What are the chances of two-aspie relationship?

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Anyone out there who can answer this question? I met a great lad and we get on well really well; and there is this... chemistry between us; this magical something, that feels really good. It's getting more and more serious. But we are both really shy and we are both aspies and have a certain degree of communicational problems... Is it ok? Or is it something that would make this impossible? [I would like to hear Your opinions on that]

I can't see any reason why it wouldn't work. And I think that it should work better than an NT/Aspie relationship.

Communication wise, you probably just need to agree that it is OK to be direct with one another, but that may take some practice to actually make it work. If you don't understand something, or think you may have misunderstood, ask for clarification, discuss things, and let it be OK to do that.

I have an Aspie friend of the opposite sex and we get along really well, although there's nothing between us except friendship.

Don't ever assume that something can't be done ... better to decide what you want, then figure out a way to achieve it.

I, for one, wish you every success.

I'm in an AS/AS relationship now, and even thru I never dated a NT, I think it's works better dating an AS. You tend to understand each other better and don't have to worry about NTs and understanding their world and their rules. As you got more comfortable with each other you both might feel more open and willing to communicate. I say go for it and I wish you success.

I've seen some members here claim to be in an aspie relationship.

I don't really know if it would work or not but apparently it's worked for some aspies.

I'm in one also, and its longest relationship ive ever been in so far.

I think that I might know how to undersand other aspies better than i do NT's and visa versa..I know the way my (very AS-sih)friend's moodiness works..I know what it's like when he is feeling extra sensory-sensitive..and to not overreact when he has a meltdown..or just gets fussy..and I don't find it odd that he gets worn out easily by things..etc..etc..I have alot of fun looking for the stuff he obsessively collects..and I love listening to him talk about it...I generally enjoy his company and hope I might be less prone to getting on his nerves than an NT girl might be...
He is a similar type to me.

Sometimes I might feel like I have to remind him that I have issues, and I might be a tad slow on the uptake on some things..and I am always accidentally taking his jokes literally...and then sometime s he will take my jokes literally...it's kinda silly... So we have some silly crossed communications...'s fun...

I've been in an Aspie relationship for over 6 years now. It takes work to practice on-going communication but what relationship doesn't. Relationships with NT's always end in disaster for me. IMHO the only way to have a successful relationship with the NT type is that they are fully aware of Asperger's and its challenges.
What I've been told and found to be true, if you want to grow really fast, then get in a relationship. Just as an individual needs personel growth to progress, the relationship needs the same.
Good Luck!
Philski

My second husband was AS. AS make better husbands than NTs in some ways, in other ways NTs blow away AS people in how to be supportive, etc, in a loving relationship. I can list some pros and cons to having an AS partner:

PROS

Gives you space (an NT partner needs a lot of time and attention or they feel emotionally deprived)
Rules for relationship are clear (throw away the cotton in the aspirin bottles!) instead of complicated and intangible
Intelligent (in ways that make it easier for AS to talk to AS)
Sensitive to your alien world view (what you are talking about when you talk about the world and your feelings)
Better sex (if you teach them properly, AS are more sensory-responsive and intense than NTs)
Honest -- nothing better than a spouse who can't/won't lie!
All the other AS stuff I feel comfortable with: logical, etc.

CONS

Incredibly boring (after a few years AS get stuck if they don't expand past a narrow set of special interests & diversify their world)
Childish and inflexible in those things that make them upset/bother them
Obsessive/compulsive (it was hard to live with someone who has OCD, but not impossible if they can control it)
Don't bring as many friends and external-world activities into your life as NTs can.
All the other AS stuff I don't feel comfortable with: develop strong biases, etc.
Not nearly as empathetic as NT (my NT husband is wonderful to me, better than I am as a spouse).

I can probably think of other things and come back and edit this list if I do.

Last edited by ephemerella on 23 Dec 2008, 2:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

If you understand each other's issues, then it has a very good chance of working out.

I would recommend finding out what each others' quirks are, and how to work with them or around them.

2AS partners would probably work better than 1AS and 1NT.

What about better or worse than 2 NTs?

I am not sure anymore if aspie females like aspie males in general (and vice versa) , when you take a look at the criteria of perfect partner thread you'll notice that so many mention non-common-aspie traits: outgoing, easygoing, sociable,fashionable ,high self-esteem , broad intelligence....etc

It does happen, its how I met my girlfriend, I think what attracted us was some of our
aspie traits, and weird sense of humor, that frequently got the both of us in trouble.

Agree with most of what you say, Ephemerella. It's always good to hear some real life experiences.

I agree 100% with your Pros ... also from experience.

For me a few things might be specific to the situation or individual.

I was always being told by my ex that I was the least supportive individual she had ever encountered. No matter what I tried, it never seemed to be acceptable.

My new girlfriend has the opposite view, and finds me extremely supportive, and I find it very easy to be that way.

So I guess anything is possible if the chemistry is right.

Given the range on numbers of those with Asperger's Syndrome, you're looking at 0.2% of the population with AS. There are about 4 guys for every girl. This cuts the number of girls down to 0.04% of the population, with only 1/5 of AS being female.

Now, if we want to do pure chance, account for how much this makes up their respective genders. I'll assume an even 50-50 split, so we just double the numbers. Assuming no discrimination among who you date - 0.32*0.08 = 0.0256% chance of getting into a heterosexual AS-AS relationship.

Now, by including more relationships, or discriminating who you date, you can drive up the % into your favor, but it's still a long shot.

The 4:1 ratio is only those with a formal diagnosis.

1 out of 150 people is on the autistic spectrum. I don't know the gender ratio for the spectrum as a whole, though.

And you can't really use WP as an accurate cross-section, because many people on here are non-AS relatives of Aspies.