusher.

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God forbid they try to be nice to us,


If you like lies then good on you, I personally hate lies.

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eeing as every f**** on this forum seems to be convinced that they all hate us


It doesn't matter whether it's personal maliciousness or not, it's malicious.

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and yet spend much of their time kicking out at NTs in a way which is just as prejudiced as what we claim is going on against us.


I'm sorry but I need real solutions, not snake oil.



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28 Nov 2008, 1:20 pm

I keep getting told that I'll eventually find someone. This may be making things worse, giving me false hope when I should be coming to terms with reality.



Rack
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28 Nov 2008, 2:49 pm

It's just to make themselves feel better, a strange quirk of empathy in that they haven't been prepped for this kind of experience they don't want to think about others going through it, so they use denial.



frankcritic
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28 Nov 2008, 5:27 pm

There is a mercy in the truth that can never be found in the lie, no matter how silvered the tounge that delivers it, no matter how weighted down with false hope it may be, no matter how nice the person that delivers it. A lie inescapably refuses to deal with the reality of a situation and in this lies its evil.

-Frank



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29 Nov 2008, 8:50 pm

^ Aye, aye, mate. Aye, aye.

Truth > Lies
No exceptions.

Although sometimes the proper course of action is to not say anything at all :D



JohnHopkins
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30 Nov 2008, 8:05 am

Legato wrote:
Truth > Lies
No exceptions.


I disagree.

And the fact of the matter is that is not how the world works.

You guys can either complain about it, or you can get used to it. People lie.

And if you would just change your perspective a little bit - that these people aren't being assholes, they're trying to be NICE to you, despite what you are actuallylooking for - it might make it a bit easier.



KenM
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30 Nov 2008, 8:39 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
Legato wrote:
Truth > Lies
No exceptions.


I disagree.

And the fact of the matter is that is not how the world works.

You guys can either complain about it, or you can get used to it. People lie.

And if you would just change your perspective a little bit - that these people aren't being assholes, they're trying to be NICE to you, despite what you are actuallylooking for - it might make it a bit easier.


OK, what if you were feeling down and your mom or dad said "lets go to the mal, I'll buy you something." Then when you get there they said 'Well I'm not going to get you anything. I just said what I said to make you feel better and be NICE to you."

Thats not being an as*hole, is it? Thats not lieing? Its all good and acceptiable for people to mislead people? Saying they want to be friends when they really mean they want nothing to do with you. But they can't tell you the truth because they think its ok to mislead and lie.

Its like there is this secret code that everyone but people with AS knows what they mean when they say it. NTs don't want to let NTs in on "the code" so they can screw with us.



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30 Nov 2008, 8:40 am

When it comes to the subject of other people's ability to have relationships, one should either say what they honestly think or just shut up. Yes, "white lies" are necessary in some cases, but I think they do more harm than good when it comes to the subject of relationships. You may have meant that person well, but it doesn't matter. By giving them false hope, you make them more likely to suffer disappointment when those unrealistic expectations aren't met. Those who hope for little are the most content.



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30 Nov 2008, 9:28 am

You may well be right Cyberman, although I'm failing to see how exactly frank has got any false hope out of this, but again, that's just how it is, and it's not about to change.

And Ken, as usual, you are using an outlandish, extreme example to push your own agenda, although I'm pleased to see that this time you're only anti-NT rather than anti-women for once.



alex
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30 Nov 2008, 9:40 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
Urgh. I am in no mood to reply to this thread, but I'm going to anyway.

These people are TRYING TO BE NICE.

There isn't some global NT conspiracy to make all of us feel like assholes, you know. When they say that they think you'll meet someone one day, they're trying to be nice, to be encouraging, becuase most people DO want to eventually and some people find it comforting, believe it or not.

God forbid they try to be nice to us, seeing as every f**** on this forum seems to be convinced that they all hate us and yet spend much of their time kicking out at NTs in a way which is just as prejudiced as what we claim is going on against us.


John's right about this



KenM
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30 Nov 2008, 9:42 am

JohnHopkins wrote:
And Ken, as usual, you are using an outlandish, extreme example to push your own agenda, although I'm pleased to see that this time you're only anti-NT rather than anti-women for once.



Think what you want about me. Like I said before, I challenge anyone on here to go through what I've been through and not feel the same way.

JH, you may think its ok for people to keep misleading you and lie to you and not be truthful to you. But I have too much respect for myself for someone to keep Bull$hitting me. There is no goot reason to lie to someone at all. If you lie to someone it shows zero respect to them.