answer please?

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I need an exact answer here, not something like "It's just the way we are" (because I know that already). Why is it that I feel like I can express opinions easier by just writing/typing (even though my aspiness shows) on a forum for example, but when I type to people online in real-time conversation I embarrass myself every time? Whats SO different between these two things in my mind that I feel I can accomplish one kind of social interaction online somewhat well but fail miserably if I try talking a different way?

Here's my guess:

When we talk in real-time chat it's more like an actual verbal conversation. When we are typing on a forum we have more time to sit and think about exactly what is going to be posted.

Sorry, that's all I have.

From my perspective I find that talking to somebody while also having to watch them is a distraction that can be compounded with outside noises and all that stuff so writen communication for me is much more efficient. Having an interactive online chat is very similar to actually talking to somebody since you have to pay attention to what they are saying in real-time where forums have a time delay and are more like regular writing.

I'd second Aspienoid. I've found the exact same issue; I communicate far better through written word than verbal, but real-time online chat isn't much better for me than verbal.

What I find to be one of the most satisfyingly to-the-point explanations of what goes on in the Autistic brain vs. the NT brain came from a NOVA series titled "What makes us Human" I'm searching online for the specifics, but they escape me at the moment. Anyway...

In the segment, it was illustrated that Asperger's/Autism appears to include (if not completely stem from) a sort of impairment in the I-feel-what-you-feel part of the brain, which is where a lot of human-human communication takes place. Like a hearing impairment, this can range from slightly impaired (Asperger's) to profound deafness (Low functioning Autism). In the case of Asperger's especially, we tend to compensate by doing some of that communicating consciously, in the frontal lobe.

What I get from this is that a fair amount of communication that should be instinctive, unconscious and most importantly, instantaneous, is instead a conscious, and therefore more time-consuming, effort for us.

Therefore, in verbal conversations or real-time chat, we are struggling to keep up with the conversation in a way, whereas writing something out, we have a little more time to process what we are saying.

Just my educated guess though. I claim no expertise on the subject.

- Jo

I don't like the pressure of real-time typing. Forums give me a chance to think about what I want to say, and to make sure that what I say is what I mean.

Real-time chat is pretty much just like talking, but things that sound ok in speech look funny in print. So I'm more conscious of what I'm saying, and how they'll perceive it. I hate it when I say something stupid and can't take it back. That's bad enough in conversation, but it's worse when it's in writing.

It takes me forever to write posts. They get edited so much (mostly because I ramble). Sometimes I'll rewrite a whole paragraph because I couldn't get the spelling right for one word, or it just looked funny even when it was right. I feel bad when I make people wait that long in real-time discussions (or even fast-paced threads) and that just causes more pressure on me.

With forums, there isn't the pressure for you to keep the conversation going. You can make one post and leave it at that. If you get bored, you just go somewhere else. If you just get up and leave in the middle of a conversation, or tell them "you're boring, I'm leaving" they get a bit offended


*reads*
*edits*
*re-reads*
*re-edits*
*submit post*

It's also important to note that in a realtime online conversation, people usually type a couple of sentences at a time. In this style, we usually type paragraphs. We then have time to read over our paragraphs and be sure they flow right, if necessary. This form of communication has much more structure and flow to it, whereas short sentences that you have very little time to read over and pressure to reply to instantly are harder to follow.

when we decide to communicate verbally, there are usually multiple ways we could say what we want to say, what angle we want to use, the underlying tone, maybe a hidden message or two in there to really complicate things...it is not hard to understand the blocks to clear communication. Trying to hide your feelings in your message is another example. It is not always possible to control all these factors all the time. Everybody in the world strugles with how to say the right thing at the right time. Confidence is the key. Confidence in your words, and trust,too, that others will allow one to make mistakes and then be treated respectfully about it.