Parents: Who had colicky baby or traumatic births????

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Lucymac
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26 Dec 2008, 11:41 pm

Just wondering if your Aspie was colicky, late talker, had phobias in infancy, and/or traumatic labor/births? My DD had huge hematoma, I was in labor (back labor unmedicated) for forty hours with emotional trauma at the same time. Wondering if anyone else had similiarities? Also my baby didn't talk til 2.5 years (then in short sentences) she NEVER babbled and was disturbed when I tried to do finger play songs with her. I am an SLP and was dumbfounded and in postpartum depression as well in isolation with a colicky baby. Nursing for one year plus was the only thing that calmed her. She was afraid of the color black, balls, cows, certain baby songs. People really thought I was insane. Anyone else with a colicky aspie???? Thanks, Lucy



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27 Dec 2008, 12:00 am

I wasn't colicky, but I did have a pretty traumatic birth, well for mum at least... she was in labour for 52 hours with me. Finally I was born, next morn the doc checked on her and noticed her belly wasn't shrinking as should. Turns out she hemmoraged into her uterus and when the doctor pushed, it ALL came out. She flatlined right there.

Thankfully they brought her back, don't know what I would have done without her. As such, I was viewed as the killer baby by my grandma and my dad. Was... interesting. She couldn't breastfeed me cause of it, but I always wanted to be held, and she was a new mum, so I'm sure that plus Aspie was insanity for her.

I think I started talking around 9 months.


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27 Dec 2008, 12:29 am

Lucymac wrote:
Just wondering if your Aspie was colicky, late talker, had phobias in infancy, and/or traumatic labor/births? My DD had huge hematoma, I was in labor (back labor unmedicated) for forty hours with emotional trauma at the same time. Wondering if anyone else had similiarities? Also my baby didn't talk til 2.5 years (then in short sentences) she NEVER babbled and was disturbed when I tried to do finger play songs with her. I am an SLP and was dumbfounded and in postpartum depression as well in isolation with a colicky baby. Nursing for one year plus was the only thing that calmed her. She was afraid of the color black, balls, cows, certain baby songs. People really thought I was insane. Anyone else with a colicky aspie???? Thanks, Lucy


Hi Lucy,

My now adult Aspie was due on Oct. 23 and by Oct. 30 he showed no signs of going anywhere. I had gained 40 pounds and had begun to swell like crazy. On Halloween night, Oct. 31, my husband took me to the hospital where my labor was induced. My water broke around 6:00 am on Nov. 1. I dialated to 6 cm. The nurse checked me and my son began to suck on her finger! He was in face-presentation position. Not good. Miraculously, my husband watched as nurses changed the 6 cm to 4 cm! How can one "de-dialate" while in labor? The doctor checked on the baby. She felt his little nose. They turned me practically upside down to try to thrust him back toward the upper part of the uterus, but he was not budging. His forehead had gotten stuck on my pelvic bone. Mind you, he measured like he was around a 6 1/2 pounder. They had to stop trying to reposition him because the cord got wrapped around his neck and his oxygen began decreasing. Finally, the doctor told me she had waited as long as she could and we would have to go with a C-section. When he was born, he had a perfectly round head, save a large knot on his forehead. He was 21 1/2 inches long and 8 lbs, 13 3/4 ozs. His Apgar scores were low on muscle tone and color, I believe.

I nursed him until he was 5 months old. My menstral cycle returned at that point and he refused any more of my milk. He couldn't keep any of the store formulas down. Finally, we tried a follow-up formula for him and he tolerated that. He had tummy troubles often and we learned every position possible to burp him and to help his tummy feel better. The best was putting him on his tummy atop of a pillow that I placed over my knees. Then I would jostle my knees up and down. This helped calm him. Putting him in the carseat and driving around a bit helped, too, as did holding him in a little spongy baby bath mat on top of our clothes dryer with the dryer turned on.

He continued to have digestive difficulties (still does occasionally), but rarely got sick with other usual childhood diseases.


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27 Dec 2008, 12:39 am

Lucymac wrote:
Just wondering if your Aspie was colicky, late talker, had phobias in infancy, and/or traumatic labor/births? My DD had huge hematoma, I was in labor (back labor unmedicated) for forty hours with emotional trauma at the same time. Wondering if anyone else had similiarities? Also my baby didn't talk til 2.5 years (then in short sentences) she NEVER babbled and was disturbed when I tried to do finger play songs with her. I am an SLP and was dumbfounded and in postpartum depression as well in isolation with a colicky baby. Nursing for one year plus was the only thing that calmed her. She was afraid of the color black, balls, cows, certain baby songs. People really thought I was insane. Anyone else with a colicky aspie???? Thanks, Lucy


Oops, Lucy, I didn't address your other questions.

