Mom of 19 year old Aspie new to WrongPlanet

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Hi, I am an elementary teacher who has an Aspie son and who has taught ASD students in "regular" classes through the years. I'm interested in better understanding adult Aspies since my experience mainly has been with children and teens. My son is a reader and writer and loves to reenact favorite book and movie scenes and create games from them. He graduated from high school in June 2008, but his care team and he have not found competitive employment to be appropriate for him at this time.

My favorite story that illustrates his "Aspie-ism" (is that even a word?) follows:
When Matt was five we enrolled him in an art camp to help with his fine motor skills and because he liked art--his grandmother and great-grandmother were both artists.

At the end of the first week I waited with the other parents (mostly moms) as the children filed out the door with their wooden sculpture made from scraps of wood, glue, and paint. The kids eagerly showed off their work making comments such as "see, it's a kitty" or "look at my giraffe." It was easy to tell what they'd made since the colors were predictable and the shapes familiar.

When Matt came out, he held a sculpture of unknown origin. It was painted with dark mottled colors and had some type of black pictures that looked like blurred hieroglyphics scratched on parts of it. The other mothers looked at his work and cast their eyes down with pity.

A knife pierced my aching heart for a second, hurting for my child, and, truth be known, for myself, too. Then he proudly said, "Look, Mom! It's an Egyptian temple and it even has a removable sarcaphagus, see?" as he removed a little wooden rectangular prism from it. "And see, it has [birds] --(he told me what kind)--guarding the body!"

The other moms then looked a little surprised, even a bit jealous, and sped off to their cars with their predictable tykes (I mean nothing against those children!! !) as I held my head proudly upright and asked him what in the world a sarcaphagus was!

Matt has taught me a lot in the last 19 years and being his mom has made me a much better teacher and person. It has been very lonely at times and very hard, but I rejoice when I see how much he has learned. There are so many issues that I, as a parent, have never had to worry with because he has Asperger's, that parents of NT's struggle with every day. There is joy and challenge in raising any child, NT or not, I think.

My biggest fear for Matt is that as his dad and I grow older that he will not have others around to support him like his dad and I do. He has no siblings (though that would not guarantee support) and his other relatives are all pretty much the same age as his dad and I. He is not self-sufficient at this point (he has AS-related and unrelated medical issues) and may not get there. I've spent so much time trying to help him reach his goal of a diploma from high school, I haven't spent enough time looking for support for adults. That's what I'm beginning to do now.

I've enjoyed reading posts and look forward to learning more from all of you here. I'm hoping that Matt will eventually want to join; however, if he doesn't, that's okay, too.

Pleased to have found you all and to be here.

Welcome aboard, Moa! Predictable, conformist behavior is a hallmark of NT kids.

Now, please have a seat, and someone else will be with your shortly.

Thank you, Fnord! Yes, nothing predictable at our house!

I chose my avitar based on a children's book I use in the classroom entitled "Tacky the Penguin." Tacky marches to his own beat and is ridiculed at first. When his offbeat nature staves off hunters, though, his penguins peers realize that their group needs all kinds of personalities to survive.

A similar book, "Big Al" is about a large fish who tries to fit in by changing to fit with other types of fish (changing his color, etc.) but saves everyone by being himself, thereby causing jubulation and celebration.

I remember in third grade, we were assigned to construct a mobile out of common household items. Nearly everybody else used pencils, small toys, and tacky jewelry. Mine was constructed of chicken bones, painted black, and strung with black thread on black sticks and twigs.

I wasn't being morbid or trying to make a statement (I was only 8 years old). It's just that we had had a big chicken dinner that weekend, and mom didn't want me cutting up any hangers. Also, I had only a spool of black thread and some Rustoleum 412 to work with.

But the teacher called the principal, who called the superintendent, who called the psychologist, who called my parents...

I ended up getting a big box of Crayolas and a water-color paint set for Christmas that year.


My avatar is off the cover of Blue Öyster Cult's "Fire Of Unknown Origin" album.

Last edited by Fnord on 30 Nov 2008, 3:03 pm, edited 2 times in total.

Nice to meet you, MOA.

Welcome to Wrong Planet MOA!

Magliabechi.

Ah, yes! Creativity abounds in the young child whose resources are limited at the time. When Matt did something he shouldn't one doctor suggested he not be allowed to play with his toys for an hour or so...Didn't bother him. He would play with a stick he had smuggled in under the bed or read a book (he read short chapter books at around 3). Corrective discipling that worked was to limit or ban books and DVD's for a period of time.

By the way, I think your mobile was quite fantastic! Recycling at its best! I've always required all of my students to make projects solely out of found objects to put them a bit more on a level playing field and to encourage creativity. They all bring objects to school and choose from what we have to create the projects at school. One little child made a solar system out of old CD's that his folks got in the mail as advertisements. It was the coolest project. Another constructed hers out of styrofoam balls she carved out of a large piece of packing stryofoam from a newly purchased product. (My son's grandma, the artist, used styrofoam packaging from old boxes to create jewelry for a play of Henry the VIII at a local college where she designed sets, etc.)

Matt's favorite colors have always been black, silver, and grey. It used to worry me, but not anymore. As far as clothes, shoes, backpacks, his only criteria was that the tags be cut out, they be comfortable, and they be in a color he liked. He didn't care about designer clothes (none of the family does) and for that our pocketbook was happy.

Matt, like me, has always been a champion of the "underdog." In kindergarten he had a fascination with vultures. Like your educators, his were all worried about this fascination. Finally, he'd had enough and told us all that we "should be grateful for the vultures because they are the vacuum cleaners of the world and without them we would all die of disease."

It's unfortunate that creative minds are stiffled and are immediately thought of as future "troublemakers" or "lunatics" in many settings.

Last edited by MOA on 30 Nov 2008, 10:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Oops, I'm sorry I didn't quite get the quote option correct in the post above.

Thank you! It's so refreshing to find other Aspies who are willing to share their experiences with Aspie families. I feel as though I'm at a family reunion with family I haven't met yet.

Last edited by MOA on 30 Nov 2008, 10:27 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thank you very much! I'm enjoying making new aquaintances.

Interesting avitar. It reminds me of the artist Titian. Would you mind sharing its origin?

Last edited by MOA on 30 Nov 2008, 10:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Welcome fellow North Carolinian to WP!:D

Wrong Planet greetings and Hellos, MOA. All the WP best to you, Matt, and your husband.

Hello, I hope that you get the answers you seek, and that you're son finds his way onto these forums as well. In the mean time, welcome!

Certainly. It's by a member of the Pre-Raphaelites Sir Edward Burne Jones.
It's a detail, you can see the full painting on my ( currently quiescent ) blog here ( LINK )

Magliabechi.

I went to your blog to view it. It's really quite beautiful. Thanks for sharing it.

Last edited by MOA on 30 Nov 2008, 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Thanks a bunch! It's a small "planet," huh? We're not too far from Raleigh. I'm finding some fairly good resources in the county so far, but I like the online approach for "talking." In fact, I just got my second master's degree and did the whole thing online so I could be at home with my son more. It was sooo convenient and a quality program, too.

Last edited by MOA on 30 Nov 2008, 10:31 pm, edited 1 time in total.