Aspie in Dielema

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for years my people havn treated me like a kid and feel as if the only way they will treat me to the 21 year old i actual am would me if i was a pearent myself.

now i recived a text off a friend who i have know for 6 years wants a baby and we like each other and im thinking of offering to be the farther what would people sugest things kept coming between us evertime we began to get closer what do u aspies think?

i am a un diagnosed aspie she is nt

Is english your first language? Being a parent does NOT make one special, mature, an adult, etc.... It will NOT make them simply respect you. Do you know what "being the father" REALLY means? It doesn't simply mean donating half the genetic makeup. In the US, and many other countries, you will LEGALLY have FAR more responsibilities.

In any event, if you want to have a child SIMPLY to get respect, just tell the other person FORGET IT!

My advice would be to stay far away from this girl.

Get your self married before you have any kids.

Parenthood is a serious commitment and responsibility. It should not be taken lightly.
It's hard enough when you have a spouse to share the load with.
Doing it solo is not a desirable option.
Kids without both parents for role models have problems growing up.

You should only have a child if a child is what you want.

If what you want is respect you should look for other ways to get it.

The terms "have a child" and "get respect" should not occur in the same paragraph or have a causal relationship associated with them.

My mother a year or so ago basically said to me "your children are going to become drug addicts because you two split up and you haven't been around". I haven't been around because I've been chasing jobs around the country because the state decided it's illegal for me to be poor. And to date I've not been able to find a solution to that problem, although I keep trying. I certainly have wanted to be around for my kids, although at the same time, my mother is a fruit-loop. I know my kids are upset about the fact that I haven't been around, but by her reasoning, I should be a drug addict myself...

i wou;d be there all the way

please, please don't make the decision to move forward with this crazy idea
the way that you can show you are an adult is by acting like a responsible adult- not coming up with some crazy scheme......pay your bills, get a job, be more responsible with chores around the house, offer to help more....

Focus on what caused everyone to treat you like a baby and correct that problem first. I imagine if you have Aspergers then you pulled out the "baby card" on a daily basis at a much older age than you should have. Unfortunately, that's just the cold, hard truth of this disease. A lot of it is the parents fault too, though. They "baby" their children when in fact their children are capable of so much more independence then they give them credit for.....they just need a nudge.

way to go kramer ! let's put down the person asking for help ! !! !! !! !! !! !!yeah!! !! !! !! !! !! !! !! !!

joeygeorge- you could also talk to a counselor or AS group about your concerns if you feel you can't talk to your parents. there should be someone around that could help you sort through things.

OK, NOW YOU DID IT! I have to be fair. I HATE kramer for what he generally says, etc.... But "Joeygeorge" DESERVED to be "put down". I, myself, put a few little putdowns in my post, though I DID put a thin veneer on them.

The ONLY problem I saw with kramer's last message was what he said about AS people "pulling out the baby card", etc.... Otherwise, he was RIGHT! HEY, there is ALWAYS a first time, RIGHT? MAYBE he can build a trend on it!

Frankly, it is people like Joeygeorge(and KRAMER to be fair) that make people consider the idea of some kind of temporary sterilization.

People should NOT be able to have kids simply because they feel it would improve their ability to:

1. provide for old age(They may not end up helping you anyway. They shouldn't be expected to)
2. do better socially
3. keep their spouse/friend(That is just not right and RARELY really works)
4. have someone to boss around(That is CRUEL, immoral, and shouldn't be done)
5. prove their worth.(It DOESN'T)
6. outnumber others
7. get welfare
8. etc....

9. Magically solve whatever problem they're facing at the time.

If you consider this a dilemma you shouldn't have kids. Only persons that are 100% sure that they want kids and the kids will be priority #1 should have kids.

Simply- Having Children Should Only Happen When People Have The Love and Resources To Provide The Best Enviornment For Them To Grow Up!

You must consider your financial situation now and in the future.

You must consider your relationship with the mother, children deserve to have two parents and love and security at all times.

You must consider this is not the same as "wanting something (like a material possesion), this child is for life!

You must be responsible for this child for ever through the good times and tough times.


Obviously, Kramer1 should of waited to have children until he matured!

Yeah. This is a potential LIFE we're talking about here.

From your post, it seems as if both you and your female 'friend' don't have a solid reason for wanting a baby. This isn't the kind of thing that you do on a whim, or to make people take you more seriously. If anything, people will have a more negative opinion of you for following through with this plan. You have to become mature first, then consider having children (but only if you're truly committed!). Start out by taking responsibility over areas of your own life.