My son began talking between 6 and 9 months and was using complete sentences shortly afterward, as I recall. He read words around 2 and spelled long words around then, also, especially dinosaur names. He began reading picture books at 3, short chapter books around 3 1/2, and by 5 was into long novels such as the Chronicles of Narnia.

He was terrified of people's hands around 1 1/2 years old until he was probably in elementary school. He used to slide down slides with no problem and suddenly refused around 14 months old.

His muscle tone was not good. He was probably 5 before he could use a circular doorknob to open a door. He still cannot use his fingers to pinch and grab an object well at all. His handwriting is not very legible, even after years of occupational therapy.

He did not want to go to sleep alone for years. He would wake up and crawl into bed with his dad and me. We would take him back and he'd come back in. He'd sneak in with his blanket and lie on the floor beside our bed if he couldn't sneak in without waking us. He finally slept in his own bed all night at around 12 years old. He also had night terrors and one episode of sleepwalking.


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Lucymac
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27 Dec 2008, 12:43 am

My DD was born after forty hours of grueling back labor. I was determined (stupdily) to do it "naturally" without meds! What a sicko we are when we are young! My DD came out in total shock with her cord wrapped several times around the neck, blue, and wide eyed and ready to go. My parents couldn't believe how AWAKE she was. She NEVER slept, ever! My pediatrician, who was friend, couldn't believe that she didn't sleep more than one hour at a time. He said NO medication so ofcourse I medicated myself and not the baby. One night I said to my DH "She slept through the night!!" and he said "YOU DID, not her! With the Vicadin you took!"

Anyway that was the gist of babyhood with Emily. Now looking back after 11 years I can honestly admit there was something different about her. I do think that kids come into this world WIRED differently. Sometimes I feel like I shoudl just forget blaming myself and get on with life. It's not my fault that she has problems and sometimes I think it TOTALLY IS MY FAULT THAT SHE HAS PROBLEMS. I don't know how other moms feel but I know we feel the same way now. It is damn hard having a disabled child. There is guilt, blame, self doubt, anxiety, confusion , denial, anger, sadness.


I LOVE MY DD. I WOULD NEVER WANT ANOTHER DD THAN HER BUT HONESTLY SHE WILL BE A CHALLENGE THE REST OF MY LIFE. Am I terrible for feeling like this? Am I dishonest or selfish? Am I alone? Does anyone else feel like this? I have lost more than a few GOOD friends due to emotional outbursts/difficulties



tayne_gheel
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27 Dec 2008, 1:17 am

My son was not colicky as I recall, but his birth was traumatic. His mother had a VERY difficult pregnancy. She was diagnosed with preeclampsia and we had to rush to the hospital on several occasions to get her early contractions arrested. When our son finally came at 34 weeks, he stopped breathing right after he was born. His Apgar score was dismal and he was intubated immediately. He spent the next two weeks in NICU. He had poor muscle tone and did not talk until at least 18 months. Even then speech was minimal until we had tubes inserted in his ears to stop his incessant ear infections. Once that blockage was removed, he started talking normally.

He also didn't sleep very well. His poor muscle tone made suckling difficult and thus he couldn't get enough food to eat. So he'd wake up every 45-60 minutes for another feeding. I don't know how my then-wife survived it. I was little help at the time... :oops:

Now, he's diagnosed with Asperger's and has all the difficulties that come with it. But he's articulate and bright. He's 5 years old and is probably behind a couple years in social interaction, but reading a grade ahead.

You are not alone in how you feel, Lucymac. His mother really struggles at times. She loves him immensely and has given her life to make sure his special needs are met. But at times she's overwhelmed by the exhaustion and exasperation. I won't speak for her, but I've heard her express very similar feelings. I'm often unhelpful because I'm Aspie too and so a lot of his annoying behaviors don't affect me the way they do her.

But the prospect of a life of extra care does wear on her and me, and would wear on any reasonable person.



tayne_gheel
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27 Dec 2008, 1:18 am

What does DD and DH stand for? :?
Sorry, new here...



Lucymac
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27 Dec 2008, 1:28 am

I am sorry, I am using euphesiams that I don't really know for sure are correct. I think "DD" refers to dear daughter and "DH" refers to dear husband. Your response though struck a cord with me. I feel for your wife. I am alone in my dealing with an aspie child. My Dh (dear husband) hasn't been diagnosed and I doubt he has this particular disabitly but may definitely have another. It is hard. YOu LOVE the child so much but worry just as much tool. Why or Why cannot the world respect and love the uniqueness in all of us for goodness sake?



tayne_gheel
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27 Dec 2008, 1:50 am

She's my ex-wife now. :o Sorry, I should have made that more clear. But we get along well and are trying to patch things up... :)

Our son's diagnosis has been hardest on her because she was so sensitive to him from the beginning. I was out to lunch most of the time.

