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msinglynx
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15 Dec 2008, 4:06 pm

So....
I volunteer at a non-profit art gallery. I love art on a somewhat obsessive level (you know what I mean. :P) & I'm about half in love with the Education Coordinator there. He is pretty much everything I want to be, in that he has an awesome, meaningful job bringing art to under-priveleged youth. I help out a lot with tours & stuff, especially translating & doing tours with teenage convicts, which is really cool, it has helped me get very good at expressing my opinions and with public speaking. So I am kind of grateful to him for giving me the opportunity.

The problem is, I really like him, but I can't even tell if he is strait (he looks like the cute white guy from high school musical, and he's about THE nicest, most polite person I have ever met), I'm pretty sure he does or at least has had relationships with guys. But I am almost convinced that he likes me. I'm being extremely careful tho, becuz I have been known to terrify people with my intensity at times, but I'm afraid I am coming off as totally uninterested, when I am really just extremely nervous.



msinglynx
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15 Dec 2008, 4:34 pm

sorry, my computer shut down before I could finish.

Anyway, The thing is, I am horrible at judging body language & since I am used to latino body language (MUCH more tactile, blunt & obvious) I CANT figure him out. So I was wondering if any one could give me advice or tell me if they think I should ask him out or what.

The reason I think he does like me (also he does know that I am waiting to get a diagnoses for possible AS) is a bunch of stuff he's said & done for me. Once when we were talking about jobs we've had and he was saying how "it" must be my "general awesomeness", which could be teasing I guess, but I didn't get anything like that & actually he seemed extremely... sincere, like he really does think I am awesome. He's also said it other times, like while introducing me to groups for tours, but once there was another guide there & he went from saying "my awesome assistant" to "assistant's" in a way obvious enough for even me to pick up on.
He also comes down and spends 20 & 30 minutes at a time talking to me about anything (since I'm only there for 2 hours at a time, that seems like a lot), but only when the gallery director isn't there, & at gallery events he usually stands next to me the whole time he's not socializing. There was an event on Thursday & he had to give a speech, so beforehand he asked me if I would help him pass-out some pamphlet & asked if he should introduce me as his lovely assistant. My first instinct was to make a joke about how he needs glasses, but I stopped myself and just smiled, but I feel like I should have said something else. A few hours later we were standing on the second floor watching the party (me, him & his coworker) & he made a comment about how no-one was coming upstairs and how odd it was with 3 such attractive people there. I just can't tell if he's being nice or if it's me SPECIFICALLY that he's being nice to. It's not like I know how he acts when other people are volunteering.

I once took a friend with me to a poetry reading there & he greeted me normally but when he saw my guy friend he didn't talk to me in the whoooole night, which was really wierd cuz we always talk. The next time I took my same friend to an event, the guy I like came & stood next to me the whole night.

And lastly and most importantly. The gallery only has 3 employees besides the Director (A Curator, the Education Coordinator, & an Admin.). The admin is apparently leaving and not in a good way, so they are needing a new employee for January. So suddenly on Thursday I got an email inviting me to send a resume & letter of interest to the Educ. Coor. so that he personally can talk to the Director on my behalf & get me an interview. And while it's not a guarenteed job, I know I've got his vote. I'm a bit nervous tho, becuz I am certain his coworker, the Curator knows how much I like him, becuz I went once with an (admitidly lame) excuse & she asked me (while grinning like her face would break in half) if there wasn't an easier way to ask the imformation....


So, I wonder, what do you guys think??? I can't tell! Is he just being nice? Or a friend? Or does he like me? (We've never gone out or even just hung out outside of the gallery, tho I once invited him over to a "graffitti party" I wanted to have to decorate my living room, but he said he couldn't come- extremely politely)



Tim_Tex
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15 Dec 2008, 4:38 pm

My advice would be to ask him up front, but not in a way that could frighten him.

It could be anything. He may be interested in a relationship, just a friendship, or just being polite.


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ToadOfSteel
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15 Dec 2008, 4:49 pm

msinglynx wrote:
The problem is, I really like him, but I can't even tell if he is strait (he looks like the cute white guy from high school musical, and he's about THE nicest, most polite person I have ever met), I'm pretty sure he does or at least has had relationships with guys.

Just because he's polite and/or nice doesn't preclude him being straight. It does mean he's more of a real man than many other men out there...

Quote:
But I am almost convinced that he likes me. I'm being extremely careful tho, becuz I have been known to terrify people with my intensity at times, but I'm afraid I am coming off as totally uninterested, when I am really just extremely nervous.

Try asking him sometime... Men, in general (both AS and NT) do better with words than with subtle gestures...



msinglynx
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15 Dec 2008, 4:50 pm

waaah
but I'm scary! Like, intense & I don't want to terrify him when he is such an awesome friend. And I dont know how to do it. I am pretty sure that he has not picked up any signs that I like him, tho his coworker has. He is pretty clueless himself.



msinglynx
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15 Dec 2008, 4:54 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
msinglynx wrote:
The problem is, I really like him, but I can't even tell if he is strait (he looks like the cute white guy from high school musical, and he's about THE nicest, most polite person I have ever met), I'm pretty sure he does or at least has had relationships with guys.

Just because he's polite and/or nice doesn't preclude him being straight. It does mean he's more of a real man than many other men out there...


He loaned me his laptop once and left all of his stuff logged in (he said I could go anywhere) so I kinda... found his myspace page & followed a link to his friends page (a guy) where he'd left a comment calling the guy "cutey-pie"

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Quote:
But I am almost convinced that he likes me. I'm being extremely careful tho, becuz I have been known to terrify people with my intensity at times, but I'm afraid I am coming off as totally uninterested, when I am really just extremely nervous.

