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Greentea
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06 Dec 2008, 1:45 pm

You're sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's. Your 1 year old baby is in its stroller, you're holding a paper with the results of your last physical exam. The baby tries to grab the paper, you distance it from him, he tries to reach it and cries and screams that he wants the paper. He's disturbing the silence in the room.

What do you do?


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06 Dec 2008, 1:48 pm

Ignore it. If I leave the room, I won't be able to hear my name being called. I have enough TOM to know a nurse isn't going to know I am standing out in the hall or outside with my crying baby.



zghost
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06 Dec 2008, 2:05 pm

Well I don't have kids......
Try the substitution thing, hand him something else and hope it distracts him. Works with puppies anyway. If that doesn't work, leave the room so everybody else isn't upset by it. After explaining to the nurse or whoever, of course.



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06 Dec 2008, 2:10 pm

He is a year old... Would reason with him and swing the pram or sing. Failing that screw up the paper and throw it out of sight... LOOK GONE!



Last edited by Jenk on 06 Dec 2008, 5:01 pm, edited 3 times in total.

Greentea
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06 Dec 2008, 2:46 pm

zghost wrote:
hand him something else and hope it distracts him


Right answer ! !!

That's how I define Theory of Mind. It's knowing what people are like, how they will react in general. It goes against logic, against my logic at least. Because I think literally. I think: "The baby wants this paper" and I try to find a way to give/not give THIS paper to him. I don't grasp the very underlying logic that the baby's looking for anything that will distract him in fact, and that a totally unrelated thing will be a solution too.

Translated to the work place: I kept working my ass off and my boss kept yelling at me that I wasn't working hard enough. So I worked longer and longer hours and harder and harder, and the boss kept yelling that I do nothing all day and work half days (I was working 11 hours a day average). My lack of Theory of Mind doesn't let me see what the boss really wants from me. It's obvious that he knows I'm not lazy, he's trying to say something else that I'm not getting.


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OccamsIndecision
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06 Dec 2008, 3:11 pm

Greentea wrote:
You're sitting in the waiting room at the doctor's. Your 1 year old baby is in its stroller, you're holding a paper with the results of your last physical exam. The baby tries to grab the paper, you distance it from him, he tries to reach it and cries and screams that he wants the paper. He's disturbing the silence in the room.

What do you do?


with my niece I give a nice 'NO'. If she doesnt stop I repeat it. If she still doesnt relax, I divert her attention. She's 18 Months old, so maybe the age helps.



pakled
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06 Dec 2008, 3:15 pm

anyone with a child will probably be annoyed slightly...but then they'll certainly understand...;) I wouldn't worry about it.



violet_yoshi
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06 Dec 2008, 3:22 pm

I'd look for the mother, and ask her why she isn't watching her baby. Then explain their baby could have gotten a papercut, and surely if it did, like most mothers it would be my fault since parents never do anything wrong. Well that's what I'd want to say anyways. I'd just try to move as far away from the brat as I could. I'm tired of this concept that when parents go out in the world, perfect strangers are expected to play babysitter to them.



Callista
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06 Dec 2008, 3:54 pm

My baby? Heh. Wow, I must've been REALLY drunk.

I'd grab one of the ubiquitous waiting-room pamphlets and let the kid go to town on it.

Oh, and if he can scream "I want the paper" at age 1, I'm also signing him up for gifted classes. :)


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06 Dec 2008, 4:05 pm

Greentea wrote:
zghost wrote:
hand him something else and hope it distracts him


Right answer ! !!

That's how I define Theory of Mind. It's knowing what people are like, how they will react in general. It goes against logic, against my logic at least. Because I think literally. I think: "The baby wants this paper" and I try to find a way to give/not give THIS paper to him. I don't grasp the very underlying logic that the baby's looking for anything that will distract him in fact, and that a totally unrelated thing will be a solution too.

Translated to the work place: I kept working my ass off and my boss kept yelling at me that I wasn't working hard enough. So I worked longer and longer hours and harder and harder, and the boss kept yelling that I do nothing all day and work half days (I was working 11 hours a day average). My lack of Theory of Mind doesn't let me see what the boss really wants from me. It's obvious that he knows I'm not lazy, he's trying to say something else that I'm not getting.



Oh, this was a test? I guess I failed. I didn't know the baby wanted something to grab. I thought it wanted what I had. I said I would ignore the screaming baby because I know that is what mothers have to do sometimes. If you give in on your child every time, they will learn if they want their way, just scream.


Why don't you ask your boss what does he want? That's what I'd do if I were you.



sinsboldly
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06 Dec 2008, 4:29 pm

Spokane_Girl wrote:

Why don't you ask your boss what does he want? That's what I'd do if I were you.


I say the boss is getting what he wants, to pay one person to do two or three peoples work.

Merle


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neshamaruach
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06 Dec 2008, 11:28 pm

What do I do? I leave the room, and let the receptionist know where I can be found. I did it when my daughter was small, and it worked just fine.

Before my daughter was born, her father and I made a solemn pact that if she started screaming in a public place where people were either sick (as in a doctor's waiting room) or trying to enjoy themselves (as in a restaurant), we would go outside and spend time with her until she calmed down. We would not attempt to placate her while people were waiting to see the doctor or eating their food. Sometimes children really do want that very thing you are holding and nothing else will do. And even if a substitute would work, do the other people really need to hear the screaming while you are madly offering every safe object you can find to your little cherub? I don't think so.



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06 Dec 2008, 11:54 pm

I would put the paper away, then pick up the child and play with him/her.

Here's what my theory of mind tells me. The child doesn't want the paper, the child wants to know why the paper is demanding more of my attention then he or she is. The kid wants to get the paper away from me, so I can focus on what's more important, my child.

Ever notice with cats that they absolutely have to lay down on the newspaper or book that you're reading? When I'm on the computer, my cat will sit on top of the monitor and swish her tail in front like a windscreen wiper - because she knows she'll get me to focus on her.

Many people will tell you that to give a child this sort of attention on demand is bad for the child, makes them needy and emotionally dependent. They'll tell you to ignore a baby whenever it cries in order to develop his or her sense of independence earlier.

My mother held this philosophy. I won't say it caused my Asperger's, but it definitely made me withdraw from attempting human contact after that. I'm much more independent, yes. Independent and isolated and emotionally distant from all other human beings. Particularly my mother.

Incidentally, giving the child something else to play with, substituting the paper for something else will still work - because you're no longer fixated on that paper, you're interacting with your child again.


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Greentea
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07 Dec 2008, 12:15 am

I would put the paper away, then pick up the child and play with him/her.

That's what the woman I saw the other day did, indeed, and it worked.


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outlier
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07 Dec 2008, 5:40 am

I would have given the child the paper. Would have thought that would be showing Theory of Mind 'cause the paper's "obviously" what the child wants. Guess I haven't learnt much :? .



violet_yoshi
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07 Dec 2008, 5:46 am

I guess I was too busy focusing on my defensiveness towards small children having Hyperacusis, which makes me feel that I need to get as far away before the child starts to screech. Clearly a lack of understanding from other people that the sounds babies and small children make, causes actual real pain to someone with Hyperacusis, now has made me feel absolute terror when it comes to parents with small children.

Of course it doesn't help that they act like raging monsters when I try to explain my situation, instead going into a infantile rage as if they're shouting "My baby! My baby! MY BABY!" like an hysteric. Is this really how parents want to be seen by people who have a invisible disability like this? Is it so hard for them to understand that there's a world outside the baby bubble, where people simply don't perfer to be near children and that doesn't mean they're a child hating monster, which requires them to go into lioness mode?