Lucymac wrote:
Why or Why cannot the world respect and love the uniqueness in all of us for goodness sake?


Good question. I am looking for the place where that occurs as well.



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27 Dec 2008, 12:14 pm

my oldest aspie was very colicky. i had morning sickness for 9 months...he was a breech baby that the doctors turned using version.............he never dropped into the birth canal, and ended up being delivered via emergency c-section.....my youngest, who is still undxed, had no birthing issues at all. no colic. i didn't have any morning sickness....she has, however, been a very clingy child. never wanted to be put down.



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27 Dec 2008, 1:10 pm

I didn't have an emergency c-section because it was already decided that, that was how my daughter was to be born. In comparison to the size of her and to the size of me, I think that is why they decided. There was too much risk with vaginal birth.
I did not enjoy being pregnant. When she was born or delivered it freaked me out. I don't think I ever felt so scared. Like how do I look after her. I didn't know and she was all my responsability. She suffered with gastric reflux really bad from newborn until about 2 years I think it stopped. She would vomit and scream in pain for hours on end and sleep was very little and in-frequent. It was terrible for her and it was really hard for me. She was hospitalised at 4 months. They wanted her in for observation and to do an eeg. They never really said why for an eeg.
I was always told she would outgrow reflux by one or two years of age. She is 11 and she still gets reflux. I noticed doctors, specialist and people in general don't listen to some mom's. It is like they think we are neurotic or if we are young, stupid.
I have got in arguments with alot of so called specialists, doctors, social workers and even people running them parenting courses. Get frustrated with me like i don't know what I am talking about. I'll show you frustration :x Learn about autism and then give me some advice until then f**k off out of my face!



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27 Dec 2008, 11:01 pm

tayne_gheel wrote:
She's my ex-wife now. :o Sorry, I should have made that more clear. But we get along well and are trying to patch things up... :)

Our son's diagnosis has been hardest on her because she was so sensitive to him from the beginning. I was out to lunch most of the time.


I think many of us who have children on the spectrum have experienced marital strain. My son's dad and I were friends for 5 years before marrying and were married almost four years when our son was born. We had and still have a very close friendship. However, we did not take care of our marriage, especially after our son began to exhibit nontypical behavior. I delved into trying to find out what was wrong and try to "fix" it or learn to deal with it. My husband spent more and more time volunteering and away from home. We had other stresses, but dealing with the school system, hearing contradictory comments from professionals, and such pitted us against one another much of the time. I am a teacher by trade and was frustrated at how parents of children with differences have to meander through miles and miles of red tape to get any help for their children. My husband and I divorced after 17 years of marriage. Our son was around 13 at the time. We've been divorced for 6 years now and both went through second marriages that were not positive experiences. We have considered getting back together but are taking that step very, very slowly.


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27 Dec 2008, 11:29 pm

Lucymac wrote:
My DD was born after forty hours of grueling back labor. I was determined (stupdily) to do it "naturally" without meds! What a sicko we are when we are young! My DD came out in total shock with her cord wrapped several times around the neck, blue, and wide eyed and ready to go. My parents couldn't believe how AWAKE she was. She NEVER slept, ever! My pediatrician, who was friend, couldn't believe that she didn't sleep more than one hour at a time. He said NO medication so ofcourse I medicated myself and not the baby. One night I said to my DH "She slept through the night!!" and he said "YOU DID, not her! With the Vicadin you took!"

Anyway that was the gist of babyhood with Emily. Now looking back after 11 years I can honestly admit there was something different about her. I do think that kids come into this world WIRED differently. Sometimes I feel like I shoudl just forget blaming myself and get on with life. It's not my fault that she has problems and sometimes I think it TOTALLY IS MY FAULT THAT SHE HAS PROBLEMS. I don't know how other moms feel but I know we feel the same way now. It is damn hard having a disabled child. There is guilt, blame, self doubt, anxiety, confusion , denial, anger, sadness.


I LOVE MY DD. I WOULD NEVER WANT ANOTHER DD THAN HER BUT HONESTLY SHE WILL BE A CHALLENGE THE REST OF MY LIFE. Am I terrible for feeling like this? Am I dishonest or selfish? Am I alone? Does anyone else feel like this? I have lost more than a few GOOD friends due to emotional outbursts/difficulties


No, no, new friend! You are NOT alone. Though I have been an elementary teacher (who loves teaching children with different needs in my regular classroom setting) and have a master's degree which concentrated on pastoral counseling, there are days I have just felt like pounding my own head into the wall and screaming. Once, the stress got to me so badly, I remember crying out, "Why, why, did our child have to be born like this? We did everything right! I didn't even drink caffeine while I was pregnant!" My then-husband said, "But why NOT us? If he had been born to people who didn't have the resources we have like health insurance, enough education to research how to find help, or the friend/family support we have to help, he may have been abused or even dead by now." I felt pretty guilty when he said that, but I understood his point.

