How do you deal with the loneliness?

Post Reply New Topic

Basically, since last October or so, almost every single friend I had got into a relationship with someone... At first, I thought "well okay, maybe this means my own time has come as well"... but I'm still sitting here, alone, without any significant other to speak of...

I had come to the conclusion that maybe what I needed was a change of friends... get rid of all my existing friends and find some new single misfits to hang out with... but then half the forum went on about how idiotic that would be...

So I gave up on that idea, but the base problem still remains: I am alone. I'm a permanent third wheel in this world now... Any woman with the slightest amount of common sense would steer clear of me... So it seems like all the options to make the pain of loneliness go away are closed to me. I'm not a suicidal person, so that's out. Women aren't going to date me, so that's out. And I got a pretty much unanimous vote against switching out my current friends for new ones, so that's out as well... I can't really think of any other options to handle this, and the loneliness is starting to eat away at my soul...

I just put up with my depressions, simple really.

welcome to the AS world
its how things tend to go
you can't much do anything about it except go out there and try and make real friends
and if your not gonna do that, well then your gonna be alone
your not gonna wake up one day and have it all
you gotta go out and get it for yourself

Ditto

I don't think it is the case that anyone is too lazy to find friends or that they think that friends will appear if they do nothing.
Some people here just lack the social skills to make friends, however much effort they put into it.

Before anything else, the appropriate skills, that do not come naturally to many here, must be learnt or picked up.

I wish I had the solution. I've found that being engaged in activities like video games alleviates it, for a time. I also tried counseling, though it didn't work too well in my case.

It is common for someone involved in a new relationship to spend a lot of time with that person. In your case, it looks like a matter of coincidence that your friends all found significant others at the same time. I can understand why you would feel left out.

My advice would be threefold:

1) Don't dump your current friends. Just give them space for now.
2) Find another social outlet; i.e. job, school, special interest groups, support groups, whatever. Look to form new friendships.
3) Stay busy with your interests.

I have also found that antidepressants, specifically SSRIs, help eliminate the feelings of emptiness and loneliness.

Good luck to you.

loneliness is soooo much easier to deal with than rejection...

What's that supposed to mean? How do you know he hasn't been rejected?

I've been rejected in the past, yes, but even then I still had friends... now all my friends are all of a sudden "too busy"...

Denial works for me, or at least that is what I tell myself. I have some pretty severe social anxiety, and I convince myself that I'm perfectly happy being alone. The problem is, you can't lie to depression, and it'll keep coming back to remind you that you are not happy. I haven't figured out how to beat depression yet, but I'll let you know when if I do.

What makes you think that? That's not obvious to me at all, having experienced both.

I don't know, I've also been having to deal with loneliness for a while now.

Get a dog or cat, they make great companions and they're always there when you need them.....

Even when you're trying to hide from the paparazzi...

I'm pretty sure you can't make this claim with any certainty, at your age, unless you make it a self-fulfilling prophecy.

By all means look for new friends, just don't ditch the old ones so abruptly. You can't rely on finding close friends in any space of time, just like you can't rely on finding a girlfriend in any space of time, but you've made them before so you may have some notion of how to try to find some now.

I know how you feel. I think it tends to happen to a lot of people at this age, not just aspies. The early to mid twenties is when all the people you know start to move on out of the college phase, get married and have kids.

While it is important to have people to be close with, you might just be better off having your options more open than most of the people you know at this age. I would be reluctant to rely on things such as anti-depressants and video games, as there is definitely a natural order to things and how life is supposed to work. Masking loneliness with drugs is a bad idea IMO, 'cause what happens if you crash? Even playing an sociable online/MMO video game like WoW is only passing the time and the emptiness will eventually catch up to you, I know from experience.

There's an answer somewhere out there, but if you hole-up, you'll never find it. I'm in a similar situation, I guess: trying to find something to do that will garner a more socially-active lifestyle. At this point, I don't care if it yields an intimate relationship or just a broader community to be a part of. Any sort of close friend that you can spend time with regularly will likely ease the loneliness.

just a personal observation.

good to know it's not a rule for you guys.