late dx- did you think you were sexually abused?

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i am late dx, and was told i had a pd previously.

i thought for some time that i may have been sexually abused in chlidhood, and my gp agreed, though i have not seen a psychologist for ages, so have never told one.

some of my reactions and preferences seemed so abnormal, that this seemed to be the only explanation.
i thought i had all the traits- hate being touched, problem with relationships, weird attitudes to sex (its functional, rather than loving), hate being around other people, perfer my own company, cant share a bed with someone etc etc. (obviously its not a conclusion i came to over night- i thought about it for several years before saying anything,a nd im missing out a lot).
a hatred, almost fear of being touched, was the worst thing, and was always being commented on, especially by my mother who was always upset i hated being hugged (fair enough- it must be terrible to love your daughter and not be able to hug her).

chlid sex abuse is also somewhat common amoungst pds. and obviously, if its in early chlidhood, one does not remember it, is just left with residual 'odd' reactions- touch, attitudes etc.

i have to say i dont really think this any more, as aspergers explains all this- hate being around other people, hate being touched, weird attitude to sex etc- all common in aspies.

but has anyone else had these thoughts?

obviously its not a nice thing to have thought, and is another cause for anger against the dr's who never diagnosed me with aspergers, and the gp who said that ' hatred of light touch is abnormal, a symptom of child sex abuse'.
and its pretty miserable either way- spending 10 years thinking that had happened, having noone to speak to about it, wonder who it had been, now thinkig it was a chimera. . . now i have the gulit of thinking this. . .

anyone else?
;-(

"GP" is General Practitioner, but what is "PD"?

I don't like being touched by anyone other than my wife, but I was never sexually abused.

Actually yes. Before I found out about AS I thought there might be a possiblity that I was abused as I exhibit many similar mental patterns as an abused child.

I never remembered anything of the sort but there was some kind of scandal when my older sister was very young that my dad had abused her but charges were never pressed and he passed a lie detector ... so the possibility was there. I don't think its true, though.

i think its the same as an md- General Practioner. one's own doctor.
it wasnt just the touch thing- it was everything else.

i dont think i have explained myself very well.. . . it was something that psychologists etc would always ask me about, and be surprised when i said no to.
it jsut seemed to make sense of my life- that taht was hte reason i had such a mass of problems- eye contact, touch, relationships, being alone- oh, everything.

i thought it might be somethig other people had wondered baout.

hi mitharatowen- thanks!

i also had a vague suspiciosn of something, but its more that i seemed to 'behave' so oddly.
see through the prism of 'this woman was abused in infancy' everything made sense; just like you say.

PD's probably post-traumatic disorder.

For a few years, sexual abuse is an idea I kicked around to explain my atypical aversion to people, among other hypotheses. I never had anyone suggest it to me, and so never considered it a concrete fact, but I think I somewhat get why you might consider it before having AS/HFA to consider as another explanation.

no. sorry- forgot to answer taht bit. personality disorder- its commonly mis diagnosed for a/s.

ave- CMaximus. thanks- im surprised its not more commonly mentioned.

after all, if you're weird, hate touch so much it makes you sick, and like to be alone- its surely not a huge to leap to wonder why, and whether sex abuse is the reason. before i heard of a/s, i never heard about anything else being related to touch propblems other than sex abuse.

thanks for understanding what i'm driving at- i dont think im particually concise today.

Nope never was.

A few counsillors I've had have tried to imply that I might have been, at least I'm assuming that's what they we're getting at, from what I caan remember they asked a lot of weird questions about him (I can't remember what they were now, I just remember thinking at the time "huh I wonder if they think he sexually abused me")

I know I mentioned that he didn't respect my personal space, (Okay no one else seems too either, I just brought it up bcause I have to repeatively tell him that he's in it like he'll rest his hand on my seat in the car while at the lights or something) and I may have mentioned that I didn't like having to kiss him and hug him (my mum never hugs me so it's not a big deal, if she did I 'd mention the same thing, it's just unfortunate that it's only my dad who used to do it-he doesn't now he's come to accept that just because I don't hug/kiss/tell him I love him doesn't mean I don't care)

The thing is, from an outsdider view I could see how it could be interpreted, several time when my dads gone to touch me I've literally jumped out of the way and he himself haas got angry and said not to do it, that people will think that he's abuseing me (this was when I was a child). The thing is if they'd seen me inside my house they would have seen me do the same with my mum (rarer since my mum doesn't really touch me, I beelieve she has a form of AS too, but when I was younger and upset she'd feel she had to try her and I would react like a cornered animal, I didn't want her touching me).