Still, I think I still sometimes grieve for the child he may have been had he not had all these hurtles to overcome. I imagine he may have been happier or enjoyed school more, etc. However, I wonder if he would be the wonderful young man who loves his dad and me so much, has never worried us with some of the things neurotypical teens usually worry their parents with, and who has so much feeling for others who don't fit in. He tries to make others feel okay in groups. In fact, during a recent stay in the psychiatric hospital (he was also diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia) other patients kept telling us that our son was a joy to them and comforted them. When I think back to how he used to hurt people's feelings by his bluntness, I realize how hard he has had to work to read others and to think of what to say to help them feel better. He has become a wonderful 19-year old man who still lacks many of the skills even other Aspies find easy, yet he exhibits many of the qualities that his father and I have tried to instill in him over the years.

Before our son was born, his dad was the pastor of a Christian church and one wise lady told us she had some advise. She said, "Many days you will probably be so frustrated you may even feel like throwing that sweet baby out the window! And before you go completely crazy, go ahead and throw him. Just remember to make sure that there is someone standing outside the window to catch him." I thought of that so many, many times over the years. And I remind myself that she said this about neurotypical kids!

Our circle of friends became smaller and smaller and eventually we even stopped going to church. (Our son became a danger to other kids by acting out some of those Old Testament stories where there was violence--literal thinker, he was.) We had family disputes, of course, with some in the family thinking all his ills were brought about by bad parenting.

There wasn't as much information out there about Asperger's 20 years ago and there was no such think as the Internet, so sometimes I'm a bit heartsick that he was born at a time when he was sort of "an experiment" to his doctors and schools. Still maybe we helped pave the way for others.

Hang in there. Find someone who can be your back-up person so you can have some time to yourself even if it is just an hour or two a week. You need some time to be YOU apart from being a mom. I stressed myself out to the max and it took a toll on my physical, emotional, and mental health for a long time. Only recently have I begun taking care of myself. My son has responded positively to this, too. If you can't find anyone where you are, scream onto this message board or have a live chat with someone. Sometimes just getting it out helps calm yourself.

How old is your child?


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28 Dec 2008, 7:04 am

My autie son was born at home (planned) after 4 hours of labour.
He started eating right away, but didn't do the bonding bit my other sons did - hours of just looking at each other :D
He screamed and screamed and never slept. He was VERY colicky, and nothing helped.
In the mean time I in retrospect had a bout of depression - not helped by the horrific sleep deprivation and stress of two little kids 14 months apart.
Later he didn't babble.
He was a very late speaker, and still scores below normal on the language part of IQ tests - but way way above with maths, numbers ect.
Started doing numbers the same time he started talking, his language was otherwize very stereotyped: "what's your name" "how old are you" was how he conversed for what seems like years!

BTW some autism can be linked to birth trauma - general brain damage, but mostly there is no connection. Lots of NT kids had horrific births, too, and there still NT.
Auties are usually either very very easy babies or less commonly very very difficult ones- seems we got the tough ones! I sometimes think my difficult baby turned into an autie that would be classed "active but strange", not "passive" or "introverted", (the two other classifications) which is how I speculate the easy babies turn out.
The "active but strange" auties generally have a better prognosis, as they engage in the outer world - they generally develope better language skills ect. Therefore I chose to see my son's awful infancy as a good thing :lol:



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28 Dec 2008, 11:01 am

My son was born at 25 weeks after the pregnancy from hell, and was in the hospital for 82 days. He had colic for the typical 2 weeks, but he had horrible reflux. He threw up everything (projectile)until he started eating solid food. He didn't say a word until his third birthday, and it was really hard transitioning him. I got hit in the face and kicked several times a day until he could speak. I still get hit, but not as much..now he just yells at me. He is now 7. He got some help with the school, but is now in totally private everything. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS at 3 1/2. He is actually doing very well. Considering that there was a time when I didn't know if he was going to live out the day, I am very thankful that all I have is autism. Certain things will be hard for him, but it's not severe enough that he won't be able to live an independent life with the right education and intervention, so I feel he is very lucky. Not to mention he is extremely good at math and reasoning, and he is reading really well, especially since he has a pretty significant language disability. He is now just starting to have conversations with complete sentences. His syntax is all over the place, and he cannot describe an event or tell a story (he has the mechanics, but has a hard time putting all of the rules together to form a paragraph) but he's getting there. I don't know if his birth had anything to do with him being on the spectrum, especially since now that I know more about autism I can see it in his father, but he is who he is, and he's great! :D