How do you respond to other peoples reactions?

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I have never been very good at explaining my sons autistic behaviour. I need some 'stock' answers ready for the next person that tells me either how to be a better parent or that I should discipline my child more.

I usually tell them that he's autistic but this doesn't ever seem to be enough.

Just had one very mis-informed elderly lady complain in church about my son's behaviour. She just wouldn't accept that he wasn't deliberately being loud. Worst thing is, she totally ignored the fact that it was my NT daughter who was really misbehaving!

What do you say to these people?

Uh how can someone not be deliberately loud? Does he have Tourettes?
When I was little, my mother told me to be quiet or she is taking me outside. I think she gave me a consequence too.

Hi, welcome to WP.

My answers to people would differ depending on how much the person is really willing to listen, and I wouldn't waste my breathe on someone who isn't really any part of my children's lives with explanations about AS. In the past I have said "He is doing the best he can at this moment", in a firm voice, but with a smile. If they keep on criticizing I would repeat again, but in an even firmer voice, "As I already told you, my son and I are doing the best we can at this moment" and then would end the conversation.

If the person is part of your sons life on a regular basis, and your child doesn't mind them being told about their AS, you could tell them what your sons dx's are and then ask if they would like more information on how this can affect his behaviour. I also wouldn't hesitate to explain how their "advice" makes you feel (in as diplomatic a way as possible, of course...or not, depending on how awful they are being! )

One of the great things about having a dx now is that I don't feel like I have to answer to people at all anymore. From the over zealous substitute teacher, to the old ladies tut-tut-ing at the grocery store, to the distant relatives that just don't get it...I feel kind of impervious to the criticism these days. They don't know my kids, or what they go through on a day to day basis, or how hard they and we try. I know that I am not a bad parent. Sometimes pre dx, I would beat myself up horribly. What was I doing wrong???? Now I know for sure that I'm not doing anything wrong (well, beyond the average amount of parental fallibility!?), and neither are my boys, we're all trying our very best.

In church, it's a natural to say that G-d made your kids this way in order to help all of us (implication being to include her) learn that we are all His creations, we all have gifts, and we are all different. And what a boring place the world would be if we were all the same. Praise G-d!

You might also want to ask your pastor/priest/whomever for some assistance on this too. I think that Autism Awareness Day of Worship is February 8 - see if s/he'll talk about making the church a warm and welcoming place for all of G-d's children during the sermon.

Love this!

I haven't had too many issues of this sort, probably in part because I don't hear well and may simply miss it. But I'm also always aware of how my children affect those around us, and I basically avoid situations where I think others will get irritated by them. It doesn't always work, of course, and my son had a meltdown in one of those tube acquarium places, and he was too far gone to move very far, so there we stood while he cried and screemed and I tried to keep him safe. I'm sure everyone hated us, but only one person approached us, and all she asked was if there was anything she could do. She had guessed he might be on the spectrum, and it was her way of letting me know it was OK.

With church we eased him in, first finding a special children's liturgy and then having him spend half the mass with us, half with the little kids, and so on. Now he sits with us and has a special magazine about the mass to read, and we let him squirm and move but he has to be quiet, and he has enough self control now that he is. I never asked it of before he was ready for it. Neither my husband or I have much patience for conflict.

In most situations I make sure the adult in charge knows about my sons quirks, and what to do. I give advice on transitions, sensory issues, etc. My son is at an age where he knows how to avert a meltdown, and I ask the adults to give him space when he reaches for it. I rarely tell anyone he is autistic; I am more likely to say that he is a special needs child, and these are the things to watch for. Third parties just aren't involved; I don't know what they think of us when they observe us, and I guess I don't care. We do our best to be respectful of everyones needs, including strangers around us, and the rest isn't their business.

Now, I do have it relatively easy because my son is really high functioning, and capable for the most part of holding together the "act" for an hour in order to be in a place he wants to be. If he wasn't, I'm not sure what I'd do. And, so, I'm thinking I've been no help at all .... sigh. Sorry.

Since I just really started dealing with this myself, I'm no expert, but being slight aspie and blunt myself I just tell people that my son has Asperger's. Usually it's met with a quizzical look but at least thy usually say "What is that, exactly?" People tend to be more patient if they have some insight. Of course, sometimes I just look at them when they say something, or inform them that it's not helpful to point out people you don't understand. Typically that makes an awkward situation though

I don't think any adult has every asked me what's wrong with my son. Other children do, though, and I'm not quite sure how to respond. While he was pulling on a rope repeatedly at a park, a little girl his age came over and tried to play with him. He just pulled and stared. She asked me "Is he a baby?" I said that he has autism and he is her age. I don't know how I could have explained in a way she would understand. She just walked away.