Unfortunately not stacked in my dads favour was the incident that happened what I was a toddler, I developed a rash on my privates it turned out to be a genuine medical condition, I forget what. But at the time my mum and GP were freaking out, asking me if my dad had ever touched me down there. Now if I didn't remember the incident I might be worried, but I do,I remeber finding it funny and asking them why my dad would touch down there (a point I like to jokingly bring up that it proves how much he must have changed my nappy if I the idea of him touching me down there was so funny and confusing!).

It's lucky it turned out well, I would hate to think he might have been locked up for something he didn't do. It's awful to think how many may have been due to AS/Autism going undetected. But at the same time given it does happen, I understand why it has to be checked.

What I fear, is the opposite happening for some poor child-or adult with AS/Autism, a parent/family member/friend of the family, sexually abusing a know diagnosed child/adult, then claiming that the symptoms of that can be attributed to their AS/Autism.

thanks BastetsEye.
i too had phsyhologists ask odd questions which sounded like they thought somethng had happned.
that's what i mean- a/s can really seem like that, if youve never heard about a/s.
i also had more of a problem with my dad than my mum- id leave the room if he came into watch tv( i could hear his breathing which drove me INSANE)or go riged with annoyance and hatred if he touched me,and glare and fume...

Same here, I wonder if it's the gender difference. especially around the teen period.

About the breathing, I have a theory, based on something I read (I can't remember what unfortunately,) it was something about how during menstration females hearing was more sensative. I wondered if there was something about the males tone that caused an irritation in the ear, but not on a conscious level, that manifested in more of a reaction toward males. Now if those with AS are hypersensitive, and my theorys corrected it possible that it may manifest at times outside the menstration period, perhaps at times of stress.

ha! no, im just a cow all the time anyway. gosh, my poor dad...
i also have really bad problems with 'noise'- to the point ive bashed my head against a wall to try to lessen the pain from hearing loud noise- SO autistic, when you think about it.

re- men and breathing (poor dears) its because men have lower voices, so one can feel it more than higher voices- literally like a bassline.
im definatly more bugged by lower, more bassey noises like mens' voices, rather than high womens' voices, yappy dogs etc.
but i do get sensory overload much more when im stressed, so perhaps there is some truth in the pmt thing- my sense of smell really kicks in sometimes. thankfully not often, as my area smells of rubbish and pee!

Along the same lines it may have something to do with Genetic memory, women in Ancient times removing them self from all contact from men during the menstration, men leaving during times of war. We're still not used to the contact, after all everything is alot more unisex then it was in times past. Father's had little contact with their children (mothers too if the could afford help.)

Of course the only flaw in that, is I can tolerate men more than I can tolerate women. But then in the age of sexual harassment, men tent to be a bit more aware of personal space.

No, but people are always asking me if I was raped, or molested as a child. It's just my response to touch, especially unexpected touch, and my tendency to flinch from any raised hand. No, I wasn't beaten either.

I'm still trying to figure out what my problem is.

No, never ever!

My long term memory is exceptional.

Is that the standard medico response if you are sexually immature, have misguided perceptions of intimacy and not a cuddly teddy bear. I'm only now truly at ease around women and venturing out of my comfort zone in relation to healthy sex.

A female aspie friend of mine sensed my extreme stress and false perceptions of women. She encouraged me to join a Healthy sex support group within a website support forum. Pleased with the positive influence on my personality.

I would say I have an Avoidant personality type disorder to some degree and it has negatively impacted on my well being.

Several years ago when repressed memory therapy was a standard practice a therapist not only suspected that I had been abused, but convinced me, and everyone else that I had. In my early teens it wasn't too hard to convince me of anything, especially considering how very depressed that I was. To make a long, painful, embarrassing story short, a person can be scarred for life by seeing a bad therapist. It wasn't until my sons were diagnosed a couple of years ago that I started to put the pieces together that I most likely have AS.