Try asking him sometime... Men, in general (both AS and NT) do better with words than with subtle gestures...


Arg, thats the point! I am not subtle at all! It's either "full speed ahead" or "no-go", which is why I've been trying to not show how much I like him. I am not good at subtlety



Tim_Tex
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15 Dec 2008, 5:00 pm

A good way to say it would be, "I really appreciate that we get along well, and that we've become very good friends. But, I was wondering if you would be interested in eventually taking things to the next level."

You have nothing to lose.


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msinglynx
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15 Dec 2008, 5:07 pm

erk
Tha sounds oddly.... terrifying 8O



Tim_Tex
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15 Dec 2008, 5:08 pm

msinglynx wrote:
erk
Tha sounds oddly.... terrifying 8O


How so?


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ToadOfSteel
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15 Dec 2008, 5:15 pm

The worst outcome of that is that he might say no...

If it's any consolation, this is how I feel whenever I have the opportunity to ask some woman I like out... I practically freeze up and can't do anything...



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15 Dec 2008, 6:12 pm

Holy crap, another New Mexican? Can I stare at you a while? 8O

I'm intense, too, and people tell me more often than not that I'm very intimidating and 'over-emotional'. I seem have the benefit of reading non-verbal skills, though. What are your deficits in that area, anyway? What circumstances have led you to that conclusion?

As for the guy, I'm terrible with advice unless I've seen the interactions and met the person on the other end, unless it's something really general. This seems specific to the guy, so there's not much I can suggest. :( If you feel like you'll be really hurt if he denies you, I think you should be very careful. Otherwise, you could definitely try being blunt with him, as has been said. I can't agree with the suggested lines themselves, though.



msinglynx
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16 Dec 2008, 3:46 pm

Orbyss wrote:
Holy crap, another New Mexican? Can I stare at you a while? 8O

I'm intense, too, and people tell me more often than not that I'm very intimidating and 'over-emotional'. I seem have the benefit of reading non-verbal skills, though. What are your deficits in that area, anyway? What circumstances have led you to that conclusion?

As for the guy, I'm terrible with advice unless I've seen the interactions and met the person on the other end, unless it's something really general. This seems specific to the guy, so there's not much I can suggest. :( If you feel like you'll be really hurt if he denies you, I think you should be very careful. Otherwise, you could definitely try being blunt with him, as has been said. I can't agree with the suggested lines themselves, though.


Stare at me?? o_0
YEAH! Over-emotonal, right, not UNemotional. Everyone says I react excessive to the context, or cercumstances, that I get TOO angry, scared, happy, sad, etc.
So if he says something nice, I get ecstatic... but it might just be friendliness, not necesarily something to react to...

Anyway, what led me to believe I have a deficit, besides that I never notice things.... my friends will say stuff like ____ was checking you out, or ____ really like you. I need the words, until then I just accumalate data & read body language books to try & interpret it. I used to have a friend who would explain behavior to me, but I moved so now I'm figuring it all out on my own (part of the reason I post it here.). Also I've had a lot of situations where I end up in danger (like sexually) becuz I tend to stare at peoples mouths, etc, and not pick up on thier signals & thats happened a ton of times. :( So I dont trust my own judgement in these things.



EgaoNoGenki
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17 Dec 2008, 7:49 am

Whoa, teen convicts? Are they led around the museum tour in shackles?



ntchick
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17 Dec 2008, 4:41 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
The worst outcome of that is that he might say no...

But then she has to work with him. If it were me I would be very embarrassed if i had been rejected by someone i work with, probably to the point of having to leave my job.

There is also the sexual harrassment aspect. Dating co-workers is really difficult because if something happens in the relationship between you it can make work (a place where most people do things separately from their home lives) a hard place to be.

Do you like him more than you like your job? If so, go for it.



msinglynx
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17 Dec 2008, 4:45 pm

EgaoNoGenki wrote:
Whoa, teen convicts? Are they led around the museum tour in shackles?


NO, they come with a pair of retainers (?) these two guys who are like combination, teachers, parental role model figure & security guards. They are pretty bad-ass, but also very cool kids. They just have had s**t oportunities, so it feels very good to work with them, even if they are rude, sexist little punks at times, other times they are very "real" and grateful & it is nice seeing/hearing/watching how there perspective changes during the day.



msinglynx
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17 Dec 2008, 4:57 pm

ntchick wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
The worst outcome of that is that he might say no...

But then she has to work with him. If it were me I would be very embarrassed if i had been rejected by someone i work with, probably to the point of having to leave my job.

There is also the sexual harrassment aspect. Dating co-workers is really difficult because if something happens in the relationship between you it can make work (a place where most people do things separately from their home lives) a hard place to be.

Do you like him more than you like your job? If so, go for it.


Well, it is not my job (yet?) for now, I am still just a volunteer & I love being there, giving tours, etc. as much as I like him. And I am the same, if I were so obvious & so obviously rejected, I wouldn't have the heart to keep volunteering & I really love it, it makes me feel meaningful & gives me a place to be and things to do in a city where I have no friends or family.

I think if I could get him out of the gallery I can be more real (?),or at least, more ME with him, though the few times I've gotten really casual & comfortable enough to be more my usual self he seemed pleased. At the same time he also seems very careful (?) like not touching me (I've mentioned to him I dislike being touched by strangers) but even when we are standing next to each other, he holds himself carefully to not touch me, not even a casual touch on the shoulder, etc. I don't know if that is him being careful of like sexual harrasment, or respectful of my boundaries or what. He seems very respectful of boundaries, like being careful with his words when talking about race & trying to warn me when the detention center kids come that they are going to wanna talk about boobs (some nudes for a recent show), etc. He is FREAKISHLY polite. But that is almost worse, becuz he may not say "no" to not be mean, if that makes any sense.