Lowering my standards

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I'm not gonna lie, for the longest time I had this arrogant attitude that dating attractive women was some how my birth right and Aspergers was simply denying me my birth right. What has this attitude given me? 21,dateless and still a virgin. I've come to realize many NT men have come to face this realization as well. So I wanna ask you guys some questions how have lowered their standards. Have you been successful in the dating world after lowering your standards? Also have you found happiness being with a women that you don't necessarily find physically attractive but like them for other things including personality and common interests.

Standards? Hmmm.....I could never say I raised OR lowered my standards. Despite finding out logically everything else about myself, I really don't know my taste in women. My eventually girlfriend (yes, only 1 so far) got talking to me due to a joint taste for Rammstein and Richard Dawkins. I don't think it was 'perfect match', more that we liked enough about each other to essentially decide 'yes, we want to give this a go'. Lasted 16 month, which isn't bad for a first time.

It's not lowering your standards. You'll always have them where they are at. It's just basing them less on looks and more on pesonality. The looks are only the superficial top layer of what personality you like the most.

Getting a woman isn't going to make you any happier than you are now.

Quickie will get you nothing
Long term relationship will probably lead to mental clusterf*****

If you even think that you are lowering your standards in order to go out with a particular girl then you don't think very highly of her. I think what you need to do is to detach yourself from any assumptions about other people's standards and evaluate people by how well you independently admire them and how mutually compatible they seem. By all means integrate looks into the bigger picture; after all, there is no dichotomy between brains and beauty You don't want to be in the embarrassing position of telling her (or for that matter, not telling her) that you don't actually fancy her.

Whatever works. Something is better than nothing. At least if you can get some experience, that should be beneficial. It's when you don't have any signal or any data that you're really in trouble because you can't learn anything from it.

I wouldn't think of it as "lowering standards", more just being more open to being attracted to different kinds of women. There are plenty of girls who I could really go for now that just never occurred to me when I was in secondary school, but I could potentially find them just as attractive as anyone else I've known. Whereas when I think of "lowering standards" I think of going out with people who you aren't really attracted to, or rushing into relationships because you're desperate for the attention and the "experience", both of which just flat-out show poor judgment.

Though I believe it is healthy to be more open, this on its own hasn't got me success with the opposite sex. Nothing has, so I can't tell you what's worked for me. However, I hypothesize that unless you're exceptionally attractive to women in general and at the same time want a stunningly beautiful woman who is interested in all the same things as you as your girlfriend, this "lowering standards" thing probably won't solve your problems on its own. But if all it amounts to is just giving people a second look, I guess it could help.

Let's think about this together for a minute.
Daydream #1: Dating a sexy woman
Daydream #2: Dating an interesting woman (this obviously hasn't happened or the opportunity hasn't arisen because you haven't met one OR you ignored her because she wasn't sexy enough.
Option #3: If you're lucky, in Daydream #3, Interesting woman is also Sexy woman.
Idea: Wouldn't dating boring sexy woman be boring?

Aspergers seems to be unattractive only because of lack of attraction.
In other words, and in my own experience,
I don't know when women like me,
and they don't know when I like them,
Because: aspergers don't know how to dance the mating dance,
and also don't notice when other people are doing it.
Because: there's no "attractive" flirting or body language happening.

Thinking you need a woman probably prevents you from finding one.
And if you do find one, you might not like each other,
especially if you think you are "lowering your standards".
Also, you don't need a woman, so it might even help to quit thinking you do.
I think that it is probably best when a man and a woman don't need each other, they just like each other anyway. I think women like INDEPENDENT and SELF-CONFIDENT men.

Suggestion:If you know any happy couples,
maybe you could ask them their secrets of happiness, and how they found each other.
(If you don't know any happy couples, how do you think you can be in one? )

actually, I think it's more a position of 'expanding' your standards to take in more of what a woman has to offer. Just because they're not looking like a model doesn't mean that they have nothing else to offer. They're an entirely complex human being, just like you (hopefully), with years of things to discover.

The more you discard, the lower your chances get. It's a balance; you'll reach an ideal sooner or later.

Standards? I never lowered mine, they simply changed in perspective!

(from the Rogers & Hammerstein musical, "Cinderella")

Let love happen, never try to force it.

Lose your expectations. What are you fixating on as a prerequisite for attraction or dating? Why have they been important to you? Are they now? Can you compromise on that item? There will be some things that really are crucial for you, and others that are learned and carried on despite their irrelevance. Experience will teach you more than anything, and be open to being surprised.

[edit] This is not really to do with "lowering ones standards", but in how to learn what you really seek in someone. [/edit]


M.

I didn't have standards so to speak, but I went for someone I didn't think I'd be that into, and she rose to the occasion and I'm still with her. I've never loved anyone more.

You don't need to lower your standards so much as cast your net wider. You might surprise yourself.

Wanting to have a woman whom you find very attractive isn't a problem; however, the reasons behind it may be--such as the item above in bold. Don't lower your standards, change your attitude.

I don't know about how guys think in terms of how hot or how plain a woman is so I can only go from my perspective.

I've never lowered my standards in guys but I've never had as high standards in the way they look. I wouldn't lower my standards no matter how bad I wanted to get laid or whatever it is you think is important about having a sexual relationship. I think you'll end up just as miserable.

But I have to ask, how would you define lowering your standards?

For me, I've never really looked at guys in the same way media does and say that's how guys should look and dress! I think physical attraction is all in the way your mind percieves it. As crazy as this sounds, I've known girls who really adhere to those unrealistic standards as well as guys. All I can say is for me attraction and standards come natural. I've never really had this attitude of "He's good looking, but he's never had a girlfriend or is still a virgin."

Does this make sense to anyone....

I'm not very good at lucidity on these posts but I'm curious as to how one would define lowering standards. That's pretty insulting to the other person who you're lowering your standards for unless there's something else that I'm missing here....

There is such a thing in liking someone for who they are without filtering that whole person by other flaws. It may not be a lasting relationship or an "ideal" one but I'd hate to think that everyone has to think of their partner as fitting into this perfect cookie-cut person that is refined by social standards as to "how they're suppose to look and behave."

I'm only saying this because I've been attracted to guys that have never fit into this odd standard women held. But again, I'm only speaking from female perspective....with aspergers.

I would be gutted if someone was lowering their standards by dating me, that would be just so bad!

Every woman deserves to be loved just as she is and not viewed as a 'settleing' option, its not fair on you or her.

Many people have standards that are too high in trivial factors and too low in important ones, resulting in bad relationships or being alone. So I think it's reasonable to lower some standards.