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noahveil23
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22 Dec 2008, 5:18 pm

Sometimes enjoy a little bit of alcohol. I really have to force myself to have more than a single serving. It makes social situations much more tolerable, sometimes even enjoyable, but have to be careful not to act like an idiot. It's much easier to "fit in" & "pass for normal".

Of all the chemicals I've known and loved though, alcohol is nearly at the bottom of the list.

All my addict friends tell me now, that I am not and have never been an addict, though I've definitely used some things as a crutch. Could always stop on a dime if I had to though. Even nicotine, which people tell me is one of the hardest.

Over-eating though, that's another story.


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Hector
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22 Dec 2008, 5:18 pm

I've always thought ahead about how I might react to drinking alcohol for the first time. If I didn't enjoy drinking then doing so would have been a waste of time, if I did then I might not find myself able to stop because I have a very habit-driven personality. If I enjoy something enough then I will do it again and again. This can potentially be quite damaging with alcohol. So, I never even properly tried drinking.



TheMaverick
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22 Dec 2008, 7:16 pm

alcohol brings me out of my shell. thats not to say that i suddenyl understand NTs, social cues, etc. but i talk a lot more, and usually about things that i like to talk about, so i guess it makes it harder for people to be around me then as they are probably bored with whatever im talking about. it seems that no matter is the discussion topic, me and NTs are never on the same wavelength and interested in each others conversations.
i think i also use alcohol as a form of self medicating. it makes me, at least for a short while, forget that i dont fit in and i feel more comfortable doing my own thing. its much better when those around me are drunk too.
all too frequently, however, i find myself polishing off a boittle of wine sitting at home by myself. again, i feel better, until i wake up the next morning



Kahnza
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11 May 2011, 6:47 pm

I am addicted to alcohol. It cures my boredom. Its an easy fix to a difficult situation. But it brings on addiction and actually complicates the situation. I don't drink to be social, although it does help when interacting with other people. It makes me feel good about myself and my current situation. Until the next day. What hangover I do get is very mild. Although I have had bad ones in the past. But since becoming an alcoholic its really not a problem. I think having sober friends might help, but I can't really talk to anyone while sober. And if I make a friend while drunk, it doesn't last into sobriety once they realize how weird and private I am. :(



leejosepho
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11 May 2011, 7:00 pm

@Kahnza: When you might some day get to this point ...

Quote:
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!


... send me a PM! :wink:


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My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================


Kahnza
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11 May 2011, 7:39 pm

leejosepho wrote:
@Kahnza: When you might some day get to this point ...
Quote:
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!


... send me a PM! :wink:


I am an athiest. But MY GOD that makes a lot of sense.



leejosepho
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11 May 2011, 9:03 pm

Kahnza wrote:
leejosepho wrote:
@Kahnza: When you might some day get to this point ...
Quote:
For most normal folks, drinking means conviviality, companionship and colorful imagination. It means release from care, boredom and worry. It is joyous intimacy with friends and a feeling that life is good. But not so with us in those last days of heavy drinking. The old pleasures were gone. They were but memories. Never could we recapture the great moments of the past. There was an insistent yearning to enjoy life as we once did and a heartbreaking obsession that some new miracle of control would enable us to do it. There was always one more attempt - and one more failure.

The less people tolerated us, the more we withdrew from society, from life itself. As we became subjects of King Alcohol, shivering denizens of his mad realm, the chilling vapor that is loneliness settled down. It thickened, ever becoming blacker. Some of us sought out sordid places, hoping to find understanding companionship and approval. Momentarily we did - then would come oblivion and the awful awakening to face the hideous Four Horsemen - Terror, Bewilderment, Frustration, Despair. Unhappy drinkers who read this page will understand!


... send me a PM! :wink:


I am an athiest. But MY GOD that makes a lot of sense.

Not to worry: God understands! :wink:

Quote:
"In this book you will read the experience of a man who thought he was an atheist. His story is so interesting that some of it should be told now ..." ("A.A.", the book, pages 55-56)


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I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================


jcq126
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12 May 2011, 6:24 am

Alcohol is my saviour, I have so much trouble going out without it. When I have alcohol it relaxes me, my sensory issues and anxiety are relaxed, I am mellow and can think more clearly. The downside is I become EXTREMELY rude and offensive, my girlfriend actually told me I had to stop drinking because I become I am too bad when I drink, it's because it makes my filter that i've learned how to use disappear and I say anything on my mind and am very offensive and if somebody makes me angry I BLOW up, we're talking full out blow up of anger at them. So ya, 2-3 drinks is okay and mellows me out, when I get "drunk drunk" it is not pretty.



leejosepho
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12 May 2011, 8:59 am

jcq126 wrote:
Alcohol is my saviour, I have so much trouble going out without it. When I have alcohol it relaxes me, my sensory issues and anxiety are relaxed, I am mellow and can think more clearly ...
So ya, 2-3 drinks is okay and mellows me out ...

Whew. I can absolutely agree with all of that! I had my very first drink ever at age 24, and the effect I got was "absolutely marvelous"! It seemed to "fix" something I had never even really realized needed fixing until I had actually experienced the effect I got from my new and dear ol' hypersoothing "Ethyl" (alcohol)!

jcq126 wrote:
The downside is I become EXTREMELY rude and offensive, my girlfriend actually told me I had to stop drinking because I become I am too bad when I drink, it's because it makes my filter that i've learned how to use disappear and I say anything on my mind and am very offensive and if somebody makes me angry I BLOW up, we're talking full out blow up of anger at them.

If you might be willing and able to learn to deal with some underlying issues there in order to correct that kind of behaviour, intoxicated or not, and then also for at least as long as you are able to completely control how much you actually do drink whenever you do, I would say there is nothing whatsoever wrong about your drinking for the reasons you do.

jcq126 wrote:
when I get "drunk drunk" it is not pretty.

That was the same for me. I seldom actually became mean or anything, and neither was I ever much of a sobbing drunk. However, I did become rather obnoxious simply because I either did not care at all what other people thought -- no more "people pleaser" from me to try to get people to like me -- or else I just completely wore other people out with my slobbering buddy-buddy "friendliness"!

Caution: Not everyone who drinks even a lot is automatically "alcoholic", and there is no such thing as becoming an alcoholic (in a bottom-line sense while using that term). However, and here using pregnancy in an illustrative way:

You either are or you are not, and whether or not "loss of all control when drinking" eventually "shows" has yet to be known.


_________________
I began looking for someone like me when I was five ...
My search ended at 59 ... right here on WrongPlanet.
==================================